The ennui has officially set in. I can’t motivate myself to write about women, wine or song. And the NFL has become too predictable for me.

Yes, the money is nice and the adoration of the masses, but I want more out of life. And as it is the holiday gift giving season (Kwanza, Hannukah and Christmas) I am going to explain to you my holiday wish. It begins like this…

I am not sure how versed in gambling my audience is, I often assume they are brilliant, and then up pops a reader like Tina K. I then assume they are dolts and find an email from a well informed coed from the University of Oregon (though she claims not to be a cheerleader, we all have our doubts) who rambles on about the spread offense and winning percentages of teased dawgs on the road. I am in love with this woman, but since I haven’t seen her picture yet, it will have to remain platonic (or at least the sexual part will happen behind closed doors and then I will lie about it when confronted.)

So at the beginning of the season I placed a 27 game parlay. It was of course done without point spreads because none of the spreads had been set yet. As you would all imagine, I am very close to winning it. In fact if I get my lock of the week this week, I win. ‘So how much does Jiggy win?’ (I can already hear your intelligent, yet high-pitched questions pouring in.) The statistical probability of winning that bet is one in 134 million. Of course it is actually a little better than that because it isn’t done against the spread. So let’s just say it is one in 120 million. And of course the dreaded bookmakers have to take their little piece of the action. So the bet pays 115 million to one. – Editorial note, if the bookmaker you use doesn’t take this type of action you should first call him (or her) a pussy and then call or email Jiggy D. I will gladly take your action – and all action for that matter. – In any event I placed three of these bets at the beginning of the season. In one I took the Niners against the Rams last week because I predicted that Bulger would get hurt, but I didn’t anticipate the concussion that Barlow would suffer. But I also was careful and did the exact same parlay card with the Rams winning So now it comes down to this week’s lock of the week (it is going to be the Jax – but I don’t want to give away the surprise).

So if the Jax cover, I will be $480 million to the good (I always bet $4 on these because it is my lucky number – every time I have four girls in bed with me at the same time I manage to enjoy myself. With three there is always the pressure to not fall asleep because one of them can feel left out. With four I get what I need, I nap, I wake up, the party continues – no fuss, no mess.) But the wish doesn’t end there.

Britney & Madonna The Yorks

Additionally, Dennis Erickson and Denise York to make their illicit affair public. I want their affair to become public because the emergency room doctor that has to remove the 18th century chair from her rectum cannot keep his silence. I want the hatred and spite from their respective families to force a sale of the 9ers and then I want to win the bidding. I want to win the bidding at around $430 million. I am happy to overbid because I think that the goldrush girls are extremely undervalued by the marketplace. But then we could argue efficient market theories for hours. With the remaining $50 million, I would do the following – with the first $40 million I would pay Britney Spears to do a private playboy shoot for me. (As an aside I recently had some photos emailed, by the nefarious AC, to me of the alleged Britney shoot and I will say that if there was any part of me that was still pre-pubescent, those part were slammed into adulthood. Britney may be the epitome of womanhood. She is hot, diminutive and has her price.) And with the last $10 million I would rent the biggest concert hall I could find so that I could announce publicly that I had had sex with Britney.

But ahhh, that is quite a bit of responsibility to throw on the shoulders of ‘fregile’ Freddy Taylor – but I have confidence in him.

So the NFL –

First, thank you Bill Cowher – not only did you bench my fantasy f-ball back, Jerome, (yes, the Jig does spend some time in the fantasy world of football – it is a nice diversion from making money on the NFL) and then with 1:19 left deciding to go for the field goal and not try a shot for the end zone. You are a pathetic pussy, but I suppose it may have been the right call. Lord knows, if there is one thing I learned from playing Madden ’93 it was that clock management is critical. In any event, I feel bad for giving my fans a loss this week – one that could have been avoided.

T.O., D-Mcnabb and Brian Westbrook (from where? ‘Nova) are a real serious bunch. They may not lose again this season (until this week). The Skins game has all the makings of a late season screw up for the Eagles. They may not lose the game, but covering could be tough. But I for one, do not have the cojones to actually pick this game.

I hate the Ravens. Would it kill you to at least win the game?

Minny has officially started their late season slide. What hosers?

Big ups to Dallas (who made me money on Monday) and to the Chargers. What can I say, I am floored by the bolts. But we adjust and we go with them.

On to the free nfl picks…