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FREE WEEKLY COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
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Wagercom College Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 23 | Losses: 17 | Ties: 0
NCAA Picks Winning Percentage: 58%
Record updated weekly
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NCAA COLLEGE FOOTBALL FREE PICKS:
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WEEK 4 COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
Last week, Michael Jordan went 8-2 as Wagercom.com's guest college football columnist (for those of you who haven't been following us, we were forced to lay off our college football writer, DJ, and have been using our connections to get guest columnists ever since). It was huge for all of those who bet with him and now puts wagercom.com at 20-10 for the year against the spread. As a result, we will be continuing with our guest columnists, perhaps even bringing MJ back since he was en fuego. That said, we have to apologize for the actual column that MJ wrote. It was among the worst things we have ever published here (worse than even the trial edition of Sparky and The Rick http://www.wagercom.com/college-hoops.html) but how could we say no to Air Jordan? Luckily we didn't and luckily we are all a lot richer now.
Before we get to the picks, you should all check out wagercom.com's NBA writer and site curmudgeon AC as he rants on some random blog devoted to firing Northwestern basketball coach Bill Carmody. AC has been unleashed in the comments section and frankly, we're quite worried about him. While we know he is itching for the NBA season to start, we're all a bit confused as to how he could drop ~3k venomous words in a 24 hour period on such a mundane, trivial, and irrelevant thing as NU's basketball coach. His work is strong though and not as edited as it is here on wagercom.com so it is in a much rawer and angrier form (and also includes the typos and occasional homonym slips associated with pure genius). We advise you all to check it out, but make sure the kids are not around, unless one of your kids is Taylor Rain (and in that case, please contact us).
As for our guest writer this week, we were able to wrangle up Triumph The Insult Comic Dog. We're not sure what he knows about football, but we know he would like to poop on it.
Editor's note: We read Triumph's column before posting it, and it's really only funny if you read it in his accented voice.
Triumph The Insult Comic Dog's College Football Picks:
Wow, am I glad to be here. My career is now lower than Abe Vigoda's balls. What is this wagercom.com thing? Seriously, I haven't seen a site this bad since I saw Lassie being mounted by Mickey Rourke. Oh no, I keed, I keed. But who is this Jiggy Doughnuts guy who writes the NFL column? Where did he come from? His writing is so bad Dane Cook may sue him for plagarism. Oh my, I really did try to read his NFL column but the writing stunk worse than my poop after an all night Alpo bender. I keed, I keed,
And what kind of name is AC Titticock? Titti and cock sounds like a transexual but I have seen a picture of this guy and I can assure you he has no cock. He should be called AC Tittivagina. I keed, I keed. AC is very funny, for me to poop on.
Washington State +45 at USC:
How can I bet against a team led by a quarterback named Barkley? Barkley sounds like the noise my bitch made last night while I was humping her. This Barkley will have a good game but 45 points is a lot to give. I do like Barkley though, for me to poop on.
South Florida +14 at Florida State:
Let me tell you something about Bobby Bowden, he is so old his shit is petrified. He is so old he taught Jesus the forward pass. I keed, I keed. Florida State is good enough for me to poop on.
Minnesota +1 at Northwestern:
Eric Decker is going to steal my act this week because he is going to poop on NU's secondary. If I had gone to NU, I would be the second most famous dog to graduate from that school after Shelley Long. I keed, I keed. Minnesota will poop on NU.
Indiana at Michigan -20:
Do you know the Unabomber has a Phd from Michigan. Well I am getting a Poophd from Michigan because I like to drop bombs too, but mine are filled with poop. And this Indiana team, the Hoosiers. What is a Hoosier anyway? It sounds like what people ask my bitches’ kids when they are in school, “Hoosier daddy?” I keed, I keed. But really, Indiana is a nice place, for me to poop on.
Arizona State at Georgia -12:
I love the Bulldogs, yes I do. In fact some of the bitches I hump think I am part bulldog. Yes they do. That is because my bone is the size of a bull. Arizona State is going to be ready, for me to poop on.
Ohio at Tennessee -23.5:
Tennessee is the Volunteers. Well I volunteer to stick my bone in Lane Kiffin's wife. Oh, I keed, I keed. I would also stick my tongue in her too. Ohio is a good enough team, for me to poop on.
Miami -3 at Virginia Tech:
They call Miami "The U" because the players can't spell University. I keed, I keed. Miami is one of my favorite places, to poop on. Still, this Virginia Tech team always disappoints, like Kathy Griffin's plastic surgeon. Ugh, that bitch looks like my poop. Virginia Tech will keep it close enough, for me to poop on.
Arkansas +17.5 at Alabama:
I don't know what a Razorback is but I know what a Humpback is. That's right, my bitch last night told me to hump her from the back. Alabama is ranked number 3, but they should be ranked number 2, for me to poop on.
Notre Dame -7 at Purdue:
Notre Dame coach Charlie Weiss loves to eat. He will eat these Purdue chickens for lunch. And what is with that Jimmy Clausen? I haven't seen anything that gay since Nathan Lane tried out for the role of Truman Capote. And those Notre Dame students and graduates hate canines like me. They preach about the missionary position and against doggy style. Too bad Purdue is so bad, for me to poop on.
Iowa at Penn State -9.5:
The whole state of Iowa is just a piece of crap. I heard they are going to build wooden walls around it and rename it Outhousewa. It is so crappy, the governor has begged me to come to Iowa and poop on it because my poop is preferable to what it is now. Iowa is an abomination, for me to poop on.
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