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FREE WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
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Wagercom College Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 12 | Losses: 8 | Ties: 0
NCAA Picks Winning Percentage: 60%
Record updated weekly
Contact us at info(at)wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE PICKS:
Note: Due to an increase in requests for our football picks, advice, and entertaining columns, we have started a newsletter that will be emailed to those of you who sign up for it at no charge. To sign up, simply click here, put your email address in the message box and hit send. We will not give your email address to anyone and we do not send out junk mail.
WEEK 2 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
As noted last week, Wagercom.com had to let go of NCAA football handicapper and mentally handicapped writer DJ. It really isn’t a loss for anyone, since DJ was as good at picking college football games as John McCain was at picking running mates or as Michael Jackson was at picking doctors. Luckily for all of you, www.Wagercom.com will still provide free college football picks against the spread, and if we’re lucky, a little humor (though not as little or as humorous as Herve Villechaize telling knock knock jokes).
Wagercom.com is fairly well connected and will continue to have guest writers give their college football picks, perhaps until we find a suitable replacement for DJ (AC voted for lint, Jiggy voted for monkeys throwing darts, and Wagercom.com’s editor voted for guest writers, so you have him to blame if you prefer lint or monkeys).
Last week, Sarah Palin surprised everyone by going 5 and 5 and for the most part writing in complete sentences. This week, we have finagled the services of Andrew Dice Clay since apparently our connections are sometimes no better than a Yaz song. But fear not, Dice gave us some good picks which he guarantees will win you money unless you’re a bunch of fucking whores. Oh!
Andrew Dice Clay’s Picks:
What the fuck is this Wagercom.com thing? Seriously, is my career this much in the shitter that I’m now writing jokes for some douche-licking website run by a bunch of snapperheads? This is more embarrassing than that “Bless This House” show I did. Bless This House? More like fuck this house. Oh! That fucking whore!
Now here are some fucking college football picks for all of us to make some money.
*Editor’s note: While Dice has a way with words, sometimes the meaning is obfuscated for those not attuned to his work. Therefore we here at Wagercom.com will be translating his picks for you.
USC at Ohio State +7:
Hickory dickory dock
Terelle Pryor has a huge cock
In quarter two
He’ll drop his goo
Right in Taylor Mays’ jock
Oh! Those fucking whores!
Wagercom translation: Terrelle Pryor is a stud and is going to run all over USC and their safety stud Taylor Mays.
Eastern Michigan +18 at Northwestern:
I once knew a girl from Northwestern. Yeah, I fucked her.
Oh! That fucking whore.
Wagercom translation: While Northwestern is a decent team, they are not good enough to cover an 18 point spread given they lost all of their offensive skill players from last year. They are attractive enough for Dice to fuck, but not so hot and stuck up that they won’t fuck him. Dice did say he loves him some Arby Fields, though perhaps not as much as Arby’s brothers, Popeye and Sonic.
South Carolina at Georgia -7.5:
Georgia, porgia, pudding and pie,
Going to jerk off in Spurrier’s eye
And when his eye is dry and shut
Georgia will ram Stephen Garcia up his butt.
Oh! That fucking whore.
Wagercom translation: Steve Spurrier’s offense is going to be shut down by Georgia’s defense.
Florida International at Alabama -34:
Jack and Jill went up the hill each wearing a Crimson Tide jersey,
Jack came down with two jerseys, cause he raped that bitch Jill.
Just like Alabama is going to rape this asshole face Florida International school.
Oh! That fucking whore!
Wagercom translation: This needs no translation but we here at Wagercom.com want to be clear that we do not support rape of any kind (unless it involves Rick Pitino catching for Lexington Steele). We apologize to any of our readers who may have been offended.
Notre Dame at Michigan +3:
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came Charlie Weiss and said
“What’s in the bowl bitch, I’m fat and hungry!”
Oh! That fat fucking whore!
Wagercom translation: Charlie Weiss is a fat fuck who sucks at coaching football. He’d rather eat a bunch of cheese than plan for Michigan.
Syracuse +28.5 at Penn State:
Greg Paulus Blew, he needed the money.
Wagercom translation: Greg Paulus is a fucktard, but he will do anything to make this game close, including sucking a dick. The guy leaves it all out on the field/court.
Fresno State +8.5 at Wisconsin:
Barry, Barry, quite contrary
let Hankwitz go
Now Defense is one big fairy
Oh! That fucking whore.
Wagercom translation: While Barry Alvarez is no longer the coach, he is still the AD at Wisconsin and likely still very involved in the football program. Letting defensive coordinator Mike Hankwitz go before last season to Northwestern was very stupid, as Hankwitz has turned around NU.
Oregon State -7 at UNLV:
Mike Riley said "give me 12 yards and make it hurt,"
So Jacquizz Rodgers ran the ball twice and then hit him over the head with a brick.
Oh! That fucking whore.
And what kind of name is Jacquizz? It sounds like what happens when I do a little five knuckle shuffle in a jacuzzi. You know, break out rosy palm and her five sister.
Oh! Those fucking whores.
Wagercom translation: Jacquizz Rodgers can run the ball and UNLV should stick to basketball.
Arkansas State at Nebraska -22.5:
Rock-a-bye Arkansas State, on the tree top
you suck at football
And I am your pop.
Oh! Those fucking whores.
Wagercom translation: Arkansas State has a football team? Arkansas State is a real college? Nebraska is going to own this game.
Troy at Florida -36.5:
Tebow Tebow non-pussy eater
Will play vs. Troy, make them lick his peter
Smack them twice across the head
Fuck their ass, even in the spread
Oh! Those fucking whores!
Wagercom translation: While Tim Tebow may eschew pre-marital sex, he loves to dominate the young men who play against him. He can run, or throw from a spread offense, there is just no stopping him.
Bonus game:
New Hampshire at Ball State (No Betting Line):
How do you pick this game? Flip a coin? Heads New Hampshire, tails Ball State across the nose.
Oh! Those fucking whores.
Wagercom translation: New Hampshire is a good division IAA school while Ball State is a crappy division I school. It is hard to decide, but it is best to take the home team and the division I team.
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