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AC TITTICOCK'S WEEKLY FREE NBA BASKETBALL PICKS AND WINNERS
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AC's Wagercom 2006-2007 NBA Picks Season Record
Wins: Losses:
NBA Picks Winning Percentage: 0%
Record updated Saturdays and Mondays
Contact AC at ac@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
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AC's outlook on the NBA is an entertaining original column featured here at Wagercom. If you are prone to NBA betting or even just an NBA fan, make sure you come back often to read his articles and free NBA Basketball picks against the spread. AC will be providing us with a weekly outlook during the basketball season including free NBA Basketball picks on some of the weekend games each Friday and Saturday.
Our NBA expert AC has had 3 consecutive winning seasons picking NBA games against the spread for a combined 317-281 record yielding a 53% winning percentage which would have won you money including the VIG. AC does this out of the kindness of his heart and for the naked pictures of your girlfriends you send him as a token of your appreciation. So enjoy the columns and the picks..
AC'S NBA 2006-2007 SEASON PREVIEW:
The 2006-2007 NBA season is about to begin and I am giddier than Patrick Ewing at the Gold Club. The Heat are defending champs, Steve Nash is a two time defending MVP, and Stephen Jackson was apparently just defending his teammates (note to self, don’t argue with Stephen Jackson at a strip club, note to self #2, don’t have Wesley Snipes do my taxes, note to self #3, don’t fly with Snoop Dogg).
This season promises to be one of the most interesting in years as the Euro influence is becoming more popular in the NBA to the point where I predict we are only a few seasons away from teams outlawing showers in the locker rooms, bringing back cigarette smoking, and making black jeans a mandatory part of the dress code.
While I named last season “The Return of the East” (and incidentally, with Miami winning it all, I was right), I am calling this season “Revenge of the Euros.” With USA basketball’s loss in the World Championships, with Toronto’s utter disdain for American trained ballplayers, and with Phoenix showing that fluidity and ball movement can work in more than just porno, we are about to witness a return to team basketball. Sure Miami won it last year playing classic 1990s style one-on-one hoops, but the tide has already begun to turn and this year it will continue.
Also, this year there are many teams that could surprise critics and make a run for the title and/or respectability so it should be exciting, especially from a gambling perspective. Plus we still have Isiah and a whole season of Ron Ron Artest and his crazies. So sit back, buckle up, and enjoy winning money this NBA season with me.
As always, below are your boy AC’s rankings for each conference with teams ranked by expected record, throwing out any divisional seeding discrepancies that happen for the playoffs (ie. If I think the team that wins Atlantic division will have the 7th best record, I will rank them 7th, not 3rd as the playoff format dictates, and yes I just said “dick,” kind of).
Eastern Conference
1. Cleveland Cavaqueers: I ranked the Cavaqueers first last year in the East and if not for an injured Larry Hughes, they really could have done it. I know Hughes actually sucked pretty badly when he wasn’t injured, but the Cavs nearly beat the Pistons in the second round starting the forgettable Ronald “Flip” Murray in four of the games with Hughes being absent. Here is the deal, LeDong is good. He is so good, it almost doesn’t matter with whom he is playing. Sure the Cavs did almost nothing to improve this year, except get older and more mature, and frankly, that is enough. If Ilgauskus can stay healthy, Hughes can gel with the team, and LeDong can just be LeDong, then this is a 60 win team. Guaranteed.
2. Miami Heat: I think last year’s Heat team was lucky to win the title as most people didn’t expect Dirk to fold in the finals like the French in WWII. With an aging Shaq, the corpse of Gary Payton, and Evil Antoine Walker destined to make an appearance, this team has a lot not to like. However, they still have Dwyane Wyane Wade and a great motivator in Pat Riley and those two are worth 45 wins off the bat. They are not going to repeat, especially as Shaq seems as limber as Fred Gwynne in his prime (probably more limber than Fred Gwynne in his current rigor mortis, but I digress), but they should make things interesting.
3. Chicago Bulls: I am not yet on the Bulls bandwagon, but who else is there in the East, really? This division is in worse shape than Rosie O’Donnell at a Krispy Kreme opening. Sure the Bulls made the big splash with the Ben Wallace signing but they already were a good defensive team. What they need is a slasher/scorer who can take over in the clutch. They remind me a bit of the early 1990’s Cleveland teams. Great cast, deep roster, but no alpha dog (I mean Mark Price went to church every day, come on now, NBA alpha dogs gamble and bone strippers, they don’t go to church, and I am not joking about that). Can Ben Gordon be the guy to step up? I doubt it, but if Luol Deng continues to improve and if Tyrus Thomas can give them energy off the bench, the Bulls will be good enough to win 50 games, especially with Scott Skiles calling out plays as he is as intense as Taylor Rain in a Monsters of Cock video.
4. Orlando Magic: I may be a season early on this one as their front line is thinner than Kate Moss on a cocaine binge, but there is a lot of talent here. Dwight Howard is a beast, Jameer Nelson was throwing in 20 and 10 for about 2 months, and Hedo Turkoglu is more than just the NBA’s ugliest player. Throw in the possibility of a semi-healthy Grant Hill, an improved Darko Milicic, and sharp shooting JJ Redick, and you have the kind of role players you need to contend in the watered down East. Much of the season hinges on Dwight Howard’s maturing into a leadership role and he may be too nice to do that, but if he can put it together, watch out. And yes, I like JJ Redick as a third guard who can drop 12-15 a game and keep defenses honest. Imagine Craig Hodges with some dribbling ability.
5. Detroit Pistons: Remember when RaWeed Wallace was crazy with the TrailBlazers and nobody wanted him? Well guess what, he’s still crazy and despite relatively good behavior for 3 years, I feel an implosion coming. Flip Saunders is still a marginal coach, their bench is still as empty as a Robin Williams’ movie is empty of laughter, and Bill Laimbeer is still an ass (ok, that has nothing to do with this Pistons team, but the guy is an ass, had to be said). I expect a big decline from this team, even had Ben Wallace stayed. They are just happy they are not in the West.
6. New Jersey Nets: This is a tough pick because Vince Carter and Jason Kidd are as fragile as Raskolnikov’s psyche after he killed the pawn broker. If either one of them gets hurt, the Nets are in big trouble. However, with those two and Dicky Jefferson, they should have enough to win 45-50 games. Add in my favorite rookie Marcus Williams and an under-rated Nenad Krstic, whose name sets all kind of anagram records with “dancer stink” (perhaps why Stephen Jackson was so angry) and “dick tanners” (a phenomenal porn name) among others, and you have a team just good enough to maybe win a first round playoff series.
7. Washington Wizards: Gilbert Arenas is good. Plain and simple. Add in Antawn Jamison, Caron Butler, and a bunch of interchangeable 6 foot 5 to 6 foot 8 guys and you have a near .500 team which in the East is good enough.
8. Boston Celtics: I have never watched midget porn, but much like this year’s Celtics, I imagine it is either really good or really bad with no in between. The Celtics actually have a lot of young talent, 2 proven scorers (Pierce and Wally), and some decent role players. The problem is, this team really needs to be molded into a unit with defined roles and responsibilities and unfortunately they have Doc Rivers at the helm. Letting Rivers coach this team is like buying all the ingredients for duck confit and then bringing it to Chef BoyArdee to make instead of Charlie Trotter. If Al Jefferson and Kendrick Perkins are allowed to play 30 minutes a game with Wally, Gomes, Pierce, Delonte, Ratliff, and one of Rondo or Telfair rounding out the rotation, all while giving Gerald Green 10 minutes a night, this team could be scary. Gerald Green is an athlete not seen in Boston since the Dee Brown years and apparently Rajon Rondo is going to make me eat my words as I called him a bust on draft night.
If I were Danny Ainge, and I really should be, I would hire the Argentinian national team’s head coach to lead the Celtics. I don’t know who the Argentinian coach is, but they always win in international competition and don’t have a ton of talent, so he must be doing something right. If that doesn’t work, I would just hire the first homeless guy I saw or some week old lint as any of those would be better than Doc Rivers. As long as Rivers gets fired before the end of the first month, the Celtics can win 50, otherwise they are a 30 win team. As a Celtic fan, I am rooting for the former.
9. Indiana Pacers: I might be stretching here but this team is due for a fall. After suffering through 2 consecutive seasons of injuries, fights, and Ron Ron Artest, this team has to be emotionally spent. They got nothing for Artest, stole Al Harrington back, but now are relying on Jamal Tinsley at the point and Tinsley never saw a calf he couldn’t strain. Sure Jermaine O’Neal is a beast, and sure they will slow games down enough to keep every game close, but this team just doesn’t have it. I’d write an obligatory Stephen Jackson joke here, but I am known on occasion to frequent Gentlemens’ clubs and should I ever run into him at one, I would not want to already be on his bad side.
10. Milwaukee Bucks: Bogut is out for about a month, convicted sex offender Ruben Patterson may be starting at small forward, and Terry Stotts is still the coach. Sounds like a recipe for disaster, and by disaster I mean the draft lottery.
11. Charlotte Bobcats: I mocked Adam Morrison as being Wally Szczerbiak with diabetes but maybe that is not so bad since Wally averaged 19 points a game last year. So maybe Adam Morrison averages 13. I guess the positive to that would be it will finally allow doctors to quantify diabetes. They will know it is worth 6 points. With Okafor back and everyone’s all underrated Gerald Wallace at the 3 (if everyone considers him underrated, can he be underrated? And Beavis, why is it called taking a dump when you are really leaving a dump, I mean where are you taking it?), this team may surprise some people.
12. Philadelphia 76ers: Things the Sixers do well: Turn the ball over, take bad shots, not play defense, not get along with each other, not pass. Things the Sixers don’t do well: Play basketball. Add in the fact that their starting center Samuel Dalembert lets more balls slip through his fingers than Houston at her 500 man gang bang and you have a recipe for disaster.
13. Toronto Raptors: I love that Bryan Colangelo is giving the middle finger to US basketball by stocking his roster with Euros and Chris Bosh. I am excited for this experiment, not as excited as I am for the Flavor of Love reunion show, but excited nonetheless. I compare this Euro experiment to when the Red Sox tried a closer by committee because statistically speaking, it should work. Unfortunately, the Sox gave up on it because they had the wrong players, not necessarily the wrong idea. Even though I think Colangelo doesn’t have the right Euros yet, I hope he keeps trying.
14. Atlanta Hawks: I dare you to name Atlanta’s starting 5 and I’ll spot you Joe Johnson and Cliff Levingston.
15. New York Knicks: What else can one say about this disaster? Marbury and Francis go together worse than nuts and gum. I really have nothing else to say other than if my fans don’t make the Renaldo Balkman jersey the #1 selling jersey in the NBA, I will be sorely disappointed.
Western Conference:
1. Phoenix Suns: Even if Amare is not at full strength the Suns are just that good. They show up every night which is as rare in the NBA as a stripper telling the truth about dancing to pay her way through college. Pencil them in for at least 60 wins and enjoy the show. Plus that Barbosa guy can play.
2. Dallas Mavericks: Dirk has to prove that his choking in the finals was an aberration so look for him to come out scorching. With Devin Harris and Josh Howard one year more mature and Beeltejuice look alike Anthony Johnson providing stability at the point, this team should excel.
3. San Antonio Spurs: When I was a student, I remember taking essay tests and being bored half way through. I knew the answers (AC was quite studious) but found it tedious to have to spend 30 minutes writing them down. That is how I feel about the Spurs. I know they’re good, but I hate watching them for 48 minutes. They are the Home and Garden channel of the NBA in that they could double as a sedative. That said, Duncan has been breaking down and while I am excited for the possibility of the Jackie Butler era, I don’t think the Spurs have the requisite depth this year to be at the top.
4. Houston Rockets: I’d have them rated higher but I know McGrady will likely miss some games due to injury as he has an abundance of sand in his vagina. If healthy, this team can really be dominant. Yao is coming into his own and with Battier, Bonzi Wells, Rafer Alston, and Juwan Howard, the Rockets have a talented supporting cast. As an aside, I would pay money to sit in on a conversation between Bonzi Wells and Yao Ming.
5. LA Clippers: I love that the Clips were the team that overpaid for Tim Thomas. Elgin Baylor once again proves he is one of the worst GMs by failing to understand the term “contract year.” We all remember how Thomas’s last long term contract worked out as it involved the Bulls simply telling him not to show and then dumping on the Suns for I believe a roll of quarters and a peppermint pattie. Nice job Elgin, really. Otherwise, this is a solid team. Kaman, Brand, Cassell, Livingston, and a full year of Maggette should allow the Clips to compete with the best in the West.
6. Denver Nuggets: Melo is going to go nuts this year, just a feeling.
7. Sacramento Kings: Ron Ron loves to ball. I’m pretty sure he and Eric Mussleman will not co-exist for long, but long enough to help the Kings to almost 50 wins.
8. LA Lakers: Given Kobe’s penchant for going back door on hotel workers, I find it more than coincidental that his name is an anagram for “kabob entry.” Of course that is neither here nor there as the only back door that is going to matter for the Lakers are the back door cuts necessary to run the triangle offense. I am amazed how Kobe has resuscitated his image so much, in fact it is the biggest turnaround since Travolta scored Pulp Fiction. Either way, this team should be better than last year but they still lack depth (so typical of the LA scene) to compete for the title.
9. Utah Jazz: Kirilenko’s back loves staying healthy as much as ARod loves getting hits in the postseason. If Utah were in the East, they would be the 4th or 5th best team. Unfortunately, the West is too good for an injury prone team to be guaranteed a playoff spot. Watch out for Paul Millsap, an AC draft favorite. He rebounds like I make dick jokes, which is often and inappropriately, and I am not entirely sure what that means.
10. Memphis Grizzlies: I just spent a half hour trying to think of something interesting, funny, or insightful to say about Memphis and couldn’t come up with anything. I guess now I know what it feels like to be Ray Romano trying to write comedy.
11. Seattle Supersonics: A group from Oklahoma City just bought the Sonics which means one thing, even fewer people will now care about this team. With Robert Swift out for the year with a knee injury, the Sonics are left with a center rotation of Johan Petro and Mouhamed Sene and I’ll let you write the punchline to that but if it doesn’t involve sheep shearing, then you better try again.
12. Golden Shower State Warriors: Mike Dunleavy Jr answers the question; how good would former Celtics #1 draft pick Michael Smith have been had he not had arms shorter than those of a 3 year old (and a 3 year old girl to boot)? Needless to say, the answer is “still crappy.” This team isn’t just bad, it’s now bad with an overpaid coach. With Don Nelson thinking about using Troy Murphy at center, you’ll have Warriors fans pining for the days of Alton Lister, and I am pretty sure that is not a compliment
13. New Orleans Whorenets: I like Chris Paul, and I even like David West. It’s the other 10 guys that blow.
14. Minnesota Timberwolves: Kevin McHale has done a terrific job of acquiring the Celtics’ underperforming head cases. He actually traded for Marcus Banks (who has since moved on), Mark “Stone Hands” Blount, and Ricky “Smoke the Sticky Icky” Davis. I hope Danny Ainge is on the phone with him now talking Tony Allen and Sebastian Telfair. Does anyone know if Kevin Garnett is Swedish for Cal Ripken?
15. Portland Trailblazers: Things I would rather do than watch a Trailblazers game: Read a Jane Austen novel, watch an episode of Mad About You, vote for George Bush, listen to Billy Crystal talk about the Yankees (and there might be nothing more vapid, self-serving, and uninteresting than that. If the US wants to use torture to get information from prisoners, why don’t we just send Billy Crystal to Abu Ghraib and have him talk about Mickey Mantle. If we did that, I am sure we would have Osama Bin Laden’s whereabouts within 5 minutes, but I digress). When Zach Randolph is your best player and team leader, maybe you should just concede before it all starts.
Some quick notables:
Biggest Upside Surprise Potential: Celtics and Magic
Biggest Downside Surprise Potential: Pacers and Pistons
Likely NBA Finals Match-up: Cavs vs Suns/Mavericks/Spurs/Rockets (depends on health).
NBA Champion: Whichever of the Suns/Mavericks/Spurs/Rockets is healthiest. If they’re all healthy, look for the Rockets and Suns to battle it out with the Suns taking the West and the title.
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