Sponsored Links

Platinum Play
Win with Platinum Play’s Exclusive Platinum Membership! Just $50 gets you $150 FREE, plus prized-privileges!

Steelers Tickets in Pittsburgh

Eagles Tickets in Philadelphia

Patriots Tickets in New England

Cowboys Tickets in Dallas

JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS

Week One Free NFL Football Picks

Enough speculation, enough waiting around, enough jerking off to Victoria’s Secret catalogs, it is officially on.

I feel like a kid in a candy store. I feel like Lindsay Lohan at a bulimia party. I feel like Rob Schneider at the Playboy Mansion. I feel like Vinny Chase at an Elite Modeling Agency Party. I feel like Taylor Rain sitting on a bicycle with no seat.

In short, I am jazzed.

To all of my new readers who don’t know the format, every week I choose four NFL games against the spread. You bet them and then you make money. It is that simple.

Special Note – I am never one to jizz on a player like the normal sports media. I would say that generally I am quicker to point out faults than accomplishments. But with Jerry Rice retiring, even the angry Jiggy has to say, I will pour out a little Old E for my boy. Jerry made me MUCH money during the late 80s and 90s. Jerry really is the Janine of his trade and I respect him. He will truly be missed.

So without further ado, let’s get to the games…

Kyle Orton (no really, Kyle Orton) @ Native Americans – Native Americans -6

The poor Bears. It doesn’t seem fair. First your organization goes out and drafts Rex Grossman (probably a huge mistake to begin with) but then they decide to build the offense around him. And two years ago, the tiny Gator goes out and gets himself all torn up. Then again this year, they bet on him and again he gets effed up. So now, the monsters of the midway are putting Kyle Orton out there… In the tradition of Jim Everett and Drew Brees, Kyle is going to come out of the passing powerhouse that is Purdue and lead the Bears (who were last in the league in total offense last year) and waltz on past LaVar Arrington. An interesting factoid that separates Kyle from the other two Purdue signal callers is that Kyle barely even started for the boilermakers. So I guess the plan is to roll out Thomas Jones (legit baller), Cedric Benson (with a full 6 days of practice) Mushin Muhammed (suicide bomber jokes aside, he is a great receiver) and a second string big ten QB to contend with the Redskins. Ahh, but what about the vaunted Chicago defense? Last year, they were 21 out of 32 in total defense – crappy, but not monumentally crappy. But during the off season they really made an effort to fix the D – they finally drafted a defensive player with their 7th round pick. What a joke?

I am not creaming for the Skins. I could take or leave them really, but I would take the Miami Hurricanes against the Bears and give six. I bet the Washington Defense will outscore the Bears offense – in fact I might take the Skin’s defense to cover the spread.

But it might be irresponsible to not even mention anything about the Skins. Patrick Ramsey sucks. (There, I said it.) But the good news is that he is precisely 1,724x as good as Kyle Orton. Also, Clinton Portis is going to revert back to his normal all-world self. Also, the Skin’s defense (ranked 3rd last year) will be as good or better than they were last year.

So look for the Bears to get shut out and the Skins to cover.

J-E-T-S (Jets, Jets, Jets) at Chefs – Chefs -3

The aged one (Martin is actually the only active player in the NFL to have served with the U.S. Armed forced during the second world war) and his geriatric attack will swing on in KC and try and get a win. Although I don’t believe that home field advantage is hugely valuable in the early part of the season – it does have some value. But the theory behind this pick is simple – no one, I mean no one should be able to bottle up the Chefs offense this season (barring injuries). The second string back on the Chiefs (LJ) is better than many starting backs in the NF of L and the starter, Priest is ungodly. I know the Chiefs defense has been weak (often downright terrible) I don’t think that Chad Pennington and Laberneus Coles will have enough to keep up. Look for the Chiefs to win in a track meet.

Pack at Detroit – Pack +3

I know that Favre is getting old and crotchety. I know that his home state has been Ravaged by Katrina (it isn’t funny, but that totally sounds like the name of a porno). I know that Javon Walker was a little gimpy at the end of the preseason. I know that Ahman Green tends to fumble a lot. I know that Mike Williams is a stud. I know that Kevin Jones is a very talented back. I know that Charles Rodgers and Roy Williams are probably the best duo at WR in the No Fun League. I know that Detroit is at home. But the Pack just don’t lose to Detroit. [Note all time record is in favor of the Pack 79-63-7 but the Lions lost to them twice last year] (Oh and Mariucci has no killer instinct.)

NFL Lock of the Week

Bungles at Brownies – Bungles – 3.5

The Brownies are bold enough to roll out Trent ‘do me’ Dilfer and Lee Suggs. Is someone kidding? These two couldn’t have taken the Saracens to a Mission League Championship. In fact, I think that Dilfer’s best work was done in the early 1990’s. You could argue that last year the Brownies were bad (28th in total offense) but luckily, they have downgraded on offense. They have swapped Jeff ‘lucky’ Garcia for Trent Doofer, they still don’t have all universe (in his own mind) Ellen (K intentionally omitted) Winslow and their big draft pick, Braylon Edwards isn’t even a starter. So look for their offense to be worse than even last year. Not only do the Brownies lack a potent offense, their defense sucks too. Last year they gave up more points than 24 other NFL teams and also were LAST against the rush.

And who are they playing? The Bungles are an improving team. Rudi ‘huxtible’ Johnson is a gamer. Anyone that rushes for more than 900 yards on the Bengals is officially a stud. So little Rudi is a true stud. Carson ‘daly’ Palmer is coming in to his own and with big play Chad Johson catching the rock, you have to see many points put up by the Bugles (N intentionally omitted). In short, look for the Bengals to roll.

Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board


Check the current point spreads and game lines.