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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 35 | Losses: 35 | Ties 2:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 50%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - PLAYOFFS ROUND 1
Playoffs? Playoffs?
As the season has come to a close, I think it is time for Jiggy to crow a little and eat a little crow.
[Etymological Note: why in the world would eating crow and crowing have such disparate meanings – one may have to assume the bastardization of some other word or phrase – but if there is one thing that Jiggy loves, it is children born out of wedlock (or bastards) so let’s just roll with it.]
In the preseason, Jiggy went over the superbowl odds and picked out some teams that needed further exigesis. Let’s roll back the clock and see how Jiggy performed. Hint, he is a mother-fucking, 11-inch-cock-having, sphincter-splitting genius.
Jiggy Stated:
The Detroit Lions – 150:1 – These odds are really long – but they had better be. The Lions were perfect last season (0-16) and they will be better this year, but they won’t be significantly better. They went out and grabbed the number one QB in the draft – they had to. But now we hear that little Matthew Stafford is being given the keys to the jalopy on day one. That doesn’t bode well for Los Lions. I wouldn’t take these odds unless they were significantly higher – think 10,000:1 and I am not kidding.
One pick and Jiggy is effing gold.
St. Louis Rams – 80:1 – Wooo. The lambs are terrible. I mean really terrible. But are they almost twice as good as the Lions? I don’t think so. In fact, with a healthy Marc Boooger, they have a strong QB, an all world running back, an improved line and a middle of the pack defense. Now toss in the fact that they play in a very weak division (sorry Arizona, I am not a believer) and you have a somewhat compelling bet. Look, there is almost no chance that the lambs make it to the playoffs, let alone to the Superbowl, let alone win it. But are they 80:1 dogs? I might put a little money here – just because I think the bet isn’t terrible. But don’t spend the stripper money on this.
Jiggy managed to get two stupid picks in one paragraph here. Not only were the Rams the worst team in the entire league last year – Jiggy also called out the Cardinals. Very Stupid. Luckily, Jiggy gets paid for being right most of the time, not all of the time. And to be fair, Booger (Bulger) was hurt for much of the year.
Cleveland Steamers – 75:1 – The Brownies just aren’t good. They do have the trappings of an interesting team; they will have a big name QB. They’ll have either, gay heartthrob, Brady Quinn (pronounced thquinn) or they will have legit baller, Derek Anderson. They still have Braylon Edwards and they have exciting rookie RB, James Davis. The defense reminds me of a Tijuana hooker, not the worst in the world, but certainly far from the best. The issue with the Brownies is that they CANNOT win their division (see Steelers and Ravens) and they also will drop four games per year to the two aforementioned teams. So they have to go 10-2 in their other games to have a realistic chance of making a wildcard spot. And that is with a schedule that includes Green Bay, Minny, SD and Oakland (just kidding about Oakland – though they do play them, it should be an easy win, even for the steamers.) So, even if they sweep Cincy and do some serious work in the rest of their schedule (all big ifs) they still may not make the playoffs, let alone go to the big dance.
Jiggy has this thing where he is very confident about two things, and picking games is the other one. So yes, Jiggy considers himself somewhat of a cocksman. When you have as many inches under the hood as Jiggy does, one is only shocked by a dissatisfied customer (amorous associate) if they cannot handle the girth (or length). So when Jiggy is spending some valuable tiempo with a amateur amorous associate (non-hooker) Jiggy will sometimes point out the following: ‘if the dirty deed is actually done today, you (future co-ed screamer) will be very, very satisfied with your decision.’ More often than not, the vapid little star-fucker will end up in Jiggy’s coital palace and The Boning (capitals intentionally placed for emphasis) will occur. And afterwards, when her powers of speech return (and this can take anywhere from 10 minutes to 3 hours) she will utter (and Jiggy is paraphrasing here) ‘that was everything you said and so much more.’ And Jiggy, no stranger to narcissism, will smile (knowingly). The point of this little tale is that when someone predicts something about which one is certain – and that prediction comes true – it is not a surprise. The Sun Will Rise Tomorrow – you read it here first. But when the predictor is told that he (Jiggy in this case – so the gender specific pronoun is appropriate) was right, it is still nice to hear. So thank you Cleveland for living up to your rather low expectations. As stated in Jiggys prediction, Cleveland went 1-5 in their division (they actually beat the Pitt Panthers once) and then lost to Green Bay and Minny and then beat Oakland. Jiggy cannot (and will not) be stopped. Additionally, the players that Jiggy said would be helpful are gone – Braylon Edwards is on the playoff bound J-E-T-S and James Davis lost a season because of injury. If any of you dear readers want to know the date of your death – send an email and Jiggy will not only give you the date, but the time of death as well.
The Chefs (KC) – 75:1 – Don’t get Jiggy wrong, the chefs are abysmal but this is an interesting bet. The basic theory that runs through the previous paragraphs (and will run through the following paragraphs) is that once a team is in the playoffs, anything can happen (see AZ last year). So let’s see who can (with some luck and hard work) make the playoffs. The Chiefs are in that pot. They have a very weak division. The Raiders are a joke, the Broncos got rid of their best player (Cutler) and are having a marital spat with their next best (B. Marshall) so they look weak and then SD. San Diego is tough, offensively dope and defensively stout – but they struggled last year. So maybe the Chief make a little zig zag and get rolling toward the playoffs and then get hot. Hey, if you played the 2009-2010 season 75 times, they’d only have to win once for me to break even. Think about it.
Jiggy’s head may have been a little cloudy on this one. Jiggy was right about San Diego being tough and whiffed on the Broncos (though, more on that later).
The Bungles – 65:1 – This is just silly. They are just like the Brownies, except that they have an aging QB, weak receiving corps, interesting disaster in Cedric Benson (who could be alright) and a very fat, very injured first round pick. I would go long the Brownies and short the Bungles. Of note though, Jiggy loves him some Rey Maualuga.
Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson and Johnny Cash are truly American Gems. They personify creativity, boldness and artistry in music. The vast majority of their canon (is it canon or canons?) is solid effing gold. But Bob Dylan had one bad song. Experts disagree about which song that is – but he had one. This pick above is Jiggy’s ‘Wiggle’
Minny – 8:1 – I am not sold on Minny. I know, I know… blah, blah, blah All Day AP, blah, blah, blah Brett Favre, blah, blah, blah, Percy Harvin, blah, blah, blah Jared Allen and his merry bunch of purple people eaters. They were in the playoffs last year long enough to grab one beer. They will likely make the playoffs, they may have some excitement because of their veteran QB, but in the end, they just aren’t that good. They may not even win their division. So 8:1 isn’t good enough for me. I am throwing the overrated brand on them now.
Jiggy may still be right about Minny. They have made the playoffs and had a somewhat dominant season. But it looks as if the secret is out. They have backed in to the playoff and will have to reestablish themselves if they want to win.
Steel Curtain – 7:1 – This baffles me. How you gonna win the Super Bowl - arguably improve your team and then be the fourth most favored team to win it all. I am all over these guys. Gimme Big Ben, gimme the defensive player of the year, gimme, gimme, gimme. I may have to bet this one.
My client, Jiggy Donuts has no comment at this time. He can neither confirm, nor deny the allegations made about the statement above.
San Diego Super Chargers – 7:1 – Well stick a feather duster in my ass and call me a chicken. This don’t make no sense. You do have a good offense (though Jiggy called the end of Ladainian last year) and their defense does return Shawne Merriman. But Norv Turner ain’t going to bring a trophy back to “America’s Finest City.” I thing the Chargers are vastly overrated. As the NFL seems to always say, Show Me.
Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me eight times and I am a douche licking idiot. Jiggy has never given Norv the props he actually deserves. The Chargers may be Jiggy’s pick to represent the AFC this year. So Jiggy was smoking crack on this one.
Eagles – 6.5:1 – Really? Ok. I suppose they did get Michael Vick. I kid. The Eagles are well coached, they have superior talent at many positions (I would like to see an upgrade at receiver) and they managed to draft a good backup for Westbrook. So who knows? They are the favorite from the NFC and why not. I will say that at 6.5:1 I am not sure I am getting appropriately paid for the risk.
Jiggy returned to his prescient dominance here.
Gaytriots – 3:1 - This is ridiculous. For a team that didn’t make the playoffs to be the favorite to win it all (going away) is crazy. I know, they got the dreamiest guy in the universe back (and this time with Gisele Bundchen in tow) in Tom Brady. But let’s look back to the last year that old TB was healthy – oh yeah, they lost to the upstart NYGs. I do think they make the playoffs this year and likely go deep in them (like me going deep in Courtney Simpson) but 3:1 doesn’t adequately pay us for the gargantuan risk we are taking. So good luck if you like the Pats – but there are far better bets to make.
Jiggy should work for the CIA or the Government. If someone can say things and have them be right this often, he should probably be doing something a little heftier than picking games. But the free world’s loss is you despicable gambling addicts’ gain. 3:1 is still probably not juicy enough – and that is with the Pats already in the playoffs.
Green Bay at 25:1 looks tasty with Aaron Rodgers and a weakish division. They just need to improve the D! And I think they did.
Wow. Jiggy nailed that one.
Da Bears at 25:1 also – they got a new QB, a strong RB and a great defense.
I understand that even Pentium chips occasionally make errors. So don’t complain to Jiggy, complain to the powers of the universe. In fact, blame Heisenberg.
Denver at 60:1 is a whole lotta odds for a team that could surprise us all.
Jiggy may be the only commentator (and I use that term very loosely) outside of the Denver area who knew that they would have a great run this year. As one of Jiggy’s associates would say, this pick was cock-strong and one mile long.
But now, here we are. Jiggy would rather pick each game each week with all the new information that guarantees us than try to predict something that is one month away. But the two teams that I think will be in the bowl (if I had to pick today) would be the Eagles and the Chargers. And that is with the Eagles having a good chance of not making it past the wild card game today. So, go figure.
Namaste.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Mark Thanchez (NYJ) @ Carson Palmay (fr for Palmer) (Cincy) – NYJ +1
Jiggy was severly conflicted over this pick. Imagine that the hottest girl you knew offered to grab her friend and the two of them would then have a blow-job competition, and you would be the judge. And then as you were walking (double-time) toward the closet where it would occur, the second hottest woman you knew told you that she and her best girlfriend wanted to both try anal sex at the same time, with the same guy… you see that this is a no lose proposition. But again, both of these are exploding offers – take one or the other now and they will likely never occur again (without the black amex card)… Luckily jiggy only has to pick the Bungles v. Jets… The Jets have been playing great defense and running the ball like monsters (a game plan that Jiggy admires). The Bungles have a veteran QB and have played exceedingly well this year (also with a strong running game). Jiggy hates going with a wookie QB in the play offs, but the Bengals are… the Bengals and there is an emotional cost to losing the week before. So Jiggy is on the JETS.
Filthy (philly) @ Jerry Jones (Dal)– Filthy +4
The world is filled with stupid decisions. This may be one of those decisions.
Balt @ New England – NE -4
 This is an interesting game. The Ravens are exciting. Ray Rice (despite his obvious closeted homosexuality (not that there is anything wrong with that)) is one of the most exciting players in the NFL, and hell, their back up, Willis McGahee is better than any runner on the Pats. The Defense of the Ravens is so much better (and faster) than the defense of the pats that it is almost laughable. But when you have Hoodie, Randy and Tommy on the same team it is hard to imagine them losing. Especially at home. So I am on the Pats.
Aaron (GB) @ Kurt + Jesus (Az) – GB -1
Everything about this line is crazy. But Jiggy is going to side with America and take the Pack. In the end, the Red Birds are not playing well and they really did come from the weakest division in the NFL. Jiggy hates taking three road teams this week – but that is the way the hooker bleeds out…
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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