JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS

NFL Forecast & Week 3 Free Football Picks

Now that was a little more like it. How about the J-E-T-S beating the tar out of the sad and lonely SD Bolts. Free money. And of course the gutty Fish eking one out against the vaunted Bungles.

I would like to interject here about the mental ineptitude of Coach Wansteadt. Davey, your offensive line sucks. I mean they blow like a dollar whore during mardi gras. So how about sparing your running back all the pain of being hit three yards behind the line of scrimmage on every run? Would it kill you to put a lead blocker in there? Lamar Gordon and Travis Minor together don’t add up to one Ricky Williams. Or maybe if you had used a full back every once in a while, maybe Ricky wouldn’t have been forced to ‘medicate’ so often and thus be forced out of the league.

And of course our friends (including the short-bus player of the year) Peyton Manning got it done against the formerly mighty Titans. I think it was interesting that I picked the game almost perfectly. For all of you that bet on it and won, don’t be afraid to send a little green down Jiggy’s way.

Attention Broncos, Attention Broncos… what the hell happened to you? I am going to let you in on a little secret, I am going to let the cat out of the back. The Jacksonville Jags just aren’t that effing good. You should have decimated that team. Thanks for not showing up. And thank you Q for fumbling on that ever so critical drive. You and your team are both gentlemen and scholars and I only hope that you all get gonorrhea.

Other notables include the Washington Native Americans showing what the old school discipline of Joe Gibbs can bring to the table. Not only did they lose to the pathetic G-men, they managed to only turn the ball over 7 times. I think it is interesting that the giants didn’t win by more. I guess it really illuminates how bad these teams are.

NE continued the trend of taking advantage of the Desert Cardinals, Oaktown whipped the Bills (I think Drew Bledsoe probably should be checked for concussions – because he must have had 300 of them in the first two games to be playing as badly as he is – the man has weapons around him. What gives?), the niners were robbed and Duanted ‘the human turnover’ Culpepper showed his true colors.

I love the NFL.

I am not a religious man, I am not in to kharma, or fate, I couldn’t even pick Vishnu out of a line up. I do have this thing though; I don’t like to really wish ill on people. When I am watching a game and I have bet against the Colts, I don’t hope that Gayton Manning gets killed, I hope he gets concussed and so he just has to sit out the rest of the one game I am watching. Perhaps it is a perverted version of the Golden Rule. But there is one particular player that I do wish ill upon – and I guess someone was listening. Kellen Winslow junior. I feel bad for him and all, but what an assbag. You scream and yell about how great you are and then catch one ball. You call yourself the chosen one and you make heisman poses and score one lonely touchdown during your final season at Miami. You, Kellen, are an idiot and an arrogant one at that. Thanks for playing and I hope you end up driving a garbage truck. For those of you that don’t know, he broke his fibula and had surgery. He is out at least two months. Maybe, just maybe, he will shut up for a little while. Ellen, when you come back (if you do) and you catch 8 touchdowns in a season (good for a tight end – though not spectacular) then you can talk. Until then these are the quotations you should practice:

1. I am going to try my best so that I can rehab quickly and be back to help my teammates.

2. I am going to study film and watch from the sidelines to see what I can learn from my veteran teammates.

3. I only hope that God will give me a chance to get back out there and allow me to earn the respect I so covet.

4. Jeff Garcia is a great QB and I am sorry that TO called him gay. I can say for certain he isn’t because when I was doing him from behind, he only got a mild stiffy.

On to the free NFL picks…

T.O. Show @ Detroit – Philadelphia Eagles -4.5

I consider myself an NFL expert. I am a deity when it comes to facts and figures about the NFL. But I cannot name one person who has carried the ball for the Lions this season. ( I am joking – but Jones and Pinner aren’t really household names – and that was my point). The Lions are lucky to have won two games and we should really call it 1.5 games as wins against Houston don’t really count. The Eagles have looked legit. So I just have to assume that the parade keeps on truckin. I am all over the Eagles.

Aints @ Lambs – New Orleans Saints +7

The Saints are gonna have some trouble filling the shoes of Douche McCallister, but come on man – it isn’t as if the wheels came off. Seven points is a ton. The lambs have looked awful in both their outings. They beat Arizona. That is sort of like smacking your paraplegic sister, it feels good and it counts as kicking someone’s ass, but it just isn’t real. And then the Lambs lost to the overrated Falcons. So you have two bad teams and one of them is getting 7 points (the lambs only beat AZ by 7). Take the Aints.

America’s Team @ Joe Gibbs – Dallas Cowboys +2

The Native Americans are a one man show. Granted, that one man, Clinton, is all universe, but the rest of the squad is just OK. And they are clearly not great at holding on to the rock. The Boys are a defensive assemblage of mean men with a savvy QB and a great coach. Parcells finds a way to keep his winning streak alive. And if he just loses by less than 2, we still win our bet. Take the boys.

NFL Lock of the Week -

SF @ Seagulls – San Francisco 49 'rs +10.5

So, you know those moments when you know you are going to do something stupid because you feel your emotions getting the better of you? Well, I thought I was about to have one of those moments. But then I looked in to the stats and we have a great shot here. The niners have lost by an average of 2.5 points to two middle of the road teams. The Niners are helmed by Ken Dorsey – the guy hasn’t gotten a real shot to be the number one guy until now. So he is getting all the reps in practice - and in the games, he seems to have the love and respect of his squad. Barlow is a horse. And the Niner defense has been totally overlooked. In fact, in terms of yardage, the niners are the 8th ranked offense while the Seagulls are ranked 21st. The defenses are close to even with the Niners ranked 7th and the Gulls 8th. This game should be close, but we have the Niners getting 10½. That is patently ridiculous. Take the Niners and enjoy their upset win over the gulls.

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