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FREE WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
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Wagercom College Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 20 | Losses: 10 | Ties: 0
NCAA Picks Winning Percentage: 67%
Record updated weekly
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NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE PICKS:
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WEEK 3 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
Andrew “Dice” Clay won seven games and lost three against the spread last week as Wagercom.com’s guest college football writer. Since we had to let DJ go (and you all should be thrilled with that since our guest writers are 12-8 on the year), we are making it up to our readers with better picks and better writers. Dice absolutely killed it last week, killed it. We were honored to have him write nursery rhymes for us and call all of our female friends “Fucking whores.” Oh!
Anyway, this week we are all about redemption. For those of you who were paying attention, Michael Jordan was inducted into the Basketball Hall of Fame last week and in his speech he belittled all of his opponents, called out every slight he ever had to endure, and even wondered how his family put up with him (and you could see them awkwardly shudder as he spoke). Well, since Wagercom.com talks directly to fans (hey fans, show us your tits), MJ’s PR firm thought having him pick college football games this week for Wagercom.com would be a good way for him to reach out and let the fans know he’s not an arrogant prick.
We were surprised as any to get the call, but MJ is a big gambler and we here at Wagercom.com have been providing free winning gambling advice and dick jokes for years now. We weren’t aware that MJ was such a fan, but that said, until last week we had never heard of Viv Thomas (very NSFW), so despite what our gambling prowess may lead you to believe, we are not all knowing.
So we now turn the column over to his Airness himself, Michael Jordan.
Michael Jordan's College Football Picks:
First of all, I want to tell the Basketball Hall of Fame that I will never forget what you did for me. My speech was ridiculed and I now have to rebuild my reputation. Do you know how many sneaker sales I may have lost because of that? I will never forgive you Hall of Fame, and every speech I make from now on I will call you out.
Louisville +14 at Kentucky:
I love me some Kentucky Derby. There is no better gambling high than betting on horses. The problem is I have never won on a horse at the Derby and I will never forgive Kentucky for that. You know what you did Kentucky, now you will pay. Oh, I know Louisville is in Kentucky, but they can’t both lose.
Eastern Michigan at Michigan -24:
Remember when my teammates froze me out of the all-star game in 1985 (and I mean you George Gervin and Isiah Thomas), well I was playing for the Eastern Conference. I vowed to get Eastern back one day and this is it. Michigan will crush Eastern Michigan after Northwestern almost blew a 21 point lead to them last week. The Eastern Conference never should have tried to freeze me out.
East Carolina at North Carolina -7.5:
The Tar Heels gave me an opportunity, but more than anything, I once drove through East Carolina and got a flat tire. I kept that flat tire in the trunk of my car for years and every night would take it out and show it my non-flat tires so it would see what it should look like. I will never forgive East Carolina for that.
Temple at Penn State -30:
Every seder I have ever been to, I have not been the youngest and therefore have never had the honor of reading the four questions. What a bunch of horseshit. I practice for those questions weeks before I attend David Falk’s seders. “Mah nishtanah ha-lahylah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-layloht, mi-kol ha-layloht? Mother fucker.” Don’t even bring that to me. And yet I never am the youngest and I blame you Temple for your stupid seder rules.
Boston College +7 at Clemson:
Clemson is in South Carolina and South Carolina is beneath North Carolina and the only thing that should be beneath this guy from North Carolina is two chicks. How dare South Carolina try to take the place of two chicks.
Duke at Kansas -23:
Fuck Duke.
Ohio State -20.5 at Toledo:
I once played in a pick-up game with a guy from Toledo who stepped on my shoe. That motivated me to be quicker so no one would land on my feet. I still owe Toledo for doing that to me though, plus Ohio State is going to want to demolish someone after last week’s performance. They are going to be almost as motivated as I am.
Tennessee +29.5 at Florida:
I play a lot of golf in Florida and have lost a lot of money doing so. I am getting better though, but I still blame Florida for it’s year round sun which let me play so many rounds of golf and lose so much money.
Florida State +8 at BYU:
They don’t drink caffeine at BYU. I love caffeine. Come on, be like Mike, drink caffeine.
Kansas State at UCLA -12.5:
Mitch Richmond went to Kansas State and I used to destroy that guy. People used to say what a great 2 guard he wasm which made me want to crush him every time we played. If KSU football is anything like Mitch Richmond, UCLA will clobber them.
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