AC TITTICOCK'S WEEKLY FREE NBA BASKETBALL PICKS AND WINNERS

Thanks to the New York Knicks management team, Christmas came early this year, and I don’t even celebrate the day of the fat man in the red suit. The Knicks decided that they wanted to make their team worse than any other team in the history of basketball and thus hired Isiah Thomas to make decisions. Honestly, I could not make up stuff this good. Hiring Isiah Thomas to make decisions is like hiring Stevie Wonder to be your chauffeur. This is better than when I found out Doug Christie makes purses with his wife. I am so grateful for this as it will supply me with material for this column not just for the rest of the season but for years to come. And why do I love this move so much? Because I am from Boston and hate the Knicks. If only Steinbrenner would hire Isiah as well, my life may be complete.

This is a horrible move because Isiah is a terrible judge of talent, has zero business acumen, and no media savvy. The exact three things you need to be a general manager. In terms of talent evaluation, as GM of the Raptors he selected Marcus Camby 2nd in 1996 draft over the likes of Kobe Bryant, Jermaine O’Neal, and Antoine Walker to name a few (ok, I’ll give him McGrady in 1997), and then as coach of the Pacers relied on point guard Jamaal Tinsley who doesn’t even leave the bench with Rick Carlisle. This year’s Indiana team is performing so much better because Carlisle puts the right players on the floor. If Isiah had put Harrington on Antoine in last year’s playoffs the Pacers would have demolished the Celtics. As for business acumen, Isiah drove the CBA into bankruptcy and it is now back up and running well. The final skill, media savvy, is where Thomas really fails as he had the audacity to call Larry Bird just another player if he were black (don’t mess with Larry). So if we add it all together, Isiah has failed as GM of the Raptors, caused the CBA to go bankrupt under him, and could not take the Pacers to the finals with the deepest team in the East. On top of it all, he insulted Larry Legend and had the annoying habit of kissing his boyfriends Magic Johnson and Mark Aguirre before games. Gee, I would look at his resume and hire him right away, that is unless I could lure Osama out of his cave. Hiring Isiah as GM is at the level of stupidity of hiring Michael Jackson to baby sit your underage son and then leaving a full bottle of Vaseline by the bedside. It’s like asking Stephen Jackson to negotiate a contract for you or George W. Bush to lead you in war. Honestly, if I were the Knicks here is a list of people I would choose as GM before Isiah Thomas: ML Carr, Don King, Geraldo Rivera, Webster, Nipsy Russell, Crank Yankers’ Special Ed, the inhabitants of both the Western and Eastern Hemispheres including the homeless guy who urinated on the street in front of my apartment last night, and all inanimate objects including lint and a pile of rotting feces.

If the Knicks really wanted to do something stupid they could have brought Patrick Ewing back to play center or even just hired Isiah as coach. Either way, they would have received the number one pick but this way, not only will they finish last and have the best chance at the first pick, but also they will have Isiah making the selection. Way to go NY, maybe Isiah will take Spike Lee first. This is really brilliant stuff, it will set the Knicks back at least six decades but I do have to applaud them for not half-assing their attempt to be horrible and going all out. Now if only Puff Daddy would buy the team I would be brought to tears of joy. As an aside, imagine how Scott Layden must feel being replaced by Isiah? I don’t think there are really words for it, in fact, for once I am speechless.

Here’s a quick pop quiz

Isiah is to running a team as:

A. Rosie O’Donnell is to straight porn

B. Joe Forte is to playing point guard

C. The Tuesday Morning Quarterback is to an entertaining writer

D. All of the above

If you picked D, you are correct.

Anyway, on to the free nba picks for Sunday:

NBA BASKETBALL PICKS FOR SUNDAY 12/28/03

We had technical difficulties last night with the site and my picks were not able to be posted. I’m told the technical difficulties had nothing to do with Jiggy downloading too much porn on the server, but it is his vacation and he’s home alone so I find that excuse hard to believe. Anyway, for those keeping score at home, I would have been 1-1-1 last night (Chicago, Miami, Detroit) but since it wasn’t posted it won’t count towards my total. Since I wasn’t able to make you money last night, I give you a special Sunday version of my picks.

Philadelphia at Phoenix -4: Phoenix has been playing terribly lately largely because they are a terrible team without Amare. However, the Sixers are just due for a loss. Without Iverson they are playing well but I am still not convinced. I lost picking the Clips to beat them by 6 on Friday (they only won by 3) but think this is Phoenix’s game.

Portland -1 at Cleveland: Wow, I was really wrong about Zach Randolph. You can call me ML Carr or Isiah Thomas as I was so far off. I thought he was all hype but Zach can ball. Both the Blazers and Cavaqueers are hot as LeDong is starting to take over. Eric Williams and Tony Battie have brought some stability to the ‘Queers but eventually they will revert to back to their crappy mean. I like the Blazers here in a close one.

Boston +9 at Fakers: For the first time this year I am picking the Celtics to cover. Ricky Davis may go off and rape Kobe Bryant in the middle of the third quarter. The three-headed monster of Mark Blount, Vin Baker, and Chris Mihm will be allowed to use all 18 fouls to stop Shaq, and yes I just referred to them as a three-headed monster. If that doesn’t work, the C’s will dust off Yogi Stewart to chip in his 6. The Celtics will not win, but they are not going to lose by nine in Paul Pierce’s home town.

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