ASK AC - YOUR QUESTIONS GET ANSWERED

07/24/04 YOUR NBA QUESTIONS ANSWERED


With the NBA season over, Wagercom.com will be starting a new feature with NBA guru AC Titticock. AC will be answering reader e-mail every week or two, so keep e-mailing him with questions, ideas, and/or naked photos of your sisters. Questions can be about the NBA, Major League Baseball, Fantasy sports, or the great Taylor Rain-Janine Lindemuller debate. Just send your questions to ac@wagercom.com

Before I get to the questions, I’d ask you all to pour some out for the great Isabel Sanford, one of this century’s greatest leading ladies who recently passed away. Isabel will always be my Britney to Esther Rolle’s Christina Aguilera, and yes I watch too much tv.

AC, long time reader and first time writer. I’ve got to know what you think of the Lakers dealing Shaq-fu. What the hell was Kupchak’s logic?

Brenda G, Los Angeles

I’ve thought long and hard about this Shaq trade (if by long and hard I mean for like a minute) and have come to the conclusion that it will go down as one of the biggest steals in the history of the NBA. Miami got Shaq for Lamar “Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em” Odom, Brian “I don’t have any cartilage in my knees” Grant, Caron “Mr. Belvediere” Butler, a half full can of red bull, and a free early bird special for the whole Laker team next time they are in Miami.

Kupchak gave up the dominant center in the game to appease the dumbest individual on the planet, Kobe Bryant. Unbelievable. Shaq will dominate the East and Miami has to be a lock to at least make the Eastern conference finals (I will not pick them for the NBA finals because an injury here or there could be a problem as they have no depth). Not only did he give up Shaq, but he got nothing in return.

How are Bryant and Odom going to play together? They both need the ball, they both like starting on the wing, and they’ve both been arrested for rape (except for Odom). Lamar had a good 30-40 game stretch last year but other than that has been a huge disappointment, think a more athletic, “higher” Derrick Coleman. From now on, pulling off a trade that takes your team out of championship contention and puts another in it will be called “pulling a Kupchak.”

McGrady for Francis and Mobley seemed odd. McGrady can ball and Orlando may be ok with Dwight Howard, why would he want to leave?

Mitchell Tostada, Hayward, CA

Yeah, let’s first ignore the ancillary players in the deal such as Tyronn Lue, Reece Gaines, Juwan “Fab Five” Howard, Kelvin Cato, Ralph Sampson, and Kelvin Upshaw. Moves like this bother me. McGrady knew what he was getting into when he signed with the Magic for big bucks and now he wants to cry and complain until he gets on a contender. Hey Tracy if you’re that good, shouldn’t you automatically make any team a contender? That’s what I don’t get. Do you think Jordan or Bird or Magic ever would have wanted off of their teams? No, they would have looked at it as a greater challenge and worked harder. They made their teammates better. McGrady obviously doesn’t and it’s a shame.

McGrady now gets to play with Yao Ming who could be the most dominant player in the game in the next few years if used correctly. Problem is, McGrady is going to demand the ball, force up bad shots, and not allow Yao (say that 5 times fast) to utilize his passing and low post skills. Hmm, McGrady sounds like a bigger more athletic version of Steve Francis.

As for the Magic, I like Mobley and I like Francis. They now have a solid backcourt to go with a non-existent front court. This trade makes them better than last year but they still need players. Okafor would have been a much better choice than Dwight Howard who already has been outplayed in summer league ball by Big Al Jefferson of the Celtics.

Any advice for a guy with a little penis?

John “TT” Z, Atlanta

Jon, I don’t know why you are asking me that question. If you really need some advice, I recommend e-mailing dj@wagercom.com as that is his field of specialty.

Was there anything more disgusting than the ovation Roger “Benedict Arnold” Clemens got at the all-star game? The guy is the biggest piece of crap ever to put on a uniform, disgraceful. Just one more reason to hate Houston I guess.

Earl Johnson, Worcester, MA

The Clemens ovation actually made me throw up in my mouth, twice. The guy has consistently lied to the fans and treated them like Kobe does hotel waitstaff. How could Fox play up this guy like some kind of hero? It was just disgusting, like watching a midget have sex with a bunny rabbit, and not only do I not know what that means, but once again I threw up in my mouth. I have to stop writing about this because I think I just burst a blood vessel in my head.

Six years and $40 Million for Mark Blount? Your boy Ainge is a moron.

C Henry, Topeka, KS

Yes, he is. This contract is going to come back and haunt the Celtics. Blount can not rebound and has arms that are like 3 centimeters long. Seriously, look at him on the court, he’s like a new school Kevin Willis, the body of a seven footer and the arms of a midget. I bet he likes Jazzy pop as well.

Who has more kids, Calvin Murphy or Shawn Kemp?

R Pahlavan, Palo Alto, CA

That’s a toughie. Calvin’s been at it longer but Kemp has had more “groupie appeal.” If you count the fact that Calvin has had kids with his own kids, he may win this by a landslide. However, if you count non-related individual kids (ie. By different baby momma’s and /or not with your own relatives), then Kemp is clearly the winner. However, is anybody really a winner here?

Until next time. AC Titticock

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