ASK AC - YOUR QUESTIONS GET ANSWERED

10/24/04 YOUR SPORTS QUESTIONS ANSWERED


Wagercom.com 's NBA guru AC Titticock. AC will be answering reader e-mail every week or two, so keep e-mailing him with questions, ideas, and/or naked photos of your sisters. Questions can be about the NBA, Major League Baseball, Fantasy sports, or the great Taylor Rain-Janine Lindemuller debate. Just send your questions to ac@wagercom.com

In case you’ve been living on the planet Melmac (http://www.sitcomsonline.com/alf.html) for the past two weeks, or recently won the lottery and have been blowing your winnings (pun semi-intended) at the World Famous Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre and have not come out to see sunlight, then you missed the greatest comeback in the history of sport. The 2004 Boston Red Sox defeated the New York Yankees, coming back from a 3 games to 0 deficit. The Yankees are now officially the biggest chokers in the history of the world. Bill Buckner may have missed one ball but the Yank-thees blew four straight games. Unbelievable. Gay-Fraud (formerly known as A-Rod) showed what a punk piece of crap he is with his cheap shot karate chop at Bronson Arroyo’s hand (hey gay-fraud, hit him with your purse next time nancyboy).

While I am disappointed the Cardinals beat the Astros and thus didn’t give the Sox the chance to go through traitor Roger and even avenge Bagwell for Andersen, I am content with being in the series. This is huge. First the Yankees, and then Clemens went down, and next Bush. If the three most evil marks on American history (not including Bin Laden, Slavery, Everybody Loves Raymond, and that Hogan’s Heroes crap) can be defeated in a three week period my faith in humanity may be restored.

As an aside, who came up with this Hogan’s Heroes show? Seriously, who said “a sitcom about WWII prison camps, that’s what we need. I mean what is funnier than the SS and all the shenanigans that occurred with their prisoners.” You wonder why I hate people. I mean you don’t see me filming Mad About Jebus. In next week’s episode, Jebus overhears the Virgin Mary and Judas in the kitchen and thinks Mary is no longer a virgin, featuring special guest star Don Knotts. But I must digress.

Also, I want to let you, my readers, know that this will be my last Ask AC column. Don’t worry, there is no need for tears, with the NBA season about to start, I will return to making you money through my weekly NBA picks and providing you with entertaining snippets about Kobe’s predilection for the 5 hole and Isiah Thomas’s predilection for being crappy at whatever he does. Fear not though, Wagercom.com has just inked a deal with one of the brightest young minds in literature and the foremost authority on proper bedwetting techniques. Professor Oswald Tinkleberry has agreed to bring his wit, charm, and sports knowledge to our little Wagercom.com forum. Though known best for his biting social irony centered around the bumbling Mr. Beepers and his brown pants, Professor Tinkleberry will be answering any questions you have whether it be about Michael Vick’s inability to play football, the Euro-invasion of the NBA, or the lack of money shot in lesbian porn (this needs to be addressed, Professor, it has to be done). So keep your questions coming in as the good professor is a first rate talent that will make Ann Landers look like Dear Abby (and I have no idea what that means, but it sounds kind of hot, no?).

Now onto the questions.

Go Sox!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dude, can we beat the Cardinals?

Sox Fan Boston, MA

Sox fan, I am not in the business of prognosticating Red Sox games. I gave that up years ago along with peeing on midgets, betting against the Patriots, and eating Indian food (actually, just kidding about the midget part but let’s keep that between you and me). The Sox are up 2-0 going into game 3. I am really not sure how to react to any of this. If they win, the city of Boston goes down in flames, if they lose, we still beat the Yankees. Either way I’ll be happy.

What year did Major Legue Baseball put numbers on the back of there uniforms

Sald New Britian, CT

That is a great question, even for the homophone challenged (try “their” next time Einstein) I was actually going to make up a fake answer having to do with Teddy Roosevelt and The Battle of San Juan Hill (http://www.publicbookshelf.com/public_html/The_Great_Republic_By_the_Master_Historians_Vol_IV/thebattle_bg.html) or Erik Estrada’s knowledge of your sexuality for asking a question that obviously loves other questions of the same gender http://www.sternfannetwork.com/forum/showthread/t-13044.html, but instead I did a little research (No really, I did). According to the Baseball Hall of Fame the first uniform numbers were in 1929 and were worn by Cleveland (not the Steamers), and I am not making this up www.baseballhalloffame.org/exhibits/online%5Fexhibits/dressed%5Fto%5Fthe%5Fnines/timeline%5F1929.htm. I figure for my last Q&A, I should actually try a little A for your Q.

What is the most courageous performance in sports you have ever seen?

E Johnson Palo Alto, CA

People talk about Willis Reed all of the time but that was before AC was put on this earf so I can’t really comment about it. Off the top of my head, I’d say the top three performances I have ever witnessed were Kirk Gibson going yard in 1988, Larry Legend coming back from a broken back and cheek to demolish the Indiana Pacers, and Curt Schilling having his tendon sutured to the bone in his foot to keep it from moving so he could pitch in these playoffs http://www.boston.com/sports/baseball/redsox/articles/2004/10/21/morgan_magic/. Seriously, this is insane. I stayed in bed last week with a paper cut and this dude is throwing bullets with 4 sutures in his ankle bone. If the Sox blow the world series (and I’m sure they will still find a way to do that), they should still erect (I said erect) a statue to Schilling in front of Fenway. He’s got bigger balls than Randy West with Elephantitis.

Until Next Time, AC.

PS Visit AC's NBA Basketball Picks Page new content coming in November.

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