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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 22 | Losses: 18 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 55%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK TEN
Musings from Thursday Eve
When Thursday Night NFL begins it always tickles me at the bottom of the scrotum. The old twig and berries are roused from their summer doldrums (primarily caused by the baseball season – that season that is both endless and gargantuanly boring). Once the October Classic has played out, in all of its colorless splendor (sarcasm intended) and the NCAA has begun to wind down its regular season – then the true NFL gambling addicts --
 Editorial Note: I don’t mean addict in that judgmental, 12-step way – but rather in the sense that there are people who float through the world, dilly-dallying with whatever grabs his (or her) fancy for the day and then those self-same (likely improper use of the reflexive – but go with me, I am on a role) people wonder why they haven’t achieved greatness – Jiggy knows, and I don’t believe it is a secret - true competency – dare I say artistry and genius are the product of some degree of natural aptitude – to be sure – but true accomplishment is only gained through hard work – eons of hard work – the kind of hard work that addicts put in – mere dabblers can’t compete. As a thought experiment, would you rather have sex with someone who has sex occasionally or someone who is an addict, a true artisan? I suspect that (once we correct for hotness) the answer is obvious – who has time for people that aren’t serious about their craft? Not I proclaimed Jiggy.
True gambling addicts are relieved that all of their sporting distractions have finally moved on to ESPN Classics and all that we are left with is the beauty of NFL football – in all of its money making glory. [And some truly easy money from NBA basketball – generously provided by feckless (and mercurial) writer, AC.] But I always feel like that horse – you know the one, who thinks it queer to stop without a farmhouse near and then goes on to give his harness bells a shake – to ask if there has been some mistake. But the driver knows (as does Jiggy really, so the entire metaphor (or is it an analogy) breaks down) that although the woods are lovely, dark and deep – he has promises to keep and miles to go before he sleeps. The same is true for us gambling addicts (in the good sense). The true money is made in the final months of the football season. And now we must go get it.
A quick analysis of the season thus far: Sure, Jiggy has been entertaining, even downright witty at times. But the only thing that matters – (just like when a dude asks another dude how his date was last night, he isn’t asking about the food, the ambiance, the conversation, he is asking if there is now stank on the hang low. Everything else is interesting, but it doesn’t answer the question.) - what matters is whether or not there is more money in your pocket. Jiggy is 21-15 this season. That means that if you bet just $100 per game (usually about a third of the tip I give to my ‘service providers’) you would have made $2,100 and lost $1,650. That is a profit of $450 on an investment of $3,600 that is a profit of12.5% - but in nine weeks. Annualized (with stooped math) that is like a 72% return. Not too shabby given that the S&P is for suckers. So you have money and you have entertainment. Sounds like a winning combination.
So Thursday night was glorious. Jiggy did bet the Niners and he was on the edge of his seat. He was convinced that they would up and pull a fast one by blowing their small lead late in the fourth. But, thanks to Jay Cutler, they didn’t. They covered and the hooker parade started. But before I impaled one of the lovelies with Jiggy’s ample manhood, I engaged her in some oral and aural (discussion, not oral copulation – that comes later and often.) I asked her what she had thought of the Jay Cutler trade back when it happened. The streetwalker and I agreed that when it happened it looked as if the Bears may have put themselves in to contention for the super bowl. It looked as if the Broncos had decided that this was a rebuilding year and then we all went about our merry ways (and there are many, many ways one can go merrily when you are paying for it.)
But let’s look at the Bears. They dumped Cedric Benson – and he has turned in to one of the top decile backs in the league. And they traded away Kyle Orton (someone who has not been immune to the slings and arrows of Jiggy’s pen – figurative pen, as we type these days) who is leading his team almost assuredly to the playoffs, maybe further. And the Bears also took one of the better defensive backs and kick returners in the league (Devin Hester) and turned him in to an inept wide receiver and eliminated his kickoff return duties. All three of these are just boneheaded maneuvers. But then, even with all of that stupidity, and five turnovers, they still managed to almost beat the Alex Smith led Niners. Which brings me to a story…
Back in high school, when Jiggy was more prone to the heavy girls – lord knows that an economist/statistician like Jiggy recognized that the market was mispricing heavy girls. I could wax philosophical about the pleasures of sex with a heavy girl versus a hot girl (it is closer than the market perceives). So if the effort to bed a ‘chunky monkey’ is 1/10th or even 1/100th that of the hot girl and the sex is ½ as good (and I suspect it is closer) than why get laid once every 10-100 times with a hot girl when getting laid twice by a heavy girl equates to one boning with a hot girl. It don’t make no sense. But here is the point.
Back in high school, Jiggy had done his seductive dance (read buying milkshakes) for a particularly pleasant lady and it was time to do the deed. Please note that Jiggy went to high school in the late 80’s so it was required that one go out and buy a girl something before the boning could commence in earnest. I know that old people always lament how different times are/were. But it does seem to this untrained eye (and untrained cocksman –as paying for it really negates the whole courtship process) that today one must just drop a witty quotation on a young lady’s facebook wall and then follow up with a tweet and the next thing you know, the young lady (but over 18 for all you lawyers out there) is bobbing on one’s knob. Young readers, please explain.
So, back in high school, I finally got to that stage with this young lady. And when she dropped her drawers, the room began to fill with her stank. It was emanating from her holiest of holies. I could have fled, I could have been a rude guy – but I manned up and did my business. Just think about something else (other than garbage dumps, rotten eggs and sulfur) and get it done. I am pretty sure got hers (read female orgasm – it does exist people – but it reminds me of a great joke – how does a real man know when his lady has come? Real men don’t care) and I got mine. But it was nip and tuck there at the end.
So the next time I bone her (scientists have to run controls and experiments people) after feeding her M&Ms rather than milkshakes, the same thing happens. Her odeur (French spelling makes it seem less disgusting – it wasn’t) wilted the flowers by her bed and caused her dog to run, whimpering from the room. It was still a disaster.
And the third time – yes, verification trumps all. It was the same thing. Trouble, spelled R-A-N-K-P-U-S-S-Y-S-M-E-L-L.
 So, Jiggy was in Vegas about five years ago for a – um – handicapper’s convention and who does Jiggy run in to, but smelly pussy girl. And she is now about 30. She has clearly spent some time in the gym. She looks hot. (Another note – and I know they have been coming fast and furious – but there is a lot to say – pudgy girls age better than skinny girls. It is a fact.) Her hair looked great, her figure was banging, her outfit showed that she knew her body was banging. She was a dead ringer for Sasha Grey – I mean we are talking sixteen alarm fire.
Well, Jiggy sidled up and said something that was warm, friendly and devious, all at the same time. She remembered the Jig (and his masterful love-making) and she also remembered that when she was heavy and no one wanted to poke her, Jiggy was man enough to treat her with respect. Another benefit of the heavy girl strategy. So we began to talk and arranged to meet up later for a cocktail to ‘catch up.’
We chatted, we knoodled, we joked and the chemistry was there. Everything about her was perfect, her nails were done, her teeth were white and straight and her breath smelled like bourbon and roses. And the most attractive quality of all, she was picking up what Jiggy was putting down. The vibe was all there. It was as if Whitesnake was still in their prime and Stephanie Seymour was still on the cover of SI.
So we hustle upstairs to the gambler’s suite that seems to always be available for El Jiggerachi. A few glasses of Noah’s Mill on the rocks, and some sexually charged music later, we find ourselves locked in a steamy embrace. The pace quickened (if I were a lousy harlequin romance writer I would say that our pace quickened with our breath and our hearts – but I am not that writer – we just began tearing our clothes off faster than we had earlier). Her shirt fell to the floor revealing a truly stripperific body and her ass was ready to have quarters bounced off of it. And lord knows, Jiggy would get to that, eventually. There was then some heavy petting, some of it oral – and I don’t mean talking – but I will not get graphic, because Jiggy doesn’t get blow jobs and tell. But I will give you a hint. She knew about the teeth trick as well as the ‘ball-tickling with fingernail’ trick.
And then it was time to get to the main event – the Tyson v. Holyfield after the Moorer v. Botha undercard. I reached down and grabbed her $100 a pair underwear and pulled them off. And you know what happened?
The room smelled like a fucking cesspool. I could have sworn I was in that scene in Star Wars where our heroes are trapped in a garbage dump. The point of this entire story is that you can take a smelly pussy to the gym, you can do its hair, you can get it lipo, you can put expensive clothes on it, you can give it a French accent, you can bounce quarters off of its ass, it is still a stanky pussy. And Alex Smith is still that shitty quarterback who isn’t ready for the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Matty Ryan (hotlanta) @ Jake Delhomie (Car) – Hotlanta -1
The Falcs have had a rough couple of weeks. But the Panthers have been significantly outperforming themselves (if that is possible). Look for the Dirty Birds to assert themselves physically – if not sexually.
Jiggy always thought I was terrible, even at Purdue (Den) @ Jason Campbell? (was) – Den -3.5
Washington is rudderless. Denver is really angry after being embarrassed on Monday Night. I suspect they will get their revenge on the hapless Bullets.
Desean clap-clap-clap,clap,clap Jackson (phi) @ Antonio Gates (SD) – Philly +1
I am really looking forward to this one. It has the makings of an exciting shoot out. SD needs to fight for relevance and the Eagles don’t travel well. Desean is coming back to SoCal and Norv Turner molests children (male and female). I am on the Eagles!
Beautiful Billies (buff) @ Tenny (ten) – Tenny -7
I hate Vince Young, not because he is a head case, but because he is a lousy QB. But I am now on the bandwagon. Sue me. Remember the Titans.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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