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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Jiggy's 2005 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 2| Losses: 2 | Ties: 0
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 50%
Record updated Mondays
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy is coming off a money making 2003-20004 and 2004-2005 NFL season.posting a winning record on both his NFL football picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
Week Two Free NFL Football Picks
CAUTION: Those only interested in football picks should skip ahead, I am afraid that this week’s column is especially important and also very long. But remember, true fans read the whole column where as people with tiny penises (breasts) skip to the picks.
So, there I am, drink in hand, spicy wings on plate and Hurricanes losing on TV. Now it would be inappropriate right now to make a joke about Hurricanes, but let’s just say that the ones from Miami just didn’t quite have the oomph of the one in New Orleans.
As an aside, congrats to the New Orleans Saints for squeaking out a victory against what I consider to be one of the better teams in the NFC, the Panthers. Every single announcer couldn’t stop gushing about what a great win it was for the Saints, what a great win it was for New Orleans and what a great win it was for America. This is very high level douche baggery. So I decided to do a little research to divine the team’s connection with New Orleans (save the fact that they are called the New Orleans Saints and used to play there). According to my statistical analysis roughly 6.25% of the Saints are actually from New Orleans (Fakhir Brown went to high school there, though he was born in Detroit). In fact, it is as likely that they aren’t even American (the team is also about 6.25% Canadian) and it is far more likely that they are from the Pacific Northwest (25%). So let’s analyze this further. There are a bunch of mercenaries that don’t actually have anything to do with New Orleans, in fact, although they work there (six months out of the year – and that is assuming the Saints make the play offs – a crazy idea in it of itself) not all of them live there. So these people, who are paid tons of money to throw a ball around and run in to each other wearing the uniforms of a team that happens to play in New Orleans, win. And we are supposed to consider this some huge moral victory for a city that has just gone through a disaster, the likes of which we have never before experienced on American soil? This is lunacy. If they had lost would it have brought the city down further? I think not. So, NFL Media, please stop drawing connections between the exploits of some over paid athletes who play for the Saints and the real live situations of people who have lost their homes, their loved ones and their lives. Oh and it was a lucky win anyway.
Now, back off the soap box and back to the story at hand… I am at Seau’s eating wings, drinking beer and losing money on the ‘Canes (thanks DJ). I am attired in stylish and expensive jeans, a bright yellow tee-shirt that reads, elegantly, “Peyton Swallows” and my ever present Niners visor. [By the way, you can buy this shirt and many others soon, only on Wagercom.com.] And up strides two surgically enhanced, but lovely young ladies.
 They are dazzling in white sweats that display the omni-recognizable CG logo that means just one thing – Charger Girls. The two of them are Ashley B. and Lacy. (Pictures have been included in order to expose the guilty...Ashley is the brunette, Lacy is the blonde) Literary points one and two: one – Ashley’s most prized possessions are, “My cats, my best friend ring and my 21st birthday gift from my mom and dad.” And two - Lacy claims that her most memorable moment as a Charger Girl is, “The National Anthems at every game.” And I am surprised that the ensuing discussion didn’t go so well.
The two of them are hawking their charger girl calendar. They were doing so under the pretense of raising money for Katrina, but I suspect the Katrina they were raising money for was the drug addicted former charger girl that no longer had enough money for cosmetic surgery. Jiggy Donuts is nothing if not a cynic. In any event, I am not alone at Seau’s but rather I am accompanied by two of the more important types of friends. Friend one is a lothario, a man born with a silver tongue, whose charms and verbal gymnastics can capture any woman’s heart. The second is less at ease in the oratory arena, but he has recently completed an iron man triathlon and thus, during lulls in the conversation one can always say, “the tall one over here just completed an iron man.” That usually gets the conversation back in swing.
So lothario turns to Ashley and explains that he has been wanting to donate money to Katrina for weeks now (the hurricane had hit four days ago) and that he was just ‘so thankful’ that he had the chance to do so tonight. He was somewhat circumspect about the whole thing though, explaining to the CGs that we (he and I, not the tall one) were Niner fans and had mixed feelings about accepting a calendar that purported to support the Charger organization. Though it is important to note that the Bolts are less than stellar in the super bowl, especially when facing the vaunted Niners.
Miss Ashley then demurs, ‘I used to date someone on the Niners.’ We all raise eyebrows and our ears prick up (I have never understood this phrase – but I am all for using the word prick more often). I inquire as to which of the Niners she might have bedded. She shoots back with “Brandon Lloyd.” This brought a confused hush to the table. I mean Ashley B is a hottie and Blloyd, well, he seems to have a great personality (not really). My first question immediately sends the conversation further into the black hole (though I still claim that it was a funny maneuver) “Is he better looking in person?” I ask innocently. Her response was tough, but fair. “No.”
 “Is he at least a nice guy?” Lothario asked. ‘He was before he joined the league.’ Now I feel that we have entered the twilight zone. Here is a beautiful girl that I can believe would date a guy like that, so long as he was an NFL baller. She claimed that he was just really nice and sweet. I suspect the whole thing is trash. I mean, he must have dropped the NFL into his jargon to even have a chance with Ashley B. And then, to treat her badly – I must not understand the hottitude of the groupies on the road. Now keep in mind, this isn’t Terrell Owens we are talking about here, or Jeff ‘lucky; Garcia. This is Brandon Lloyd a fourth round draft pick, who weighs less than me, who played for the worst team in the league last year and has never had more than 565 yards in a season. He should have married her.
Well fans, Jiggy Donuts is a journalist rivaled only by Carl Woodward, Bob Bernstein and Larry Flynt. I took it upon myself to get the true story. I contact the 49ers and asked to have a discussion with Blloyd. They said to send the questions along. I did. Enclosed, for your review is my interview with Brandon Lloyd, the pride of the 49ers.
Brandon, thanks for taking the time to answer a few questions for us. We are obviously big fans of your work and wish you well this season.
What type of receiver do you consider yourself? A deep threat? a playmaker? a possession guy? a 'goto' guy? Something I haven't mentioned here?
What is your favorite pattern to run?
Of the four QBs on the roster, who has the strongest arm?
How is it adjusting to life in San Francisco after going to school in
Champaign? Do you live in the city or on the peninsula?
Do you get much of a chance to go out and party in San Francisco?
If so, what are your favorite clubs? What are a few of your favorite
restaurants? Have you been to The Brothers?
Which of the Niners are most fun to go out partying with? I know that Ricky Williams (I saw his episode of Cribs on MTV) had trouble finding teammates to go out with - they just weren't good wingmen. Do you have that problem as well?
If you got into a fracas at a bar, which of the Niners would be best to have with you?
Of all the stadiums you've played in (college and pro) which teams have the best cheerleaders (goldrush excluded of course)?
I live in San Diego and I met Ashley (charger girl) she claims that you two dated. Is that true? And if so, why'd you dump her?
What is the most fun city in America?
How is the album doing and who are your most important musical influences?
What do you think of T.O.'s antics in Philly?
Did you have a chance to learn from Jerry Rice?
Are you going to go for 1,200 and 9 scores this year?
Great luck this season and I look forward to getting your responses!
-jiggy
As you will notice, it is unanswered. I suspect that BLloyd is just gathering his thoughts. As soon as he answers, you’ll find the results here, at Wagercom.com.
Lothario ended the conversation by explaining that it was all going to be alright as Arnaz Battle was better anyway.
So sorry, now back to football…
Interesting first week. I think that a few things stand out.
The Fins look to be for real, but the Broncos aren’t as bad as they seemed. It was the mangy Fish defense that was putting the hurt on the desert snake and his squad. Now I am not saying to go bet on the Broncos this week nor am I saying it is time to buy those nice Bronco thong panties that we are going to be selling on Wagercom, but let’s wait and see before we write off their whole season.
Yippee for New England (sarcasm). You are supposed to beat the Raiders, they suck. In fact, the Pats defense looked a little soft to me. Maybe Bruschi was important after all. Anyway, get well soon Teddy.
Duante looked like hell. I am afraid I may have underestimated the value of Randy Moss. But I am sure that Mike Tice can make any team look bad, I mean he has been doing it for years. I am going to assume that this too was an anomaly and that they will begin rolling again soon.
The Tuna has his offense humming. Who knew that Drew Bledsoe could still throw?
The Bills are a legit contender this year. Their defense is ‘oh so solid’ and their offense is coming together around the young QB (who at least went to school in New Orleans – why isn’t the media fellating him?)
HUGE PROPS for my Niners. They may not continue this winning streak for too long, but at least we got one. One more and we have equaled last season. In Rattay we trust. (I should have my all of my fingers ripped out and urinated on just for typing that.)
The greatest moment in the Monday night game was when the Falcons really put the D back in defense. TO was bracketed by Deangelo and DeMarrio. Which loosely translated means ‘Of Angelo’ and ‘Of Marrio.’ Thanks for that wonderous piece of naming. And also, poor Donovan McNabb, his offense really looks like a pick up game in the park. ‘Ok TO, you are the bottle cap, run an eight yard in and you Westbrook, you are the pebble, do a flat pattern. On two ready break.’ Those poor eagles have great offensive weapons, but the league isn’t fooled by uninspired offense. They should at least be able to run some of the plays in Madden, I mean McNabby is on the cover.
Last weeks picks – The Chefs and the Bungles did what they were expected to do. But the Skins and the Pack have some ‘splaining to do.
Apparently the Skins defense didn’t outscore the bears offense. But close. It just boils down to Joe Gibbs really being more suited to running a steam ship on the Mississippi than piloting the high tech offenses of the NFL. He is a dolt and still, we would have covered if the Skins didn’t fumble the opening kick off of the second half.
And the Pack was truly miserable. I am going to be the first journalist (ha ha) to call for the beginning of the Aaron Rodgers era. Bench Favre.
So without any further ado, let’s get to the games…
Ashley B. @ The Desert Snake – Ashley B. +3
The Bolts offense is really crisp. It took a stupid bit of play calling to prevent them from beating the Cowboys at home last week. The Broncos are searching for some type of identity while the Bolts will be angry and ready to pounce. I expect that the Denver offense manages more than 10 points, but they can’t keep up with the LTs, Antonio Gates and Drew Breeses of the world. Take the Chargers and the points. If you are feeling space agey, this is a great time to use a teaser. Take the Bolts +9 and over 39.
What did you kill Buffalo Bill @ Chucky – The Billsies +2.5
The Bills are legit this year. I would expect the young JP to have some trouble against the strong defense of the Bucs, but in the end, there just isn’t enough offensive firepower in the Tampa Campa (haw haw) to win this game. Take the Bills and the points.
Tom Brady at Jake DelHommmey – Tom Brady -3
It is odd that I like all visiting teams this week. But nonetheless, the Pats are still the class of the NFL and the Panthers are a good team in the NFC that just lost to a bunch of people who aren’t really from New Orleans, but play for a team that is currently there even though they have been trying to move to LA anyway. The Patriots have too good a coach and too good a defense and too good a running game and too smart a QB to lose to the erratic Panthers. Take the Pats and give the points.
NFL Lock of the Week
Ray Ray at Steve McNair– Ray Ray – 3.5
Whoooosh. That is the sound of the air being knocked out of Mcnair when he takes his first hit early in the first quarter. I know the Ravens didn’t have a sack against the Colts, but the pink closeted one is a far better QB than McNair. And in fairness to the Ravens, they held the Colts to three points in two quarters without the benefit of an offense. And then only gave up fourteen more to the Colt’s offense. QB to the stars Anthony Wright decided to throw his first touchdown to a Colt. The ravens should shut out the titans and further more, their defense should be able to score once or twice. Take the Ravens and give the points. This one should be ugly for the Titans.
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Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
Check the current point spreads and game lines.
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