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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 27 | Losses: 25 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 52%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK THIRTEEN
Born on Third…
When Jiggy was back in journalism/creative writing school (and yes, he is edjumacated) there was much time spent on thesis, support, and conclusion. There was much stress put on thematic integrity and unity of purpose. And you know what is really nice about being a columnist – one with one’s own name at the top of the effing page? It is the fact that Jiggy do what Jiggy do. Who doesn’t love a tautology? But this one is especially relevant. Jiggy is going to put the fireplace poker directly into the rectum of that journalism teacher. Why? Because he can.
So, the first thing that needs discussion is the Monday Night Game last week. Sweet Jesus (and that from a Jewish Brotha). That game had all the makings of a potential Superbowl preview. The Patriots have the ‘genius coach’ they have the all-universe QB (who happens to be boning a super model – but more on Gisele later), you’ve got the meteoric wideout and then you have the wily veteran defense. The Saints have the panty-dropping offensive scheme, the up and cumming defense (note on spelling – in our language, often usage determines rules and not the other way around – if everyone starts spelling color instead of colour, well then why not make ‘color’ the appropriate spelling? In that vein, I haven’t seen the word coming spelled any other way but ‘cumming’ for the last week – I assume the trend will continue), they have the QB with the birthmark/mole from hell and they are undefeated.
I settled in to the coach – money on the Patriots, expecting to be thrilled and excited (in a non-sexual way) and then to be a little richer at the end of the evening. The logic went as follows: The Saints are good and all, but the Genius will watch all of their film and be ready for whatever the Saints throw at them. I mean come on, the Genius beat Peyton Manning and the Colts multiple times – how much harder could it be to beat the lowly NFC Saints?
I don’t know how many of my readers are from one of the fly-over states (read anything not California or NY) but I am going to use a term they understand. If you are an East Coast or West Coast person, email me for a definition. The Saints took them Patriots out to the woodshed on Monday. It was violent, it was so violent it was almost sexual.
Editorial Note: Jiggy doesn’t believe in rape (I believe it exists, but I don’t support it as a practice and I certainly don’t support rape of minors. The following description is only metaphor (or is it analogy?)
The Saints treated the Patriots like they were a whole school bus filled with young girls (for the sake of this description lets imagine they are all ‘of age’ but look younger) then lined them up and violated them in every hole.
So, what can we deduce from all of this? When one watched the game, one had to notice that Brees was dropping dimes. Every one of his passes was perfect (except maybe three). That cannot possibly continue forever. But as they say in Guam ‘me do to you until you stop me.’ Someone has to stop these Aints. Someone has to put on more pressure or disguise coverages better or spend more time prepping. Otherwise these guys are going to waltz through the Superbowl.
Consider that the Pats almost (and arguably should have) beat the Colts (the other undefeated team) but if you use the commutative property, A>B and B>C then A>C. So if the Pats are equal to or slightly inferior to the Colts and then Saints are worlds better than the Pats (ok, the math doesn’t hold up, but the logic does) then you can imagine what the Saints would do to the Colts.
But, as someone who has spent years and years honing my writing craft, I am going to go deep in to Jiggy’s psyche and pull out ‘le mot juste’ or the perfectly original phrase to characterize the rest of the season. Ready?
I guess that is why you play the games.
Oh, and if Brees gets hurt, then all bets are off. No one can lead that team the way he does (not withstanding the very stupid and overly publicized breakdown that Brees picked up in the military and now uses as some sort of proxy for leadership.)
Sunday Night Footabll. Jiggy has a hard-on for Andy Reid. No, Jiggy ain’t queer (not that there would be anything wrong with that). Jiggy also has a big boner for Mike Tomlin. (please see previous clarification on sexual orientation). But these two coaches manage to make their teams ready to play, no matter who is on the field.
I was jazzed (and jizzed) for the Sunday Night Game. The jazz was for another good game, the jizz was for the Niners covering. You all know the rule, if we win, we hire hookers. Jiggy was interested to see how this kid, Dennis Dixon would do (partially because of the curiosity associated with his name. I know that slavery is a very sad chapter in our nation’s history. One of the interesting repercussions of it is the names that African Americans have. Someone named Washington may have worked for ‘old man Washington,’ similarly with ‘Williams.’ But one has to wonder how names like Jamarcus and Deangelo fit in to that historical arc. Also, one has to imagine that Dixon is a contraction of ‘dick is on.’ Maybe his ancestors were in charge of penis placement on a plantation (alliteration purely coincidental – though very much enjoyed.)) Here was a guy who was making his first start and had been a 3rd stringer all year. So this means he had taken maybe a few snaps per practice (if any at all) with the first team. This kid was a 5th round pick (fact checkers anyone) and to make matters worse, he is playing one of the best defenses of the decade. Was it going to be a total decimation or would something else happen?
The hard-ons for Reid and Tomlin are that they seem to be able to plug in just about anyone and their teams stay competitive. They don’t always win, but they play hard. There are teams in the NFL that will completely go into panic mode if their punter gets a hang nail – but the Steelers and Eagles seem to play close, tight games – even when missing one of their most critical players. Say a Westbrook or a Roethlisberger. A very good game.
And finally – the anger.
Jiggy often can’t sleep. Sometimes it is anxiety over football. Sometimes it is anxiousness about the season beginning or ending or whatever. And sometimes it is the copious amount of cocaine and amphetamines (all with prescriptions of course) ingested on any given day. (Call it an occupational hazard.) But this lack of sleeping means more time listening to NFL talk radio. Ahhhhh the drivel. Is Favre the new front runner for MVP? Are the Titans the best turnaround story ever? Does my scrotum look like Terry Bradshaw? Anyhow there was a certain interview that got Jiggy’s blood aboilin.
The family has a saying – usually spitted out with derision. ‘Jackass was born on third and thought he hit a triple.’ If you don’t use that saying in your family or you don’t understand it, I think you would prefer other websites – this one requires some modicum of perversity and a speck of intelligence.
 So the interviews with Michael Oher. The Blind Side (a good read by a theoretical compatriot of Jiggy’s – Jiggy and Michael Lewis park their cars in the same metaphorical garage – or was it analogic?) was recently turned in to a movie. The book explains the history of the Left Tackle position and the evolution it has had partially because of Bill Parcells and Bill Walsh as well as how the advent of free agency has allowed players and fans to see the relative values of each position. Left Tackles are the second most highly paid player on the offensive side of the ball. In short, their skill set is the second scarcest (we can correct for injuries and blah blah blah – this is not meant to be intellectually failsafe – but you get the point). So the movie comes out and now it is some feel good, kid beating the odds story.
Here is the issue. Oher had a tough upbringing – no qualms there. Being homeless as a kid is probably almost impossible to overcome. But this movie (I gather from the interviews – because I will not see it) seems to make the story all about beating the odds and overcoming homelessness. I am going to talk to the rest of the NFL right now – Michael, close your gargantuan ears for one second.
Players in the NFL – How many of you had tough upbringings? I am going to guess that the majority of these athletes (yes, more than half) come from tough neighborhoods, extreme poverty, communities filled with violence and lack of opportunity. The NFL is filled with kids who come from broken homes, kids who have had to scramble to eat, have been on food stamps, who have had siblings killed. Hell, one could argue (and Jiggy often does) that life is about adversity. So my first problem is that we shouldn’t be fellating Mike Oher for beating a bad draw. More than half of those athletes probably had to deal with some serious shit.
But here is the second part of what is so silly. Gisele was mentioned earlier and we are getting back to her. What made the Blind Side so interesting (book, not movie) was that it began with an idea, left tackles aren’t made, they are born. Herr Lewis’ point is that the skill set to play the Left Tackle position in the NFL is so rare and so specialized that there aren’t 32 of them in the NFL right now. Yes, all the money and talent searching capability of the NFL cannot unearth even 32 guys who are true left tackles. So here is the point, Gisele is mega-watt hot. She is arguably (and I would argue that she isn’t, but follow along) the hottest woman on earth. But here is the joke. There are many, many girls who are ‘almost as hot’ as Gisele. Mike Lewis is saying that there are almost no players as uniquely talented as the left tackles who are true left tackles. What this means is that if Mike Oher were a supermodel, he would probably be hotter than Gisele or more specifically, after Mike Oher and the 25 other guys who are true left tackles, there is a gigantic drop off in talent. So much so that the girls competing with Mike Oher wouldn’t look like Megan Fox and Adriana Lima, they would look like Kate Goselin. So think about this…
What is completely improbable is not that Mike Oher managed to be found and thus beat his way out of homelessness. There are many people paid hundreds of thousands of dollars per year whose sole job it is is to look for the Mike Ohers of the world (insert people who can throw 100 mph fastballs and those who can change direction on a dime and drop threes on people). In fact, what was shocking about Mike Oher is that he wasn’t found sooner. No, the improbable event is that someone who is 6’ 6” with an 8’ wingspan who weighs 350 and has the agility of midlevel ballerina even exists. That is the crazy event. Mike Oher is a little like Harry Potter (with no gay tattoo on his forehead) he was a one in 10 million (assuming 350 million Americans) guy who managed to have his uniqueness recognized. So Mike, I am happy you are in the league, I am sorry you had to go through such a tough upbringing (Jiggy is against homelessness – but that is another tirade completely) but don’t misattribute your success. It isn’t because your adoptive family loved you or because you went to the weight room a few times or because you are such an avid film studier – you are in the NFL because (and I think the good auteur Mike Lewis would agree) because you were born to do so. So, don’t think you hit a triple.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Kyle Orton (Den) @ Chris Chambers??? (KC) – Denver -4.5
The Broncos hit a rough patch, but their defense is actually pretty good under the unmentionable one (m. Nolan) and the offense ain’t terrible. This Kyle kid seems to be able to play. So take the Broncos and give the lousy points.
SF (SF) @ Seachickens (Sea) - SF -1
There will be no discussion of this pick. None.
Minny (Mn) @ Matty Leinart (Az) – Minny -4
It is going to be a brutal war. And it does look like Warner will play – but the Vikes are on a mission and Favre probably won’t implode this week. But one week soon, he is bound to.
Mr. Gisele (NE) @ Mr. Henne (mia) – NE -4
There are some angry Pats in the world and they want revenge for last week’s embarrassment. Why is it that people are always concerned about the dolphins that get caught in tuna nets, but they aren’t concerned about the tuna? Take the Pats.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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