Next, there are a couple of NBA happenings I was asked to address for all of you. If you have been keeping abreast of the news (and yes I said abreast), you have noticed the growing trend of NBA players being shot or involved in shootings. Tony Allen is being sued for a shooting incident in Chicago a few weeks ago where he allegedly told the shooter to take out a guy with whom he was having a feud. Incidentally, Danny Ainge has alluded to the fact that Allen’s recent knee surgery is related to this incident, so well done Tony, you moron. Also, Wizards rookie Andray Blatche was recently shot in an attempted carjacking. This is leading me to start a betting pool here at Wagercom.com called “Guess which NBA player will be shot next.” You get three guesses, winner receives a free gold toof or month’s supply of Kool-Aid. My selections are Eddie Griffin, Eddie Robinson (though it’s not clear he’s still in the NBA), and Isiah Thomas (once New York Knick fans understand how badly he has screwed their franchise, look out).

The last bit of NBA news is something that hurts me deeply. The Celtics have re-signed Chris Wallace as their GM. Just a reminder, this is the same guy who drafted Joe Johnson, Kedrick Brown, and Joe Forte in the first round of the 2001 draft (over players like Tony Parker, Richard Jefferson, Zach Randolph, and Jamaal Tinsley), traded for Vin Baker, and not only traded Joe Johnson for Tony Delk and Rodney Rodgers, but was given the choice by Phoenix of giving away either Joe Johnson or Kedrick Brown and chose to keep Kedrick instead. I am speechless that a clown like this can continue to get hired, and by the same team he managed to ruin for years, ugh. However, I think the Celtics can capitalize on this by developing a reality show where Wallace and Isiah Thomas trade with each other to see who is the worst GM in the NBA. I imagine it would go something like this:

Wallace: I'll give you Jefferson for Ariza

Thomas: How about I throw in Nate Robinson and 7 #1 draft picks

Wallace: Ok, then I will give you Pierce, Ricky Davis, and my last shred of dignity. But you have to include Vin Baker, and there is no way you can have Mark Blount

Isiah: I am only doing it if I can have Blount and Banks.

Wallace: Those are my untouchables

Isiah: And Baker is mine

Somehow these guys have NBA jobs while I am sitting here giggling about a butt sex article in the Daily Northwestern, truly life isn’t fair.

On to the questions:

Has anyone ever caught more than 5 touchdown passes in an NFL game?

Mickey

No, but Michael Irvin once caught 6 venereal diseases at half time in Veteran’s Stadium (drum shot please). The record for touchdown receptions in a game is 5, held by Bob Shaw, Kellen Winslow, and Jerry Rice.

Who is the oldest pitcher to ever win a playoff game? It seems like with 98 year old Roger Clemens and his boyfriend Randy Johnson both headed to the playoffs, one of them could set the record.

Jim R

Weird, I didn’t know Clemens and Johnson were seeing each other, but thanks for the info. I wonder if they rotate who pitches.

Anyway, according to this article, some guy named Dolf Luque won a playoff game in 1933 for the New York Giants when he was just shy of 43 and a half years old as he was born on May 20th and the game was on October 7th. Interestingly enough, Clemens was born on May 15th so if Clemens wins a playoff game this year, even though he is also 43, he will be older than Luque. If he does that, he can add that distinction to his record for being the biggest ass to win a playoff game as well.

Speaking of old guys, check out Big Daddy Kane’s performance on VH1’s Hip Hop Honors (and yes I watch VH1). He demolishes any rapper out there today. This guy put out Raw, Wrath of Kane, Smooth Operator, and one of the 5 greatest rap songs ever Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy, just to name a few. It is amazing to see how much better he is than Chingy, Dingy, and Singy, or whoever the clowns are that are rapping today. Can I get a what what?

I drafted Duante Culpepper for my fantasy team, should I light myself on fire or just give up now?

The Gerbilator

Wow, that sounds terrible, hopefully you have a good back-up and not someone like Trent Dilfer. If I were you I would keep Duante, unless I could get some poor sap to give me a top running back in a trade. I am a firm believer in the buy low-sell high philosophy so now is not the time to unload Culpecker. Put him on your bench for a few games until Burleson gets back or the Vikings find their stride. Then once he puts up positive numbers, unload him immediately. He’s fallen faster than Nipsey Russell after the Wiz or Frederick Exley after A Fan's Notes (and if you are literate, which I assume you must be if you’ve made it this far, it would be a huge loss to you if you never read Exley’s novel. It would be a faux pas on par with going to San Francisco and not enjoying a moment, or twenty, at the world famous Mitchell Brother’s O’Farrell Theatre). Alternatively, you could lock yourself in your room on Sunday and have an all day Taylor Rain fest to forget the NFL is even happening. That’s what I would do, but then again, I am still running out Andre Johnson every week.

Until next time, AC

PS Visit AC's NBA Basketball Picks Page new content coming in November.

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