However, before I get to the questions I want to point out why I love the internet (other than the porn of course). You see it is through this medium that we can honor the Rusty Kuntzs of the world who may fall through the cracks. So in honor of Rusty and the great CRAPhonso Thorpe (no truth to the rumors that his brothers are named L’Dookie and Terd) being unceremoniously cut by the Kansas City Chiefs and thus denying the world of perhaps this generation’s Kuntz, I wanted to share these stories with you. In the bizarre Tony Allen shooting story, you should all read the victim’s name and wonder why his parents didn’t go with the traditional Samclemens. While in this story you must read the name of the NYU student who is quoted (and if you are confused, check this out while having a french sandwich http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=lucky+pierre).

On to the questions:

Titticock, my mistake, AC Titticock--

Help me out with my Fantasy team. I need a tight-end. I mean already have a pretty tight end, but I need a person who can play tight-end. And if I dont get Randy Moss, who should I turn to? It seems to be a tossup since all big name receivers looked terrible for the one or two innings they played in the preseason. Also, which team's cheerleading squad is the hottest? I'm pretty set with the rest of the team.

F. Ronald

Ronald, if I may call you that, you seem confused, perplexed, and downright homosexual (not that there is anything wrong with that, seriously, if you dig man love it means all the more women for me to offend). Anyway, Randy Moss is not a tight end and football does go not by the inning but those are just minor miscues.

If you are really looking for a tight end, I would recommend Tony Gonzalez, Antonio Gates, or underdog Jason Witten. I highly recommend not drafting the Eric Johnson-Doug Jolley tandem that I wound up with last week unless you are trying to give your team a built in handicap. And as always, the great Randy McMichael, who never saw a woman he couldn’t hit, may also be a good pick-up.

As far as cheerleading squads to go for, you really can’t go wrong with any. While I am partial to the Eagles girls due to my proximity to Lincoln Financial Field, I will always have a soft spot in my heart for Patty Herrera’s Raiderettes. However, no cheerleading group will ever hold a candle to the San Francisco Demon’s of the XFL who featured the untouchable Kat who was the Sandy Koufax of cheerleaders as her time was short but she shined so bright.

What do you think about Jerry Rice retiring? And does this mean I finally have to take down my Jerry Rice posters?

JSS, San Diego

I think Jerry did the right thing. I mean he is 67 years old, has a hairline receding faster than Hulk Hogan’s, and really hasn’t been effective since a drunken John Taylor was on his other side. Jerry Rice being the 4th receiver on the Broncos would have been an insult to his place in history. I mean would Joe Namath have played for the Rams? Willie Mays for the Mets? Michael Jordan for the Wizards? Or Janine Lindemulder for Playboy? I think not. You have to go out with dignity.

As for your posters, keep them up. I hear chicks dig men in uniform.

Until Next Time, AC.

PS Visit AC's NBA Basketball Picks Page new content coming in November.

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