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WEEK 14 NCAA FOOTBALL PICKS
My colleague over at “On My Boyfriend’s Couch” wrote a very interesting column about the upcoming rivalry in Los Angeles. This morning a concerned readership inquired if this was now a pro-USC website. I of course responded that we are neutral as are all great Pulitzer Prize winning journalists. In an effort to regain the site’s neutrality and avoid becoming the Fox News or CNN of sports gambling we here at wagercom.com are proud and honored to offer the following rebuttal.
First I should address 13-9. Please see the clip to help set the scene
The best part is the look on Pete Carroll’s face as you see the realization set in that he has just lost to one of the worst coaches in the country. Did UCLA fans take a little too much from the game? Maybe, I do know people who would wake up at 8:47 so they always started their day at 13 to 9. Let’s not dwell on the past rather let’s address my fellow journalist’s points one by one.
Team Colors
UCLA
Blue and Gold
According to the professionals at Color Wheel “Blue is the color of the sky and sea. It is often associated with depth and stability. It symbolizes trust, loyalty, wisdom, confidence, intelligence, faith, truth, and heaven. Blue is a masculine color; according to studies, it is highly accepted among males.” Gold is obvious; wealth, success, etc (please note they were using gold before Karl Dorrell became coach so it made more sense then).
Manly and successful, nothing wrong there.
USC
Ketchup and Mustard
Perhaps more appropriate as a condiment for hot dogs but even then lacking the flair of say onions, relish, jalapenos, or chili. Perhaps they would have been more aptly named the Ghetto Dogs, or just Street Meat.
Mascot
UCLA
The Bear
Well known as an enduring symbol of ferocity and strength.
USC
The Trojan
The USC mascot, Tommy Trojan (clever name to those that are mildly retarded) rides Traveler, a horse named after that of Confederate General Robert E. Lee’s. Kudos SC, you have successfully combined two of the most memorable losers in human history. Why not just name yourselves “The Dorky Kids in Second Grade Who got Kicked in the Balls by The Cool Kids.” One other thing due to fairly recent events when I see a representative of USC with a gloved hand and a large knife…well…is that really a good mascot for them?
Home Field
UCLA
The Rose Bowl
One of the most famous and hallowed fields in all of college football, set in a friggin stunning arroyo in the middle of a golf course where you tailgate.
USC
The Los Angeles Coliseum
A rotting hulk that does about as much justice to its Roman namesake as William Shatner does to The Beatles “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.:
It is also located in quaint and charming South Central Los Angels, an area made famous by the film classic Boys in the Hood, the TV show cops, and the LA riots. Think Disneyland but replace the fun and family entertainment with poverty, crack whores, and drive bys.
The Coaches
UCLA
Karl Dorrell
Okay this is where it gets a little difficult. He’s a very nice man with a loving family. Yes in a perfect world he would punt on 1st-4th down, but I prefer to think of that as creatively thinking outside the box…Okay I’m reaching here… let’s just go with 13-9.
USC
Pete Carroll
Sexy and silver haired? Sure. A winner? No question. However we all know that the man is a convicted pedophile…And if he isn’t well he should be.
The Cheerleaders
UCLA
They do great performances; they stunt, and dance their little hearts out. They’ve got spirit, how about you? God bless each and every one of them.
USC
Okay they’re hot and wear tight sweaters, but they have no true cheering skill. Where are the pyramids, the clever rhythmic chants, the leaps, the jumps, the passion? I mean all they are is hot in really tight sweaters. Who wants that, honestly?
My colleague also expressed an interest in sexually humiliating bets. She and I concur on this subject. With that in mind I offer my prediction.
UCLA +20 @ USC
Take the points and tea-bag your significant other.
OTHER COLLEGE PICKS
Virginia Tech -4 ½ @ Boston College
I’ll go against Darwinism and take the turkey like bird over the eagle.
Oregon State Pick Em @ Oregon
UCLA shut them out, perhaps OSU can force them into negative points.
Oklahoma vs. Missouri +3
The Tigers playing the national championship…Oh yeah the BCS definitely works.
Washington +14 @ Hawaii
Willingham hates winning but loves a close loss. You have to respect that.
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