AC TITTICOCK'S WEEKLY FREE NBA BASKETBALL PICKS AND WINNERS

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10/30/05 2005-2006 NBA Season Preview

AC's outlook on the NBA is an entertaining original column featured here at Wagercom. If you are prone to NBA betting or even just an NBA fan, make sure you come back often to read his articles and free NBA Basketball picks against the spread. AC will be providing us with a weekly outlook during the basketball season including free NBA Basketball picks on some of the weekend games each Friday and Saturday.

Our NBA expert AC wrapped up the 2003-2004 NBA betting season with a 51% winning percentage against the spread on his basketball picks after 190 games and has improved that to a 57% winning percentage against the spread completing the 2004-2005 season.

The 2005-2006 NBA season is finally here and it shall be known as “The Return of the East” as the Eastern Conference has 6 solid teams after spending several years as the West’s ugly step-sister, kind of like that chick who used to play Blossom . Gone are the days of the West’s dominance which leaves the NBA more open this year than Taylor Rain’s backside. As always, there are many exciting questions we will answer during the year. Are the Cavaliers for real? When will Miami implode (I have the over on 2 weeks after the all-star break)? Can a revamped Kings team continue their run? And when will Larry Brown officially realize Isiah Thomas is an idiot and make a push to be the GM as well as the coach (the over-under is yesterday)? I am not only excited by all of these questions but also excited to get my gamble on and win some money. Plus I will be implementing a strict dress code, where all females reading this column will have to wear only boots and a cowboy hat, nothing else. Those breaking the rules will be fined inappropriately.

Anyway I will break down each of the 30 teams for you in rank order from best to worst in each conference to let you know who is for real and who is simply pretending. As an additional bonus this year, and in honor of Tony Allen , Andray Blatche, and all other NBA players who have been in trouble with the law (yes even you Kobe), I will be including a “Most likely to get arrested” player for each team and the reason for their arrest. So sit back and enjoy the preview, and ladies, “giddy up.”

The Eastern Conference

1. Cleveland Cavaqueers: My kingdom, my kingdom, my kingdom for LeDong. This is the beginning of the Ledong era, seriously, he is that good. But it’s not just that he is that good, it’s that the Cavs have made some brilliant moves this offseason. Larry Hughes is coming off of a monster year and is the most underrated 2 guard in the game. Other than Dwyane Wayne Wade, who in the East is better at this position? He can score, he can defend, and most of all, he can take pressure of LeDong at the end of the game. Add in an underrated Donyell Marshall (a nightly double-double with an outside shot), an injury-free Ilgauskus, and a rebound machine in Anderson Varejao, and you have the team to beat. Yeah, I know they are weak at point guard but the ball will be in LeDong’s hands when it matters (ala Jordan during the BJ Armstrong/Randy Brown years) with Larry Hughes also more than capable of running the show. I have to admit that last year as I was writing my preview, I looked at the Suns team and couldn’t believe how talented they were but then read some of the so-called NBA experts and wound up downplaying how good I thought they would be. I will not do that this year, especially as former Celtic and Sixer head coaching failure Jim O’Brainded is now an NBA expert for ESPN.com where he serves up vapid, useless, uninsightful drivel not seen in print since Jane Austen died (as an aside, I am going to start a campaign to make the anniversary of Jane Austen’s death a national holiday, kind of like people do with James Joyces’ Bloomsday day, only with more strippers).

Player most likely to get arrested: Donyell Marshall

Crime: Smoking the sticky icky.

2. Miami Heat: Look, we all know this is going to end badly, as we all know there is only one basketball for Shaq, Dwyane Wayne Wade, Jason Williams, Antoine Walker, James Posey, Gary Payton, and Jason Kapono to hog (ok, maybe not Kapono, but you get my point). Plus, remember what happened the last time Antoine went to a contending team to be a role player (see Dallas Mavericks circa 2004) or Gary Payton did the same (see Lakers circa 2004)? This has a 70% chance of failure and a 30% chance of being a championship team. Add that together, divide it by 2, and then take it to the square root of pi and what do you get (hint, it’s not 42)? You get a talented Dwayne Wade and an angry Shaq ready to try to keep players in line. It’s almost like the Love Boat episode that featured Abe Vagoda and Ron Palillo, the star power was immense but they learned to share the promenade deck. If this team can do the same they will be strong.

Player most likely to get arrested: Shaq

Crime: Strangling Antoine Walker after Antoine launches his 53rd 3 pointer of a game in the first half.

3. Indiana Pacers: Does anyone know what the deal is with Jonathan Bender? Seriously, I haven’t seen that much wasted talent since Nipsey Russell was relegated to dinner theater (and let’s all pour some out for Nipsey by the way). If Bender gets it, Artest stays sane, Stephen Jackson doesn’t kill anyone, Jermaine O’Neal stays healthy, Jamaal Tinsley progresses, and Danny Granger plays like he has so far, this team will be loaded. Sure they lost Reggie Miller but for those of you that forget, he hadn’t actually had a good year since 1997. Plus the Pacers added Sarunas Jasikevicius, the top European point guard, to the mix and he is going to surprise some people. In all, this is a team with a ton of talent that if they can stay together will make a nice run to the top.

Player most likely to get arrested: Ron Artest

Crime: Crimes against humanity

4. Detroit Pistons: I struggle with this Pistons team. On one hand, they have the same nucleus that won a championship and narrowly repeated last year. On the other hand, they are a year older, a coach worse, and haven’t added any significant talent (and yes I am including Dale Davis). So what do you do? The fact is no matter how badly Flip Saunders coaches, the Pistons are a veteran team who understands how to win which will allow them to stay competitive during the season.

Player most likely to get arrested: Darko Milicic

Crime: Impersonating an NBA player

5. New Jersey Nets: They are one injury away from being a pretender but if Kidd, Carter, and stone hands Jefferson stay healthy they have one of the most talented trios in the NBA. Kristic isn’t bad in the middle and if you add in AC favorite Marc Jackson plus Uncle Cliffy Robinson, they have a decent supporting cast. They won’t contend for a title but could win a first round series.

Player most likely to get arrested: Jason Kidd

Crime: Spousal abuse. What’s that saying about a leopard not changing it’s spots?

6. Milwaukee Bucks: I had them 7th until the Jamaal Magloire trade. Speaking of which, can some check to see if Isiah Thomas is running the Knicks and the Hornets? Wow, what a great move by the Bucks. What people forget is that this team was in the middle of the Eastern Conference pack two years ago before injuries hit last year and slowed them down. With TJ Ford back and the additions of Bobby Simmons, the aforementioned Magloire, and number one pick Andrew Bogut, the Bucks are going to surprise some people. Add in Maurice Williams and Dan Gadzooks Gadzuric and you have a solid team. Two quick asides, how did Terry Stotts get another coaching job in the NBA with a 52-85 career record (my vote is compromising pictures of David Stern and a Llama) and yes, I like Bogut.

Player most likely to get arrested: Jamaal Magloire

Crime: Immigration fraud, no way this guy is Canadian, he is way too good (and yes I know about Steve Nash).

7. Chicago Bulls: Those of you who regularly read my columns know how high I am on Kirk Heinrich (ok that sounded a little gay, but I am telling you this guy is the real deal). With a more experienced Ben Gordon and Luol Deng, the Bulls have a nice young nucleus (not as nice as the nucleus of a radium atom with it’s 88 sexy protons, but nice nonetheless). If Tyson Chandler can finally learn some offense and one of their other young guys steps it up, the Bulls can be an underdog team.

Player most likely to get arrested: Tim Thomas

Crime: Posession. I hear Tim likes to “stir it up” if you know what I mean.

8. Washington Wizards: Antawn Jamison and Gilbert Arenas are very good, not as good as the show Drawn Together on the Comedy Channel (which is really becoming the greatest show in the history of tv, and I am not making that up), but still good enough to squeak in to the final playoff spot in the East.

Player most likely to get arrested: Brendan Haywood

Crime: Identity theft. Somehow people think he can play hoops.

The Pretenders:

9. Boston Celtics: You all know I am a big Celtic fan but I have serious doubts about this team. Their point guard combo currently consists of college shooting guard Delonte West and the second round pick Orien “the constellation” Greene. Needless to say this is not good, unless of course you are trying to get into the NBA draft lottery. The rest of the team consists of about 76 guys who play the same position, and none of them other than Pierce and Ricky Davis play it very well. Many Celtic fans think Ainge has done a great job through the draft (though they overlook the debacle that is Marcus Banks) but what they don’t realize is he has assembled a bunch of marginal players. Sure Justin Reed and Ryan Gomes were a good second round picks but its not like they are impact players, I mean maybe they should have gone late first round instead of second round but you know what that leaves you with? Two average players that play the same position. Unfortunately, this team is just not very good, even with a rededicated Paul Pierce. I give them a 10% chance at 50 wins and a 90% chance of leading the league in turnovers, negative rebound margin, and Tommy Points.

Player most likely to get arrested not named Tony Allen: Mark Blount

Crime: Vehicular homicide. Blount’s lethargy seeps over to his personal life where he falls asleep at the wheel of his car and causes an accident.

10. Philadelphia 76ers: The Sixers have a nice starting 5, especially if it were 1997. Unfortunately for them it’s not, which means that Iverson and Webber will both spend about 25 games each on the injured list. With a bench as lethal as Ray Romano is funny, this team has no chance. On the bright side, they are out of the clutches of Jim O’Braindead and are now being led by Mo “Ass” Cheeks (and I had no reason for typing that last sentence except I wanted to write ass cheeks).

Player most likely to get arrested: Kyle Korver

Crime: Forced sodomy of underaged boys (the haircut says it all).

11. New York Knicks: They have a player with no heart, literally and figuratively (Eddy Curry), a GM with no brains (Isiah), and an overall team with no courage. Problem for them is Larry Brown is no Dorothy. This team is going to be a mess for the first few months until Larry Brown can figure out how to play Marbury and Crawford without wanting resign on the spot. The Knicks are really just a poorly put together team and it is going to take a Larry Brown-Isiah feud to even begin to put them back together. On the bright, with the D-league about to begin, it will give Isiah another league to fail in once he gets fired (and for those of you not counting at home, he has failed so far as coach of the Pacers, Owner of the CBA, and now GM of the Knicks).

Player most likely to get arrested: Nate Robinson

Crime: Homicide. He strangles Larry Brown for leaving him on the bench behind crappy Marbury and crappier Crawford.

12. Orlando Magic: Grant Hill is hurt again, Steve Francis is about to start the decline of a marginal career, and Shaquille O’Neal is not walking back through that door. Apparently Dwight Howard is pretty good but that and Jameer Nelson at point guard will get you 35 wins at best.

Player most likely to get arrested: Grant Hill

Crime: Being too damn nice. Seriously, nobody is that nice, he has to be hiding something, I mean you all saw that BTK killer guy right?

13. Atlanta Hawks: I actually think the Hawks are going to be much improved and that was before they got Joe Johnson. The Smith they have (JR or Josh, I really have no idea and don’t actually ever plan on knowing) can play and if Al Harrington learns to pass they could reach 25-30 wins. Even though it was a terrible trade for the Hawks, Joe Johnson should help them to 2-3 more wins than they would have had without him. By the way, does anyone know if the Joe Johnson signing and overpaying was an homage to the great Jon Koncak deal that started it all?

Player most likely to get arrested: Marvin Williams

Crime: Perjury. He fooled NBA scouts into thinking he could play.

14. Toronto Raptors: The six words that signify your NBA team is going to be terrible “Introducing your starting center, Rafael Araujo.” On the bright side, we can blame Canada for this eyesore. Somewhere James Naismith is rolling over in his grave.

Player most likely to get arrested: Jalen Rose

Crime: Fashion miscue. Have you seen the purple suit?

15. Charlotte Bobcats: Do you think Eric Montross was calling for a tryout once he saw the Bobcats draft Sean May and Raymond Felton. I heard Dave Popson, Donald Williams, and Serge Zwicker are anxiously awaiting for phone calls as well.

Player most likely to get arrested: Melvin Ely

Crime: Loving life too much. Did you all see he was recently robbed of $30k of jewelry outside of a strip club and tracked it down at a pawn shop? I may have to buy an Ely jersey now. This is reminiscent of the time Jiggy’s car was broken into outside of the World Famous Mitchell Brother’s O’Farrell Theatre and someone stole my new belt (except it was about $29,970 less damage).

TheWestern Conference

1. San Antonio Spurs: Take the best team from last year and add an aging Michael Finley and Nick Van Exel, as well as Argentinian Fabricio Oberto and you have a team ready to repeat. I know every one is making this pick but sometimes the consensus is right, unless it’s about NASCAR which is just plain stupid. As an aside, Fabricio Oberto may be my new favorite player as his name is an anagram for Afro Crib Bootie, Erotica Boob Fir, and Rabbi For Cootie.

Player most likely to get arrested: Bruce Bowen

Crime: Assault. Interestingly enough, it happens when he is on the court playing defense.

2. Denver Nuggets: Will the real Denver Nuggets please stand-up? After a terrible first half last year, this team gelled under George Karl. They have everything but a shooter unless Voshon Lenard can comeback healthy or Julius Hodge learned something in the preseason.

Player most likely to get arrested: Melo

Crime: Smoking the sticky icky. This time it is his backpack.

3. Houston Rockets: Houston is another team that was just finding their stride at the end of last year. They had a bunch of injuries throughout the year so if they can stay healthy, they can make a run. They do get this year’s annual Brent Barry award for most over-hyped free agent signing in Stromile Swift (and yes this award is new). Apparently I wasn’t on the memo that declared Swift good, but then again, I can’t tell the difference between him and Marcus Fizer other that the fact that I don’t think Fizer is still in the league.

Player most likely to be arrested: Bobby Sura

Crime: Incest. He’s from Wilkes-Barre, Pa. Do da maff.

4. Sacramento Kings: Geoff Petrie has managed to rebuild this team without having to go through a rebuilding period, weird how that works, eh? I like the addition of Shareef Abdur-Radio-Rahim and as always, Mike Bibby can play this game. It should be fun to watch Peja choke in another playoff series as well.

Player most likely to be arrested: Brad Miller

Crime: Inappropriate relations with a herd of sheep. Country boys will be country boys.

5. Dallas Mavericks: This team is beginning it’s decline but Dirk is still good enough to get them into the playoffs. Plus the always fun Mark Cuban will do just enough to make sure this team makes the playoffs but loses early.

Player most likely to get arrested: Pavel Podkolzin

Crime: Espionage

6. Seatttle Supersonics: Seattle fans, and I know you are out there since I receive those less than friendly e-mails (and to answer them in one short reply for all of you; no, yes, thanks, and if I could have sex with myself I would and often), your team has won me over. Losing Antonio Daniels is actually a big deal (and yes I just wrote that) but Allen and Lewis are legitimate players. The lack of a big man is a bit worrisome but then again so is global warming but some things you can’t control (actually, I think you can control both of those but that is beside the point). The biggest reason for this team to fail is that Bob Weiss is the coach which is never a good sign, but then again maybe he learned something in the last 11 years.

Player most likely to get arrested: Robert Swift

Crime: Seducing Danny Ainge into lusting after him. Most likely through dropping ruphies in Ainge’s Mormon water.

7. Utah Jazz: Kirilenko is healthy, Deron Williams can play, and Boozer is not as bad as he was last year. Plus Mehmet Okur has had a full summer of rest. This is one of those high beta teams that can do just enough to squeak out a playoff spot. Plus, the Jazz have Greg Ostertag back which is always good for a few laughs.

Player most likely to get arrested: Mehmet Okur

Crime: Not being Mormon (them Utah folks don’t take kindly to strangers)

8. Memphis Grizzlies: I still believe in Pau and this may be the year where he finally gets some national attention. This is a nice little, team, I don’t know, what else is there to say?

Player most likely to get arrested: Damon Stoudamire

Crime: Posession. Old habits are hard to break

The Pretenders

9. Minnesota Timberwolves: You can never count out a team led by Kevin Garnett, the best player in the NBA, much in the same way you can’t out the chance of getting herpes should you go to Vegas. Even though I grew up with the Celtics of the 1980’s, I have no idea how Kevin McHale can still have a job. How can he waste the talents of Kevin Garnett by surrounding him with Olowakrappi, Wally Szczerbiak, and Troy Hudson? Seriously, would it kill Kevin to sign some real players? On the bright side, they still have a guy named Ndudi, which is pronounced Doodie and interestingly enough is Swahili for the same thing.

Player most likely to be arrested: Mark Madsen

Crime: Illegal use of the hands.

10. LA Lakers: Kobe and Phil Jackson needed to be reunited about as much as Wham! does. Seriously, this is going to be ugly, not as ugly as Steve Colter but ugly nonetheless. The Lakers team still has to figure out what to do with Lamar “Smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em” Odom in addition to trying to restore the career of Kwame Brown who according to Michael Jordan, loves men (not that there is anything wrong with that, I just thought I’d point it out). I just checked, and Aaron Mckie is running the point which means if you bought Laker playoff tickets from a scalper, you got gypped.

Player most likely to get arrested: Kobe Bryant

Crime: Inappropriate “tipping” of a hotel maid

11. Golden State: This team is getting a lot of buzz right now but unfortunately the only buzz they will have during the year is the buzz coming from Chris Mullin whom I continue to maintain is back on the sauce with the moves he has made. Baron Davis breaks down more than the plot of a Beverly Hills 90210 episode, and Jason Richardson still can’t play within himself. Plus I guarantee that these two will not be able to co-exist over a full season. They are weak up front, lack depth, and are still waiting for Mike Dunleavy to have a break out year (and I hope they are not holding their breath on that one). Could they make a run at the playoffs? Certainly. Will they? Not unless they can get double digit scoring from the Foyle/Taft combination, which is about as likely as the Lakers rehiring Phil Jackson, uh, scratch that, but you know what I mean.

Player most likely to get arrested: Chris Taft

Crime: All of the above

12. Phoenix Suns: No Q, no Joe Johnson, and now no Amare equals no playoffs. I dare you to name the Suns’ starting 5 and I will spot you Nash and Marion. With a healthy Amare, this team would have still challenged but even if he comes back in February, it will take awhile for him to get back into basketball shape. They made a great trade for their future in giving up Joe Johnson, but will struggle without him this year. They’ll always have last year though.

Player most likely to get arrested: Jim Jackson

Crime: Cashing illegal social security checks, or is he actually 65?

13: Portland Jailblazers: Telfair is going to be given the keys to the kingdom, problem is the kingdom features Ruben Patterson and Zach Randolph. Watch for Joe Pryzbilla to continue to improve and average a double-double while leading the league in blocks.

Player most likely to get arrested: All of them

Crime: You name it

14. LA Clippers: Buck Williams (oops, I mean Elton Brand) and Corey Maggette are a nice one-two punch and if Shaun Livingston can stay healthy they may be competitive. Otherwise, the Clippers are the Clippers and we all know that means lottery pick.

Player most likely to get arrested: Walter McCarty

Crime: Infidelity after illegally having Tommy Heinsohn’s love child.

15. New Orleans Hornets: To prove my continued confusion between the Hornets and the Bobcats, I initially wrote the following about Charlotte, and then realized Jamaal Magloire had been traded from the Hornets and not the Bobcats. David Stern needs to do something about this.

The first thing I would do if ran a young NBA team with not a lot of talent but a solid young big man is to trade him for a marginal swing man and first round pick. Oh no, wait, I would do the exact opposite of that. What a bad move by Isiah Thomas or whoever is running the Hornets in trading away Jamaal Magloire for Desmond Mason and a number 1 pick. You don’t give up big young guys (and yes that sounded kind of gay) for marginal players.

Player most likely to get arrested: Chris Andersen

Crime: Anything, please just something so he will not be able to embarrass all Caucasians in the dunk contest again this year.

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