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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Jiggy's 2005 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 11| Losses: 12 | Ties: 1
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 48%
Record updated Mondays
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy is coming off a money making 2003-20004 and 2004-2005 NFL season.posting a winning record on both his NFL football picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
Week Seven Free NFL Football Picks
Jenna Jameson is not only a porn star; she is also a talented author. I, like any other research minded individual, felt compelled to read her memoir, “How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale .” (Shouldn’t it be tail, not tale? guffaw, guffaw.) In any event, the book is brilliant. It has lots of pictures, lots of lurid sexual details and, believe it or not, some life lessons.
In one section Jenna describes her first scene with TT Boy. Jenna explains on page 373, “I’d never met him before, but I’d heard about him. He had a reputation as one of the roughest woman-handlers in the business. He hates kissing. He hates blow jobs. And he loves effing.”
Apparently, TT walks on the set, eating tuna fish directly from a can (the prophetic value of this fact will be revealed later), doesn’t say a word to Jenna, but looks at her ‘like he was going to tear her a new one.” When it was time for the sex scene to begin, TT grabs her “like a chew toy” and starts the magic. Jenna described it like “trying to read Dostoevsky on a roller-coaster.”
 Let me interject here, I have only read a few Dostoevsky titles and the grades I received in my Russian Lit class show my inability to comprehend him. He is truly one of the great masters of his time, but I wonder why anyone would want to read the big D whilst on a roller-coaster. I also think that the difficulty or lack thereof would be highly dependent on which book and which translation she was attempting to read. I think that Notes from the Underground would be alright, it is somewhat simple and not that long. But if you are working The Brothers K or Crime and Punishment you may want to wait until you are on a less exciting ride - think Pirates of the Carribbean or Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride I also think it is weird to describe sex as reading a book – I would be so flattered if my wife thought that my pawing and hyperventilating in the bedroom had the same depth and intricacy as a novel by a great artist.
So TT just pounds Jenna. But to her surprise, he completes rather quickly. “Is that all?” Jenna queries. TT grunted “No” and commences to re-bang her without any down time. Keep in mind dear readers; this is before Viagra, Cialis and Levitra. He continues this pattern for three more pops. Jenna describes the mauling as so powerful that she felt ‘as if her insides were going to fall out.’ After the three pops, Jenna thinks it is all over, but TT goes off set for 10 minutes, eats three cans of tuna and then continues to enjoy her for another two shots. The total time elapsed was 156 minutes – the crew sat silently in awe and Jenna (arguably the reigning queen of porn) ‘limped away, licking her wounds.’ When asked where the intensity came from, his only explanation to her was that she had a “bomb-ass pussy.”
I have studied this scene (which was filmed for Blue Movie and eventually won an AVN Award for couples best scene of the year) more than I have watched the Niners dismantling of the Chargers in Superbowl XXIX – hell I have watched this scene more than my son’s third birthday party home movie – please note, I don’t think I have any children yet, but if I did, their birthday parties would be far less interesting than this scene. Anyway, this does have to do with football, let me get to it.
 My Tivo is tired, it is tired like the girls I used to lure into my basement with candy and promises of riches. My wife, bless her soul, talked me in to going running with her last weekend. She said we would go for a little jog, starting Saturday at 12:30. I thought it would be done in time for the 2nd half of the USC v. Notre Dame Game. Little did I know that the race was a 199 mile relay race that didn’t end until Sunday evening. I was lucky to have placed my action on Friday evening online at
sportingbetusa.com . Don’t get me wrong, I like chasing hot snatch as much as the next guy, but goodness, couldn’t we have just driven? So it is Sunday evening, I am at a taqueria, guzzling Negro Modelo and watching the Seahawks game as they dismantled the Houston Texans. As I am sitting there, in my delirious, sore, drunken state it dawned on me – the Seahawks were treating the Texans the exact same way that TT treated Jenna. And keep in mind, Seahawks eat tuna the same way TT Boy does – coincidence? I think not.
I know the Seahawks get paid just as much as the other pro players and I know that they practice just as hard as the Eagles, Steelers and Chargers – but they just aren’t that good. That is why this game was so embarrassing for the Houston Texans. When your opponent’s second string running back goes for over 100 yards and averages more than ten yards per carry, it may be time to reevaluate. Let me clarify, that is after Shaun ‘spaceman’ Alexander already rolled up 140+ yards and 3 TDs. Then and only then do you start to comprehend how bad the Texans are.
 On Monday night, instead of watching the Dolts Muhammad Ali all over the Rams, I was at another star studded event. I went to the premiere of the Rock’s new movie, Doom. Great effing movie. It is no Blue Movie, but it is good. Watching the Rock mow down humans was like watching the Bears chopping through the Vikings – say what you will about morality of cruises laced with hookers, drugs and appetizers, but this team needs the release. I would shower my fellow readers with stories from the event, but none of them had anything to do with football, and again, there were no 49ers there so the probability of hijinx was low. I did attend with our ne’er-do-well NCAA handicapper – and he may get a very interesting threesome out of the evening, but that too is a story for another time.
On to football…
Jiggy came through with a 3-1. It was easy and it felt good. I hope you all buy something nice for your lady friends. I don’t want to be insensitive, if you are a lady and you are reading this column please send me naked photos of you or at least photos of you wearing only a Wagercom trucker hat and don’t be shy, you can buy something nice for your lady friends too.
The Buffalo Bills are back on track (as Jiggy predicted last week) – they beat a game Jets team and looked good doing it.
Denver continues to show that they are ‘for real.’ It is exciting to think that they now have two running backs who could start on more than five teams in the NFL and that Jake has finally learned his place in the offense – don’t screw up.
The Chargers, Dolts and Cincy all continued to show why they are the class of the league.
The Jax won with their defense and got lucky against a very good team – when Rothlisberger is back, this week, the Steelers will be tough to beat. They may not lose a big game until the first round of the playoffs when Cowher’s magic takes control. Please Pittsburgh, for your own sanity, fire that loser.
Tampa Bay covered? Someone pinch me.
Now, the NFL picks…
The Snake @ Eli, Eli, Oh – Desert Snake +1.5
The Broncos are for real. Let me say that again, the Broncos are for real. They have beaten some serious teams, they took out the Chargers, they beat the Jax at Jacksonville and they beat the defending Superbowl champions (though that means less and less every week we see them stumble.) The Giants are a good fad team. They have the floppy haired QB that everyone loves to love – except me, I think he and his family are arrogant pricks. They have the red-neck tight end and they have the abnormally long (sorry AC, I had to borrow the term) wide-out in Plex. But in the end, the Giants aren’t in the top class of the league. They are a good mid tier team. The Broncos are going to beat these guys up, establish the run and force Eli to make some mistakes. I love taking the Broncos without points, but getting 1½ feels great. Take the Broncos and the points.
Whatcha Talking About Willis at The Mossless Miracles – Willis +3
It has been a theme here for the previous couple of weeks, the Bills are back. This week they get the Raiders. The dreaded raiders are without their top offensive threat and their QB, Fairy Collins is reverting to his normal self. Look for the Bills to run the ball and force some turnovers. I am all over the Bills and love getting the points.
Harrington at Dilfer – Dilfer -2.5
I remember watching the draft in 2002 and when it was time to talk about the vaunted Oregon Duck, Joey Harrington, they talked about football – but they couldn’t stop tripping over their tongues when they talked about his ability to play the piano. Excerpt from an article on Joey - “Joey plays the piano by ear and feel, very different from how he plays football. "Music and theater are very important to me," he said recently in an interview with The Detroit Free Press. "I have to have music in my life in some capacity. This is the balancing side of my life."” - Joey should stick to the piano and leave football to the men who love it.
The Brownies are coming off a tough loss – one that Jiggy didn’t expect – and are going to be hungry to show the home crowd that they are winners. Take the Browns and give the measly two and a half points.
Free NFL Lock of the Week
Aaron Brooks at Jamie Martin – Jamie -3
The Saints have already quit this year. They’ve lost four of their last five and don’t really seem to be all that interested in football. The Rams got embarrassed on Monday night and need to settle the ship. Look for the greatest show on turf to rise again with a new skipper at the helm. Old Jamie Martin carves the tired and bored secondary of the Aint’s and Stevie Jackson runs like a mack truck over these guys. Take the Lambs and give the points.
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Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
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