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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2008 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 35 | Losses: 36 | Ties 3:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 50%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season (where he picked over 60% correctly). Besides one down year (2006-07) Jiggy has posted a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
2008 FREE NFL PICKS CONFERENCE CHAMPIONSHIP
Reality Facials…
Facial: (noun)
1) A beauty treatment used to cleanse and exfoliate the pores of the face
a. Oh honey, Sarah, Jenna and I are going to the salon to have mannies, peddies and facials.
2) Having to do with or relating to the face
a. That helmet prevents head injuries; this one prevents head injuries as well as facial scarring.
3) (mid 80’s) term used for embarrassment.
a. Whoa, that kid was like, ‘no way’ and then you were like, ‘way’ and then you were like, ‘no way’ and then he totally tripped. Facial.
4) In pornography, the act of ejaculating on the face of a sexual participant.
a. Jiggy was pumping like there was no tomorrow and he contemplated blowing his ‘all-star’ load in one or both of their rectums, but then, cooler heads prevailed and he knew it was actually time for a double facial. The twin cheerleaders got the non verbal cue and dropped to their knees in front of his bejeweled schlong, smiled and awaited their prize.
To the uninitiated scenes end in facials or they don’t. But, just as the Eskimos have 43 words for snow, Jiggy (the Eskimo of porn if you will) understands that not all facials are created equally (in the eyes of the lord and otherwise).
There are facials that are accidental. We have all pulled out during a standard missionary adventure only to get a little more distance than expected with our gooey gifts. Oh, to see them pass the stomach, hop, skip and jump over the breasts and sail over the chin (with the greatest of ease) to land squarely (and happily) on the cheeks, jowls and nose of our compatriot. There are facials where the eyes are covered and a snorkel seems to be required. Sometimes the velocity of the jizz is a shock to all and sometimes it just sadly dribbles out.
When celebrating a winning weekend, Jiggy opts to end things with a congratulatory facial. This will be intentional, it will be direct, it will not necessarily aim for the eyes, but if they are hit, no one will sing the blues. But the key parts of the facial are the power, momentum (mass times velocity) and volume of the facial. It must announce it presence with authority and it must have the volume to really make and impact. A facial is a powerful coda to the sex act. It can’t be drippy, it can’t be soppy (though it should always be sloppy) and it can’t be weak. A facial must be an exclamation point.
[Editorial note, after losing weekends, Jiggy also counsels that ending with a facial is best – but sometimes the emphasis may be redirected.]
So, (and bear with me, we are getting to the point) I was out with some of my high school friends. Now, not all of Jiggy’s friends live the eight-star, bachelor lifestyle that The Jiggy does. Many of them are married, many of them have kids and many of them have jobs (adjust this last statement slightly due to the credit crunch and looming recession). We went out to dinner. A nice restaurant. And we saw a group of 20 something honeys enter the restaurant. These chiquitas were dressed to the nines and looking rather delicious.
[Editorial note: Jiggy quickly assessed each of the girls on three metrics. First, pure hotness – pretty self explanatory. Second, facial-readiness. And finally, threesome potential. As a reader, one should always assess a woman with these three criteria, in this order.]
One of the group wanted to send over a round of ‘sex on the beach’ drinks. I had to explain that those drinks have not been popular since 1992 and that buying drinks for women immediately sets the wrong message. Jiggy knows that a confident, yet mildly lecherous smile along with some witty banter goes far further.
So as the group of skankiness was walking by, Jiggy was ready with his kilowatt smile and a quick line about silk panty markets in indo-china (not hit as hard as one might think by the credit crisis). Jiggy had prepared his friends with similar smiles and similar interesting rhetoric. The targets walked by. We all used the ammunition we had.
Not a single one of them looked over. They thought of us like old men. This was a reality facial. I am not a young man anymore. For me to fornicate with 20 somethings, I need to go without my old friends, or I need to meet them through their employment (hookers, call girls and strippers).
[Editorial note: many of my readers complain that I lump together those three groups. Strippers who write in say, ‘we aren’t hookers, we are entertainers. People pay to watch us dance. Hookers walk the streets and call girls are just prostitutes. Every stripper I have ever had a dance from has insinuated that for a couple extra bucks the action could take a decidedly adventurous turn. So, I have a reality facial for all of you. If you accept cash to make a guy (or girl) come, then you are a prostitute. I am not judging because there are a lot of professions that I consider far lower (lawyer for instance) but accept what you are and own it. Be fierce about it.]
This revelation about my age was shocking. And as I sat there, in the olive garden, it dawned on me that I need to wake up about the Cardinals.
I have lost more dollars than many of my readers will ever see (and sadly much of their money) betting against the Desert Birds. I need to come to grips with the fact that they have the best receiving corps in the NFL, they have a god-fearing qb who has won and been an MVP of a superbowl. They have a running back from The U (edge) and they have Karlos Dansby, a true dick-kicking linebacker. They have sufficient coaching and they even have JJ Arrington (from Cal). So maybe they aren’t so bad. Just saying this, I feel as if the semen is dripping away.
The Ravens also provided me with a reality facial. Or more succinctly, Kerry Collins did. In picking the Titans I made two bad assumptions. First, I assumed Chris Johnson would be in the game. That little dude is a game changer. And, although Jiggy loves Lendale White, Lendale couldn’t break a long run in a pee-wee football game right now. In fact, give Jiggy some pads and I will spot Lendale eight yards and I bet I catch him from behind. I am not saying I could tackle his ass once I got there, but he just isn’t fast. And also, I assumed that Kerry Collins wouldn’t single-handedly lose the game for the Titans. Two bad assumptions.
So there you have it. We need to be open to the times that life provides us with reality facials. We have to accept them and grow from them.
Namaste.
JIGGY'S FREE NFL PICKS
The Dick-Kickers (baltimore) @ Ben, Troy and James (Pitt) – Pitt -6
You can keep going to a well over and over again and just because there has been water in there the last six times, doesn’t guarantee that there will be water in there the seventh. But, that being said, I would rather bet with the well than against it. I love the Steelers, at home, with a superbowl winning QB, with an all universe defense, with a cool coach, with wee-willie. I am on the Steelers and I am giving the points. (Oh, and I would take the over too.)
Marky Mark (reference to the crappy movie where he walks on to the team) (philly) @ Jesus (or his human incarnate – Kurt Warner) (az) – Gimme Dem Eagles -4
All the reality facials in the world won’t allow me to bet on Kurt Warner against the exotic blitzing, hard-charging, bandwagon running Filthadelphia eagles. I am on those birds and I am giving the points.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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