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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS

Week Eight Free NFL Football Picks

Wilma and Spartan Pride

I am so anti-huricane it is ridiculous. I was against Katrina, I didn’t dig Rita and I was prepared to hate Wilma. (While we are on the subject of things I detest or distrust I want to include any group with the name Family, Traditional or Values in the title – if you are in one of those groups and think I shouldn’t hate you, please send me an email detailing why, otherwise, read on) But then Wilma did something for me. That is not to say that the first two didn’t do anything – it showed how a whole nation can rally behind a very mediocre football team (yes, Saints, I am talking about you) and the nation can confuse pro athletes with hometown heroes. One needn’t reread my column on the Saints because you all get it anyway. And we did learn that after one trial run, the local and national disaster teams can get the rescue and catastrophe prevention efforts to run relatively smoothly. Great job Brownie. He sort of reminds me of Mike Martz only slightly (only slightly) less prepared for his job.

Anyway, back to Wilma. I thought it was going to be another bad deal. But the hurricane committee in the sky decided to give me a gift. I was going to have a very mediocre Friday night. Sure I would probably wander down to the La Jolla High football game. You know, cheer on the Vikings and try to convince a 17 year old that the one-eyed monster isn’t something to be feared, but rather something to be loved, dare I say, worshipped. But instead, I heard that Wilma had caused the Chefs-Fins game to be moved up to 4:00 pm on Friday. Oh Frabjous Day, Caloo Calais. I was going to leave work early, go to a dark and sinister bar filled with the tanned and toned and enjoy the Chefs covering the spread and also going over (with the teaser).

I opted to attend with one of Jiggy’s main partners in crime. You remember Lothario from the Ashley B. incident. We positioned ourselves at 3:57 (con cervezas) with a nice viewing angle of both the TV and the young lady with the pleasantly bright thong sitting at the bar in front of us. I was ready to let the ‘dah-dah-dum’ of the Monday Night Football theme song wash over me. At 4:01 when there was no music I was concerned. Not concerned enough to get up from my seat and lose the view of the nymphette in front of me, but concerned. At 4:03 I got up. I had money on the game and I was emotionally prepared to be lost in cheerleaders, awful Maddenisms and 17 minute coaches challenges over 4-yard passes that wouldn’t really affect the game anyway.

The smug bartender explained that the game wouldn’t be shown anywhere but Florida and Missouri. I am not going to spend too much time on the fact that I was blown away to learn that Kansas City is not in Kansas, but that is a discussion for another time. This whole tirade is leading up to my issues with the NFL. I guess there is some rule about not competing with NCAA football or something. Perhaps the rule is also designed to protect two-hour shows about the World Series (baseball, not poker – if it had been poker I would have been less agitated) and women’s pool. What an incredible clusterfuck. I know the UCF Golden Knights football game (that would have started an hour after the end of the Miami game anyway) was important – but not that important. I was agitated and I was hurt.

At least I had the score ticker. It was nice that the Chefs covered and went over. I wish I had told all of you to bet with me – then it would have been lobster tails and oral favors for everyone. But alas, it was just me, getting incredibly drunk.

After the game Lothario and I went on to another bar and drank more. The night got a little dicey when Verne picked us up. Yeah he is a dude and yeah I used the term picked up. He was lonely and wanted drinking and whoring buddies. I was loaded and wasn’t in any position to protest anything. The night ended with Lothario and I grabbing a cab as Verne tried to talk an extremely drunk girl with green hair (and an ample roll of the old blubber peeking out from her too-tight top) to go home with him. I mean this with more sincerity than I mean most things, I hope the two of them found happiness in each other, even if it was only for a night.

The weekend would have been a total waste of time if the following didn’t happen. My Tivo saved my bacon. It had been holding out on me (you know how you have to scroll past all of the skinamax movies and the HBO real sex episodes and the entourage episodes to get to other things you’ve recorded? Well, I hadn’t done that.) There, like a scarred little white girl in an apocalyptic movie, waiting to be rescued and mildly sexually abused, sat the last four episodes of Bound for Glory [http://espn.go.com/eoe/B4G/] For those of you who don’t know, Dick Butkus and Ray Crockett take over the Montour Football program in Pennsylvania. It is genius. Ray Crockett (of the Crockett and Carlos’ Neighborhood Fame) is totally underrated as a broadcaster. I would put him in an NFL Booth far before I would put Dan Dierdorf, Al Michaels, Troy Aikman or Tony Siragusa in there. He is funny and charismatic. While those others are certified douche bags. So I want to just handicap the Spartans every week. I think Nick Dilanni should totally be benched – I admit he is probably better than Joe Ayoob and Joey Harrington, but he just isn’t clutch. And why hasn’t someone smacked Christian Wilson. That kid exemplifies everything that is wrong with the US (except that fact that lesbian porn isn’t on regular tv everynight.) Wilson is a prima donna that doesn’t show up for his team. Good God. Anyway, the Spartans made the weekend ok. That and winning a couple of big bets on the Broncos and the Lambs.

So football…

I didn’t get to watch the Chiefs game – see tirade above – but I understand that Ricky Williams (every time I am in a situation, I ask myself WWRWD and usually if I follow the answer, I am drunker, stonder, cooler and happier) took six carries a whopping negative one yards. Rick, those weren’t the ’85 Bears over there, they were the KC Chefs. Do y’all remember when all the critics said that Ricky’s mind wasn’t on football? I do. My friends said that too when I drafted him in my Fantasy Football league. I told them that they didn’t understand Ricky (by the way Ricky is my Co-Pilot) is so gifted a football player that even if only half of his mind and soul are dedicated to football, he is still better than many of the NFLers. I was wrong. He doesn’t seem to care a single farthing about the game. And for that I am sad. I still think Nick Saban will get some production out of him. And the Fish defense is still quite strong. Look for both of these teams to continue to impress.

Jeff ‘Zorro’ Garcia, though he is terrible and should really be starring in the new Zorro movie rather than playing football whipped up on the Brownies. Great job Brownies. This win was actually a testament to the Detroit defense. They have really gelled, and it was about time as the offense is still one of the laughing stocks of the NFL.

Houston played better than expected. But hey, they were at home, it wasn’t like they were going to get blown out by 20. Only 18.

San Diego should hire a witch doctor or a spiritual healer (Ricky?) because they could not have gotten any unluckier in that game. Philly looked mediocre and the Bolts looked tough. If some 2nd stringer holds his block on the FG team then SD waltzes out with the win. Though they did cover.

Brett, it is time to retire. Really. Your whole team is injured and you don’t look like you are having fun anymore. You don’t need the money and you just lost to the Vikings. The Vikings. Maybe you could try being a groundskeeper. I understand you enjoy the rising mower and I am sure some golf course would be happy to have you.

I am going to rail briefly about the Bills. They should have whipped the Raiders. On the first drive, they established the run and worked the ball down the field. As soon as the game got a little tough, they went away from their strength. Kelly Holcombe is not their strength – McGahee is. In fairness to the Bills, they didn’t expect Randy Moss to play and they probably didn’t know that LaMont Jordan was actually the reincarnation of Earl Campbell. As much as I hate Lamont (which loosely translated means the mont) the chainsaw endzone dance was real nice. Almost TO’esque.

Attention to the Niners, Ravens, Broncos, Titans and Drew Bledsoe – You all suck please look for new employment.

Now, the NFL picks…

Jax @ Lambs – Jax -3

Marc Bulger is sitting due to an injured right shoulder. The Lambs are coming off an emotional come-from-behind win and the Jax are coming off of a week of rest. Look for the healthy and angry Jags to take it to the pathetic, coachless, injured lambs. Take the Jax and give the points.

The Raider Nation at Nashville Skyline – Nashville +1.5

I think the Raiders are overrated and I think that the Titans are underrated. Mcnair is supposed to be back (we shall see) and the Titans are at home. The Raiders don’t really have a chance here.

Lee Suggs at Domanick Davis – Suggs +2

I am about to use some words in an order and manner that I didn’t expect to be able to use this year. I am going to take Houston’s opponent and the points. Bwhahahahaha. Who would have ever thought that the winless, inept Texans would ever be a favorite? I didn’t. I am taking the Brownies (who have hurt me so much this year) and the points. The Browns will not lose this game. In the name of everything that is Sacred Romeo, you mustn’t fail. No one, I mean no one loses to the Texans.

Free NFL Lock of the Week

Pack at Bungles – Bungles -9

Nine is so many points. But it is also the number of healthy starters that the Packers have on both sides of the ball combined. The Bengals will roll. (And don’t forget how pissed they are to have lost to the Steelers.) I am sort of sad that they are going to take out all of their anger on the poor pack. But that is life in the old NF of L.

Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to sportingbetusa.com for some time ( Join www.sportingbetusa.com now and receive a generous sign up bonus. ). They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.

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