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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Jiggy's 2006 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 8 | Losses: 11 | Ties 1:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 42%
Record updated by Tuesday
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy is coming off a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, and 2005-2006 NFL season.posting a winning record on both his NFL football picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
NFL Week 5 Free Picks & Column
 It was one of those nights last night. You know the ones; you start out meeting a couple of colleagues for some witty repartee and maybe a few libations. Sure there are hot women at the bar they may not ‘want’ to talk with you or they don’t find you ‘attractive.’ (Little do they know that they could be libating (should be a word) and conversating (is slangy, but acceptable) with the internationally renown, Jiggy). So your esteemed colleagues have the genius idea of going to a dance club.
Now there have been too many jack daniels’ to count and they are talking about the type of dance club that others may call a strip joint. I think the term strip joint belittles what these fine establishments are. They are like Disneyland for adults. They also represent something I totally enjoy, unbridled capitalism. Anything you want can be had… for the right price.
The New Century …
So I am in the private room with this relatively homely girl. This is minutes after being rushed in to the club, treated like a VIP and then being separated from my friends and whisked to a private room. We got the VIP treatment (not because Jiggy, handicapper to the stars was in the group, but) because King Padayee was with us. His story is one that shall remain untold (for now) but if you ever find me in Vegas ask me about the King. Anyway, as I find myself in this room there are myriad thoughts racing through my head – all of them have varying levels of stress and pleasure associated with them. The overarching thought (though it was probably filled with folly) was that I desperately needed some more jack daniels before I could make any rational decision. So, I asked for one.
 Chastity (not her real name – this is funny on so many levels) responded that because this was a totally nude club, they couldn’t serve booze. This set off a long string of thoughts (and obscenities) that I’d like to share with you.
The logic of the lawmakers who enacted this rule was probably something like this… Guys love girls. Guys do dumb things to get the attention and admiration of girls. Guys especially love nude girls. Guys will do REALLY dumb things to get the attention of nude girls. Guys drink for many reasons, suffice it to say that when chasing les femmes, they tend to drink a lot. (This could be for nerves, this could be to have something to talk about, something to do…) When guys are drunk they tend to do dumber things than when they are sober. The combination of naked girls and booze is probably asking for trouble. So in order to protect the girls who actually get naked, we aren’t going to allow for the sale of alcohol where there is visible punani.
Although this rule was put in to effect for the protection of women, I would argue that it hurts them. Let’s go through this…
 The goal that all of these women have is to make lots of money (this is after all a capitalist society and these girls are the Andrew Carnegies and John D. Rockefellers of their profession). The girls want to seem attractive (in order to entice men to get lap dances and private rooms). They want the men to be turned on (presumably to continue buying dances and various ancillary services) and they want the men to be free with their money. (The more able someone is to make the connection between the $700 that goes to Chastity (not her real name) and the $700 that should go to rent, the less likely they are to employ Chastity – even if only for one or two songs.)
Before we begin the in depth analysis, let’s be frank. If a guy is going to be violent because he sees a little cooch, I don’t think that a 3-inch piece of translucent, stretchy anal floss is going to calm his barbaric impulses. But let’s leave that hypocrisy for another day. Let’s talk about booze.
I would argue that having booze in the clubs would only help these ladies. First, everyone is more attractive after some casual drinking. But after serious drinking, even the quintessentially homely girls become comely. Allow me to be crass here – once in the private room, it is a poor financial decision for the Chastities of the world to be too good at their jobs. Let me phrase this differently, if one busts their nut during the first song, Chastity is forced to begin the whole marketing process anew with someone more ‘open to what she is selling.’ The refractory period is bad for business. Having a little alcohol in the system can slow that process down and allow for far more dances. Additionally, the booze helps us forget that $600 is too much to spend for five minutes. And finally, everything goes better with alcohol. In terms of feeling like the whole customer experience was a positive one, it helps to tip a glass.
All in all, the very rule that was put in to effect to protect the helpless strippers (they are FAR from helpless) actually makes their job more difficult and less lucrative. So I then thought about our poor friend, Albert Haynesworth.
If you haven’t seen the footage, after a play ended, he kicked off Andre Gurode’s helmet and proceeded to cut the holy hell out of his face with his cleats. The league opted to suspend Albert for five games. This is similar to not allowing booze in totally nude clubs.
Let’s go back a little to analyze this.
In high school I was an angry kid. I was also on the wrestling team and football team. This is relevant because I had some knowledge of how to really hurt someone. In wrestling you are taught what is and isn’t allowed so that you don’t blow out your opponent’s knees or elbows. In football games, specifically in piles, one had the opportunity to hurt someone if one so chose. But for some reason it rarely happened. I also extrapolate that if a scrawny 135 pound kid could really injure someone’s knee or elbow, imagine the damage that an Angry 250 lb linebacker that takes steroids and lifts weights constantly could cause. It is crazy. And yet, it doesn’t almost ever happen.
I have to believe that the following few things are true. First, everyone is vulnerable to this type of injury. What must be the case is that there is an unwritten rule in the NFL that one simply does not try and injure people illegally. This would make sense because one plays the same teams and players repeatedly and one understands that the financial ramifications are gigantic. Or in other words many of the people in the NFL plan to use the money they make in their 4-5 year pro football career for the rest of their lives.
This is the difference between a one shot game and repeated game. If (like in many high school games) you were to play another team only once and the players were constantly changing (graduating, quitting football, transferring out of your conference…) you could do really bad things and expect that you would not likely see those kids again nor would they talk to anyone on the other teams. So one could imagine that you could get away with it. And additionally, screwing up some kids junior season of football just isn’t that big a deal. The kid wasn’t going to make a living in football and he will be fine for the next season. These things aren’t true in the NFL.
In the NFL, you play the same people year in and year out. Because of the high levels of free agency and team switching, all of the players know each other (across teams) and likely speak frequently. An injury in the NFL can be catastrophic. Injuries can result in the loss of a starting position and in some cases the permanent loss of some small amount of physical skill. That small loss wouldn’t make a difference if the NFL weren’t so competitive to begin with, but there is precious little margin for error in The League. In essence this is the classic case of everyone living in glass houses and thus throwing unnecessary stones is totally verboten.
Because of the high stakes involved and the relative fraternity of these players, I would imagine that there are serious repercussions for trying to injure someone illegally, the way Albert Haynesworth did. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were endless cheap shots and even more seriously a career threatening injury that magically befell young Albert.
But instead of letting the market (or the league) handle its own business, the league suspended Albert. In essence they have allowed a cooling off period, a period of protection for the offending defensive player. This is just like not allowing booze in strip clubs – the punishment doesn’t solve the problem. The league should have verbally lashed out at him and fined him a gigantic amount and then put him on the field the very next week. I think he would have learned his lesson when he was the one gushing blood or being carted off.
Good riddance Albert and good day.
Jiggy didn’t have a great week last week. The Niners disappointed seriously. The Jags couldn’t seem to stop Santana Moss. NEWSFLASH, they may try and throw to that guy. Cover him. And the prediction about the Chargers was correct, except for one drive. It turned out to be the pivotal drive, but alas, it is still a loss. I did enjoy the Bears anally raping the Seagulls. So that money felt nice.
Interesting observations from the third week.
Arizona is still bad and should have gone with Leinart.
Tennessee is still bad. And Green Bay is still awful. Poor Favre.
Miami is garbage and the Indy defense just ain’t what it used to be.
New Orleans was guttier than expected.
And Hoodie (Belichek) hasn’t completely lost his marbles. Nice win against the angry cats.
On to the free NFL picks…
Willis (Buf) at Tommy (Chi)– Buff +10.5
The Bills are a strong team that gets work done. The Bears have shown us some offense to go with their stellar defense. The Bills probably lose this one, but no way do they lose by this many points. You have to enjoy taking the surging Bills and more than a touchdown and a field goal.
Oak (Oak) at SF (SF) – SF -3.5
No one on the Raiders even wants to play football anymore. The Niners have to rebound from their awful drubbing by KC and they have just the opponent for that. The Raiders are arguably the worst team in the NFL. The Niners are just in the bottom quartile. Take the bottom quartile and give the points.
Marc Booger (St.L) at Brett Faaarrva (GB) – GB+3
There is still a little magic in Favre. The pack come back (barely) this week. It could be cold and it could be stormy. The indoor Lambs can’t handle the screaming fans (if there are actually any left). Take the Pack and the points.
Chris Simms Spleen (TB) at Reggie, Reggie, Reggie (NO) – NO -6.5
You dance with the girl ya brung. I have no idea what that means. The Saints are still Americas favorite team and the friendly confines of the new Superdome give them the extra energy needed to cover against the Spleenless Bucs. Jiggy Note: This rookie QB for the Bucs will turn out to be a gamer. I don’t see it happening this week, but look for him to outperform expectations.
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