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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 21 | Losses: 15 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 58%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK NINE
If the Queen had a Dick
So Jiggy was at Yoga the other day. I know, the world often imagines Jiggy as a certain archetype – but in reality he is a multifaceted, multi-orgasmic man who would be called a renaissance man if it didn’t sound so French and faggy (not that there is anything wrong with that.)
So Jiggy was at Yoga – it ain’t all transcendental and shit – there is also the significant T & A factor. Note to all of my female readers (and you know who you are) (actually three notes):
1) Yoga makes the muscles long, lean and strong. This makes the body far more pleasing to the eye and to the touch. Ladies out there who just run or just spin – this is nice and we appreciate it – lord knows that dominates our couch potato ladies – but if you are making a serious decision about exercise for the sake of looking hot (I am not sure what other reasons are there, especially if you are like the ladies that Jiggy utilizes – ones that make a living from their looks – and we could digress here about how women have been earning a living with their looks and their comeliness forever, but that would be inflammatory and also not particularly germane to this column) then I would urge you to either do yoga all the time or at least mix it in two times per week. (This is based on a 5-6 day per week workout schedule.)
 2) When you do Yoga, make sure to wear the appropriate garb – specifically Lulu Lemon attire. Not only is it great for Yoga (breathable, flexible and wicking) but it also is cut to make your asses look hot. Not like, ‘oh you look thin honey,’ not ‘did you change your hair, you look younger,’ but ‘sweet Jesus call the police, alert the neighbors and tie down the dog because I am going to rape you for the next six hours (in a loving way) because your ass looks more delicious than a rare porterhouse steak from Peter Luger’s.’ There are few things I enjoy more than sitting out at a Café on Chestnut Street with a nice coffee (with a little adult additive) and watching the sweaty, fit young things leaving yoga in their Lulu Lemon costumes. Truly dreamy.
3) Finally an aside on Lulu Lemon… This may or may not be true. Because Jiggy typically thinks the worst of people (and things) I am disposed to believe it. The founder of Lulu Lemon is an entrepreneur – and one that has been very successful. The rumor is that he chose the name Lulu Lemon because it is the single hardest name he could think of for an asian person to say. You know the issue of reversing Rs and Ls. So when one of the 2-3 billion co inhabitants of Earth say the name, it sounds like Roo Roo Remon. Funny. Jiggy doesn’t believe in discriminating – especially against the women of 60% of the globe but we can all appreciate the efforts of one lone asshole trying to make the world a little more discordant. Kudos.
So, Jiggy was at yoga because he had to calm down, find his center and embrace his inner child. I have a fundamental belief about gambling that goes as follows: There are no ‘correct bets’ there are only bets that win and bets that lose. I model my gambling on the (I believe apocryphal) scene in Liar’s Poker (pg. 14) “one hand, one million dollars, no tears.” You place your bet and then you handle the outcome (good or bad) like a man.
Whenever someone says to me, ‘yeah, but if only Michael Robinson had thrown six fewer interceptions, than Penn State would have covered, I have a set response. ‘If the queen had a dick – she’d be the king.’
Now, all of that being said, the reason I had to go to Yoga (outside of the hotties) was the way the Saints handled the end of the Monday Night Game. So let’s break it down.
So there is 1:42 left in the game, the Ain’ts are winning by 11 (covering the spread if you bet when Jiggy’s column came out – spread opened at 10 and moved up). Who Dat just got the ball back on a 4th down turnover by the Falcs. So it is Saint ball on the Atlanta 46.
The Falcons have one timeout – so Jiggy starts to count his money. All the Saints have to do is take a knee.
Let’s analyze the worst possible situation if they took a knee.
Play One: Brees takes the snap, ignores pain in his vagina and takes a knee. Hotlanta takes their last timeout. Now 1:38 left in game. It is now 2nd and 12 at the Atlanta 48.
Play Two: Brees takes the snap, thinks about jumping headfirst it to the whole cast of ‘Thunder down under’ and still manages to take a knee. Hotlanta has no time outs, so ~40 seconds will be burned off the clock (depending on when they set the ball and start the play clock.’) Now 0:58 second left in the game and it is now 3rd and 14 at the 50.
Play Three: Brees takes the snap, wonders if the laser surgery to remove that giant mole on his face will be expensive or painful (or both) and then takes a knee. Now, it is 4th and 16 at the NO 48 and there are around 18 seconds left. The Saints could even run the play clock to exactly one second and use one of their timeouts. Yes, now they have to punt, hell punt it out of the end zone (to avoid the ever dangerous (and flamboyantly gay) Reggie Bush.)
Play Four: Saints punt out of the end zone.
Hotlanta gets the ball at the Saints 20 with roughly 14 seconds (~3 plays) and no timeouts. This seems like game, set match. It should have been over.
But instead, the brain trust decided that they needed to get a first down – to avoid the totally heart-stoppingly risky scenario from above. Keep in mind that the Saints are just trying to win, they don’t even need to cover the spread (like us gamblers.) so, even if the Falcons scored (after the punt in the scenario above) they would have to recover and onside kick (now with roughly four seconds left in the game – it would take close to 10 seconds for the 80 yard passing play – and they’d have to get the two point conversion) and then get a pass to get in to field goal range and then get the FG team out there. This is not a very likely series of events.
The brain trust must have believed that the probability of them getting first down running outweighed the risk of just kneeling on the ball. The Saints had been outrushed already in the game – though they did have 146 yards rushing. But the point is that the defense had to defend the whole field and be ready for a pass or a run – in this situation, they knew the Saints had to run. So the probability of making a first down decreases markedly. Whatever. I am getting worked up just writing this.
The point of the story is that the queen has no cock. We should have bet the Falcons. But next time Sean Payton (yes I am calling you out) just take a freaking knee.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Beanie (AZ) @ Matthew (chi) – Az +3
Do bears poop in the woods? Yes. So take the Cardinals.
My career hurts so bad (Det) @ My Ribs Hurt So Bad (Sea) – Sea -10
For some reason, professional athletes can handle all types of adversity (not least of all is having 200+ pound men, who train every day, year round trying to destroy them physically chasing them) seem to have difficulty traveling to Seattle. It is a westbound flight and then the weather can be off-putting there. Anyhow, I am on the hometown Seachickens.
V(d)Y (tenny) @ Alex Smiff (SF) – SF -4
Oh no I didn’t. Yeah, I did. I am prepared to fall on my sword here. The Niners have lost much of their important offensive personnel (both O-tackles – and specifically Joe Staley their best O-lineman) they have lost their high-priced free agent corner (lockdown22.com) and they are a rough and tumble team to boot. But I think they come home and unleash their anger about their near loss to the Colts on VY and his merry bunch of first pick seeking Titans. Gimme them Niners.
Superbowl Champions (pitt) @ We were 7-9 last year (Den) – Pitt -3
Come on. I am all over the Steelers.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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