In tribute to New York Fashion Week, I present some favorite favorites. Some might say that betting on winning teams is a cop-out. I say, like a classic Chanel clutch, they will be worth the investment.
Oregon vs. Stanford
I love watching Oregon for mostly one reason -- the hideous uniforms. With nuclear yellow and sludge green, tire tread arm details, sparkly helmets, accents of black and grey, I wonder… is Nike’s Oregon rep totally ahead of the times and what we think is ugly now will be totally hip in a few years? Will these uniforms be publicly shunned then widely accepted like the 2007 Fall Balenciaga show? If the house of Balenciaga is on target, all of us women will soon be wearing fringy scarves, wacky prep school blazers, formal jodpurs and rainbow-bright plastic heels. So, will all college teams in the future look like fabulous gay armies?
Anyhow, Oregon is favored by 17, but I do know that Stanford is that bad. Take the gay army. And use this time to check out the new 3.1 Philip Lim fashion show to see how to really wear bright yellow!
Ohio St. vs. Northwestern
Despite the hit runway shows of Lanvin, you should not but your money behind anyone wearing purple this week. Sure violet looks lovely for a voluminous cocktail frock with dark tights and a patent clutch, but it doesn’t look good getting splattered on the field by this powerhouse team. Come to think of it, Lanvin featured blood red in their fall collection as well…
USC vs. Washington State
With dashing white hair, a nearly flawless winning history, impeccable style and rakish good looks, could Pete Carroll be the sporting equivalent of Oscar de la Renta? Hell, USC and Washington have practically the same colors, but I guarantee you that the Trojans will look like a million bucks and Washington will look like cheap knockoffs by ABS.
Sunday on the Couch
So, we’re officially two weeks into pro football season, and it’s already over. New Englanders are dusting off the golf clubs and booking plane tickets to Arizona, and the sad, sad Buffalo Billies are drinking heavily and looking forward to ice fishing season. What’s the point from now on? There are still several months of daytime boozing to go!
San Diego vs. Greenbay
Yeah, Farve looks superfoxy rocking the salt and pepper look. We kind of want to take him out at the knees, nuzzle in the gray chest hair, cuddle and talk about our feelings. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what the Super Chargers are gonna do, except they will take him out at the knees, nuzzle their helmets in his solar plexus, de-cleat him and (hopefully!) say something under the pile like “now who’s your daddy!”
Pittsburgh vs. San Francisco
I don’t care that Sienna Miller called Pittsburgh “Shits-burg.” She leaves the house with a bed sheet belted to her chest and calls it a dress. The Steelers shall now be known as the best dressed team in the league, ‘cause they rocked the old school unis last week. Again, yellow is a terrific color for spring.
St. Louis vs. Tampa Bay
There are so many reasons to hate Florida. Like this. And this. And this. This is my anti-Florida pick of the week, and a shout out to St. L, my boyfriend’s college town. Yes, he had his fair share of fist fights in a Del Taco parking lot back in Mizzou, but that’s nothing compared to what’s happening down in America’s Most Embarrassing State Ever.
Cleveland vs. Oakland
I don’t like that Cleveland’s mascot is the color orange. Or brown. Or, according to Wikipedia, the Brownie Elf, which should definitely be someone’s gay twink porn name if it isn’t already. I may not know a lot about gay porn, but I do know that Oakland can’t get it together. They should really find a way to have a parking lot cam for Raiders games – you know those tailgates are terrifying. Get ESPN on the phone.
Time Wasting Tip of the Week:
In case you haven’t noticed, it’s New York Fashion Week. What, do I keep bringing that up? So, if you have a laptop and the game starts to lag, log onto style.com and check out the endless coverage, slideshows, etc. If he asks what you’re doing, tell him you’re on the chat boards with the other fans.
Useful football phrase to throw out when you haven’t been watching the game:
“You know, you see a game that’s 28-6. You know what I see? Missed opportunities.”
Bloody Mary Condiment of the Week:
Hot Lime is spicy, delicious and has a killer citrus kick that is perfect in marys. Yum!
