1. The F the Bizzooch column is our chance to rant at a player or team who has treated us like a young boy on a “giraffe” ride at the Neverland ranch. It is our opportunity to tell the folks that caused us to lose our bets just how detestable they are and how much we wish bad things to happen to them, like dating William Green’s baby’s momma or marrying the man that Kurt Warner did. It is a therapeutic way for the editorial staff to vent their frustrations without breaking anything, harming small animals, or lapsing into a Whiskey coma.

2. What is the Bizzooch? The Bizzooch represents everybody that has ever brought you a smiley face cupcake on a Monday morning. The Bizzooch watches Everybody Loves Raymond, Sex in the City, and is content with the fact that there is no money shot in lesbian porn. The Bizzooch not only sat through the whole movie Titanic but feels the need to tell you about it 5 years later. In fact, the Bizzooch is responsible for group hugs, talking about your feelings, and trying to make sure everybody had a great day. In short, the Bizzooch represents all that is wrong with the world. It is for this reason that once a week we need to say F the Bizzooch.

12/04/03 AC Titticock gives us this week’s F the Bizzooch column.

This weeks F the Bizzooch goes to Dirk Nowitzki and Tim Thomas for sitting out their Friday games and causing me to lose money and respect. I hate them worse than Kobe hates hearing “no.” It is reprehensible to sit out for an ankle sprain with all of the money they are getting paid. Hell, I sprained my ankle last week and played through it for no money or fame, but just for the love of the game and the three point line where I launch many a shot. I shoot threes like Michael Jackson has sleepovers, often and with panache and I’m not quite sure what that means. Anyway, for being such little babies (and by little babies I mean too young for R. Kelly and Michael Jackson), and not playing because of ankle sprains, I’d like to tell Dirk and Tim to F the Bizzooch.

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