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FREE WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
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Wagercom College Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 62 | Losses: 53 | Ties: 5
NCAA Picks Winning Percentage: 54%
Record updated weekly
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NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE PICKS:
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WEEK 12 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
Last week Swine Flu came to wagercom.com and went 6-3-1 to win you all money as his mea culpa for causing so much sickness and disease. He feels bad about everything but hopes that the money you won with him last week can be put towards making your lives better, like lap dances and chocolate Necco Wafers. Interestingly enough, Swine Flu's escapades here at Wagercom.com must have spread throughout the disease community, like well, like swiine flu as wagercom.com received an inquiry from AIDS to also write a column. However, we had to turn him down because there are two things wagercom.com does not do under any circumstance: 1. Cross the streams 2. Fuck with AIDS.
That said, we like that this column has become a bit about redemption. There aren't many ways for people to reach their fans these days (not counting twitter, facebook, other blogs, texting, sex tapes, the media, etc.) so wagercom.com is happy to serve as a conduit to those in search of an audience. This week, we were contacted by the lovely young New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert. You may remember her from this video where she does everything but fist the girls of the BYU soccer team. Ms. Lambert (and we don't feel comfortable yet calling her Elizabeth) tells us that she knows a lot about college football, being a college athlete herself, and promises us if she doesn't win you all money, she will simply kick you in the nuts should you complain. So everything sounds good here, right?
Elizabeth Lambert's College Football Picks:
First of all I'd like to thank wagercom.com for having me. And AC and Jiggy you can relax now, I was never going to rip out your nut hairs with rusty tweezers if you didn't let me write this, it was just a joke. I would have used shards of glass dipped in acid.
Obviously I regret my actions as I detail in this New York Times piece (where I must say I look delicious with my tight white sweater and pink scarf). However, I wanted to reach the real sports fans and not just those latte drinking, tree hugging, cry babies who read the New York Times. Therefore, I am here on wagercom.com to apologize to the real sports fans and to win you some money to show you all how much Lizzy loves you. So bet with me, because if you don't, I'll find you and rip out your fucking heart and feed that still beating heart to a stray cat.
Air Force +8 at Brigham Young:
Brigham Young make Lambert mad. Uhhh. Lambert crush Brigham Young. Brigham Young bad. Bad Mormons, bad.
Purdue -3 at Indiana:
Indiana is really a terrible football team. Their coach contacted me about helping their players learn how to tackle. That can't be a good sign.
North Carolina at Boston College -3.5:
UNC can't play in cold weather and BC fans are loud and obnoxious and love starting fights. My kind of people.
Ohio State -12 at Michigan:
This rivalry is as intense and heated as my hatred of the Brigham Young's women's soccer team. With Michigan crying to their administration about the coaches working them too hard in practice, look for Ohio State to kick these whiny little babies right in the nuts (and I am happy to show them how to do that).
Kansas at Texas -27.5:
Yeah, it's a lot of points to give but you got a problem with that?
Cal at Stanford -7.5:
I've received many offers since the video of me taking on Brigham Young hit ESPN. None more intriguing than from www.ultimatesurrender.com (may not be safe for your work you pussy) which is out in California. I was thinking about joining them for a celebrity match but the chicks at ultimate surrender were way too wimpy for me and the match would have been over in 10 seconds. Luckily, while I was in California I talked with many Cal Bears fans and they all told me their football team is full of shit.
Rutgers -9 at Syracuse:
Orange men? Ha. I'd put my elbow so far in Greg Paulus' eye socket that he wouldn't be able to cry for the next 15 years and we all know Greg Paulus loves crying. Rutgers is going to do things to Syracuse that I have probably only tried once.
Baylor at Texas A&M -7.5:
New Mexico is making me see some lame anger management sports psychologist. Little does she know that when we talk all I am thinking about is ripping off her fucking head and dropping my used bloody tampon right down her neck. How do you like those words bitch? What does that have to do with this game? Nothing. You got anything to say about that?
Virginia +21 at Clemson:
The weirdest thing about being on tv is that a ton of creepy guys have asked me out on dates. Well you know what, I do the asking out in this family all right guys? If I want to go out on a date with you, we'll go out on a date, and you’ll fucking pay. I get what I want, or I'll crush your balls. In this game, Virginia has just enough talent to avoid the ball crush.
Oregon State -31 at Washington State:
Alot of people think beavers are weak, well if I showed you anything, it's that beavers can be ferocious. Take the Beav and give the points. That's an order mother fucker. You do not want to make Lambert mad.
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