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FREE WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
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Wagercom College Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 51 | Losses: 45 | Ties: 4
NCAA Picks Winning Percentage: 53%
Record updated weekly
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NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE PICKS:
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WEEK 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
Larry Johnson twittered his picks to wagercom.com last week and all of you readers won free money with his winning selections against the spread. We can only hope you use the extra cash to get some extra snatch, LJ would have wanted it that way, especially because he apparently hates gay people (again, wagercom.com does not condone this kind of behavior, but we are not above putting winning money ahead of our morals).
 This week, wagercom.com has a special guest writer who e-mailed us out of the blue asking to pick games. As you all know, next Tuesday is Sesame Street's 40th anniversary (which means Elmo will be found at 11am next Wednesday morning face down in a gutter, reeking of Maker's Mark and Big Bird juice, with dried blood smattered across his furry anus) and they are furiously marketing the show in anticipation. We all learned to count, read, and ogle breasts thanks to Sesame Street (especially thanks to the lovely Maria). We also learned to accept things out of the mainstream like gay marriage (thanks to Bert and Ernie) and the homeless (thanks to Oscar the Grouch). And that brings us to our guest writer.
We received an e-mail from an angry Oscar the Grouch who was perturbed that he has not been the star of Sesame Street and is not figured prominently enough in the promotion of the 40th anniversary. Oscar wanted a forum to vent about having to live in a trash can, having to constantly play second fiddle to a 10 foot androgynous bird, and having to live on the discarded week old food from Mr. Hooper's store. While we are not sure what Oscar knows about football, he assures us he deciduously goes through thrown out betting slips in his trash can on a daily basis. We were surprised he wanted to reach out to our fans, but we were more surprised at his misanthropy and language. But he assures us he will win us all money, and if you can't trust a guy who lives in a trash can, who can you trust?
Oscar the Grouch's College Football Picks:
 First of all, thanks to wagercom.com for letting me make these picks. Even if wagercom.com is a shitstain of a website, at least they are giving me my due and not making me play second fiddle to some oversized mentally challenged elephant who looks a bit like a frontal shot of Lexington Steele from below the waste, or play second fiddle to a little red assclown who laughs when tickled in his special place.
Secondly, I am going to win you all money because I need to win money to get out of this fucking trash can. You think I like living in this fetid shithole? Hells no. Apparently A is for Asshole as I'd have to be one to keep working in these conditions.
Northwestern +16 at Iowa:
Due to being on this stupid kids show for 40 years, I know a child molester when I see one and let me assure all of you Kirk Ferentz is a child molester. As a result, his team could report him to the authorities any day which means Iowa is one phone call away from being taken over by child protective services and those shitbags do not know how to coach football.
Florida State at Clemson -8.5:
Jimbo Fisher may get less respect than me but at least he doesn't have to live in a trash can. FSU's defense is going to get treated like Ernie's asshole after Bert has been out drinking all night, and that is not good for FSU. There's a reason that boy cries for his rubber ducky.
South Carolina +7 at Arkansas:
Two states who really could use some of the stupid bullshit they teach on Sesame Street. Like how to count to 3. From spending so much time in the trash, I know a rat when I see one and the ol' ball coach is a rat. Fortunately for him, rats win games in college football.
Ohio State at Penn State -4:
The only thing worse than listening to Guy Smiley sing is watching Tyrelle Pryor cry about how overrated he has been.
TCU -24.5 at San Diego State:
I have been doing this show for 40 years and I have no fucking idea what Grover is. Seriously, what the fuck is that guy? Is he a cat? is he a monster? What the fuck? You know what I else I don't know? How the fuck San Diego State can even come close to TCU. I'd give those turd burglars 35 and they still wouldn't cover.
Vanderbilt at Florida -35:
I miss the days when Roosevelt Franklin ruled the street. That dude was a straight up bad ass mother fucker. I remember when he once cut that coke fiend Kermit the Frog for trying to skip out without paying for his dime bag. And Franklin always made sure his ho Betty Lou paid him his cut when she was done finding Sherlock Hemlock's magnifying glass, if you know what I mean.
The point is, you know who else is a bad ass like good old Roosevelt? The Florida Gators. They'll gauge your fucking eyes out if you mess with them.
Connecticut +17 at Cincinnati:
I live in a fucking trash can so I know what it is like to live in Cincinnati. Connecticut is going to want to get out of there as fast as possible so look for them to run alot of time off the clock and keep the game close.
Oregon State at Cal -7:
C isn't just for cookie, it's for the Cal Bears who can run the football. As an aside, I've had to survive for 40 years on the Cookie Monster's fucking uneaten crumbs for lunch. Why can't that fat stupid meathead either slobber less on the cookies or just give me the whole fucking cookie if he can't eat it himself. Speaking of which, who the fuck keeps giving dingbat the cookies? I'm living in a fucking trash can, can't you help a grouch out?
LSU at Alabama -7.5:
The one thing I know for sure is that The Count didn't come from either of these states or his name would be the Kan't Kount (they can't spell either). Alabama can play some football though.
Virginia at Miami -13.5:
You know what sucks? Sesame Street wrote me in a little grouch named Grundgetta a while back which made my trash can a bit less jizz stained. She not only loved the stank on my hanglow, but she was such a freaky grouch that she begged me to recycle my bottle in her can, if you know what I mean. Then those fucksticks wrote her off the show and left poor old Oscar all by himself. The point of this is, Miami has some hot fucking chicks. Hot enough to make Herry Monster's hairy manster stand on end, and Herry doesn't go for the ladies.
So take the Canes, cuz Uncle Luke would want you to.
Mah na mah na bitches.
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