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Rick,

First off, I hope the land of the rising sun finds you well. I hope that you find excellent sushi, some welcoming Asian women and of course the pokemon that jacked DJ. I have heard that the women there love the dreads (it is a shame you got rid of them). In any event, let’s dispense with the pleasantries. I want to tell you a few things that everyone else won’t.

I have read your comments about having to come up with rebuttal after rebuttal and how you finally feel free and you finally feel happy. How can I put this diplomatically – that is fucking horseshit. (I am not much of a diplomat.) First I want to give you the tough love that your friends won’t and then we’ll move onward and present a little hope.

You talk about freedom. Ricky, there is no freedom in America. We are all enslaved, we are enslaved by our need for survival and for the material things that American Capitalism can provide. And don’t give me any crap about an ascetic lifestyle; I have seen your Cribs episode on MTV. You say that you are ‘halfway intelligent’ and you’ll find something to do. That just isn’t true.

My friends and I, we are way more than halfway intelligent, we all work damn hard (except the aforementioned DJ) and we are all struggling to get by. That is the truth, that is the freedom that America provides – the freedom to work your ass off, to use every gift that God gave you and still, scrape by. None of us have 22s (I believe that is what you people call twenty-two inch rims for your cars), none of us have even tried Cristal and few of us go ‘clubbing every night in the off-season.’ Do you want to know why Rick? It is because normal Americans don’t have an off-season. We work year round just to keep ourselves clubbing every once in a while and drinking some André Champagne Brut (yes, it is $3.49 for 750 mls at Bevmo!). Ricky, do you think that a black man (and believe me, I am black on the inside) who hasn’t finished college and has no work experience is just going to pop into a job that pays real money – and not even real money by US standards, but real NFL money? http://www.bls.gov/ncs/ocs/sp/ncbl0539.pdf That link will give you the data that I am talking about – that will explain to you that the average American worker (and they aren’t all employed) makes about $32,000 per year – and that means working 35 hours per week and 52 weeks per year. Not quite NFL hours eh Rick? Granted, they probably don’t have to go to the weight room as often as you do, but they might, just might be willing to trade with you on that one. And that presupposes that there isn’t any racial bias in that data or education bias. My point is (however ugly) that you will be lower than the national average. I want you to ask yourself – really ask yourself what life would be like if you were working everyday and only taking home (before taxes) $28 grand per year.

You talk about going back to school. According to the UT Austin website, the cost for one full year of school (tuition, room, board, books – yes, you’ll need them this time) is $23,058 (I assume you will want to live off-campus and not in one of the dorms – though that could save you $500/yr). This is of course after tax money. And you probably remember school being free – but for the rest of us, we don’t get football scholarships – surprisingly, you won’t be getting another football scholarship either as you have no more eligibility. But perhaps I am not giving your painting and photography skills enough credit. Or maybe you want to coach at UT. Well, I bet the marijuana policy for coaches is just as strict, if not more so than it is for athletes. You could do autographs to raise the additional money – I wonder how much cash Robert Smith brings in every year – another running back that retired early.

So that should give you a little taste of what the world is like for people that cannot play football the way you do. Now let’s get to the good part. Ricky, you are truly a blessed man. I am sure you worked hard to get where you were, but what is also true, is that there are tens of thousands of kids who were the same age as you that worked as hard or harder to excel at football. They weren’t smoking pot and drinking at night, they were studying play books and in the weight room. And you are right; they couldn’t hold your jock when they got on the field. The point here is that God made you a running back. You had a little to do with it – I mean you could have been a line backer or a strong safety – but you are a football player.

Rick, you have something that almost any American male would give years off of their life for – and you don’t seem to care. What is worse than not caring is that you don’t get it. Have you seen Bull Durham? Go watch the scene where Crash explains to Nuke that Nuke’s right arm is worth a couple million per year (I know, the numbers are out of date) and that Crash’s whole body isn’t worth 17 cents per pound. Go learn.

Ricky, this is what you should do. You should get on the next flight back to the US and make the following meetings. Meeting one, your agent, meeting two, Davey Wannsteaddddt, meeting three, your accountant and meeting four your spiritual advisor (meeting five would be at The World Famous Mitchell Brothers O’Farrell Theatre – but that one is non-negotiable).

One –

Tell Leigh Steinberg that he is fired. You want to cut costs for the last couple of years of your career. You will negotiate your own contract and frankly the 10% that Leigh takes is too much when you are planning for an early retirement.

Two –

Coach, I am sorry I quit without notice – even a half interested Ricky is better than two Travis Minors and a Sammy Morris. I am going to play three more seasons here. I want 5 million per season with no incentive clauses and I want it guaranteed – so long as I am eligible to play (no sticky icky in Ricky) and I haven’t retired, I want the money.

Three –

Tell your accountant to sell off any assets that aren’t necessary and then tell him that you are planning to retire in three years. Explain to him what you envision your lifestyle to be and then make sure he saves enough for you to live well after you retire. And you may not have three houses in Miami anymore – but at least you will earn some real financial freedom down the road. Additionally, given the real estate market right now, it is a great time to be a seller. In fact, you should sell all three houses and then rent a nice two bedroom apartment.

Four –

Ask someone you trust about whether God wants you to ball. My Rabbi would have you running sprints at the end of the meeting.

Five –

This one should be self explanatory and much needed after the diatribe I just made you read.

And finally, on a purely selfish note – I am a fan of yours, you are on my fantasy team and I love watching you play. Clinton Portis, Jamal Lewis and Ladanian Tomlinson could all learn from you. So Rick, why don’t you get back on the field and do what you should be doing.

-j

Jiggy ‘jihad’ Doughnuts

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