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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 2 | Losses: 2 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 50%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK ONE
It was funny. ..
I was flown to Vegas for some handicappers’ conference. It was great. The hotel sent a limo to the bay area for me, and then they put me on a private plane (with hot stewardesses – or flight attendants as they are called now).
*Quick Rant. I fly a lot. I fly to Vegas, I fly to Atlantic City, I fly to Monaco and occasionally, I fly to the Asian Nations. Here is something I just don’t understand (or worse yet, maybe I do). When you fly from SF to Vegas on Southwest, you will have four flight attendants and they usually break up as follows. There will be the head of the crew she will be in her 40s or 50s. She was probably cute once and now she is just on the wrong side of 30 (by a huge margin). If you are in to GMILFs or late stage MILFS then you may be excited. There are usually two ladies that are in their mid 30s. Now, for some reason they always have a hefferly quality. Maybe it is tiring carrying drinks up and down an aisle, maybe they have to move heavy carry-ons or maybe the hiring manager has a thing for muscular women. In any event, there is no potential for chubbage there. And the last one is usually a gay male. So what is there to fantasize about? Nothing. It used to be that flying was glamorous. It used to be for the elite. But now, it is effing Greyhound in the sky. It is a little like the municipal bus service here in San Francisco – only with peanuts. But when I fly internationally, I get hot young women. If Jiggy actually got the wood for Asian Women, he would spend his days (and nights) flying around the world on Korean Air, Cathay Pacific and KLM (I know… go with me) and I would likely have a full wank bank (this is defined as a memory vault for masturbating). Or when Jiggy goes Iberia – the Muchachas Lindas are in the house. So, note to the US Airlines – you need to have hotter attendants. You need to put them in great outfits. And if the problem is the unions (the effing unions) then get rid of them.
So I was flown to Vegas (note that flown rhymes with blown – though that is where the similarities end) and the waitress was HAWT. She brought me top shelf bourbon and then we landed. Another limo carts me off to the casino hotel. Jiggy is given the presidential suite. And then Jiggy is asked to speak on a panel with other ‘top flite’ handicappers. We all shoot the breeze. And then it is off to dinner.
We hit the glass room at Smith and Wolensky’s. A nice time and a great steak. (And bear with me, we are getting to the point.)
So after dinner, the hostess that was assigned to me by the hotel (a little hottie in her own right) asks me (ever so delicately) would I like to go to a strip club. She may have called it an adult entertainment club.
*Point on Language - You know those girls with the stanky poonanny. We have all been with one (some more than one – though not at the same time). At first you ignore it, because, like pizza, even bad pussy is better than no pussy. So you hit it a few times. And then you give the non-verbal cues that only a gentleman might give (as an example you could tell her that you want to go down on her and then get a gas mask from the bedside table – or when she removes her drawers you could don a hazardous materials suit… be creative). The point is that once a woman has ridden the Jiggy train to pleasureville, all she thinks about is that ticket. So she will do something – anything to remedy the problem. She will try shaving and using lotions, she will try extra soap and water, she will try perfumes. She may try candles in the room. But the point of the story is, that no matter how you dress it up, it is still a stanky vagina. So if our little hostess wants to call it an ‘adult entertainment club’ well then bless her heart. But for Jiggy, it is a tittie bar, a nudie (pronounced like it is spelled) or simply my home away from home.
So I told her yes, I would like to go (I had a stomach full of bone-in ribeye and martinis) and so we were swept away.
I warn you, this story has a point.
So, I am at the tittie bar – they don’t call me bottle service for nothing. So I am sitting back, fat and happy, Vodka flowing like Cytheria’s wonderful squirtbox. And the ladies are flocking like ladies that are being paid to flock. That is to say awkwardly.
*Note to Strippers Reading This – Please, please, please work on your conversational skills. If I have to answer one of the following two questions in the first three minutes of our conversation, you had better be all world hot.
Question One: “So, where are you guys from?”
Question Two: “So, you guys here for a bachelor party?”
 So, the dancers are flocking. And they are young, old (read 27), large breasted, small breasted, blond, brunette, redhead, tall, short. And they are circling me like the wad of bills that I am. Two particularly comely young women approach me – they are of course wearing matching Catholic School Girl skirts – but one in red plaid and in the other blue plaid. I was going to make a joke about Scottish Tartans, The Pope or Classics Class at the Old U of C when I remembered that they are the ones that need to sell me and not the other way around. So when girl one turned to me and said, ‘so, where are you from?’ and the second asked me if I was here for a bachelor party, I knew, I was hooked. (See note above about hotness allowing for lack of conversational skills).
After a couple of warm up dances in the general area for the plebes (from the Latin meaning plebian) they asked if I wanted to go to the private room. I did.
So here is the point.
I am back in the private area with two gorgeous, vapid 20-year olds and I may (or may not – because law enforcement occasionally reads this column) have a finger lodged in someone’s nether region and there are beautiful breasts as far as the eye can see.
Then it all hit me. These girls don’t like me, in fact, they wouldn’t recognize me in three hours if I raped one of their dogs on the street. They are here for the money. They are probably scared, lonely people, trying to make their way in the world. And at that moment it dawned on me that all of my pursuits to date have been for the base cause of making money. And not even by making something, but by picking football winners in a sport that doesn’t do a damn thing for the greater good of the world or even my community. And it was all vile vanity. It was all made of ephemeral paper. I decided in that moment that I wanted to make the world better, I wanted real human relationships, based on love, respect and mutual admiration. I wanted to create something – maybe it was as simple as a non-profit that tutored inner city kids in math and statistics – or maybe I could be an architect and create beautiful buildings that would stand the test of time and improve the built environment we all share.
And as I put my hand on Trixie’s leg (or was it Misty’s?) to push her off… The third 20-something came in. She was wearing the green skirt that was so missing from my fantasy. And before her breast hit my face, I had forgotten those silly thoughts from a moment ago and I was back. I was back to reality. Go on, love me for the money.
So, if you feel like spending a Sunday (all day), a Monday Night and sometimes a Thursday (except for thanksgiving and the Saturday games after the college season is over) betting and screaming for your favorite team, remember that Jiggy went through the philosophical discussion for you and that you can take comfort that you are on the right path, the straight and narrow.
Bless you all.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Tenny @ The Rapist (not Kobe, but Big Ben) (Pitt) – Pitt -6
The Titans were everyone’s darling last year. But in the early part of the season, defense is king and Pitt has the best defense in the NFL (at least right now). Pitt is at home and they are charged up. Oh, and Kerry Collins likes to rape children – so you can’t bet on him. Take the Steel Curtain and give the six.
Minny @ Cleveland – Minny -4
Last I checked, Cleveland still didn’t have a starting QB, they were rolling out a senior citizen at tailback and they weren’t that good to begin with. I will take Minny and give the four.
Dallas @ Tampa Bay – TB +6
 What can I say, I am a sucker for a big home dog on opening weekend. I also think that Dallas is overrated. Sure, they have some great backs and a strong defense – but their receivers are weak and their QB is a head case (maybe Jessica Simpson will go to the game). Gimme the home dawg and the touchdown.
 Denver @ Cincy – Denver +4
Cincy is a mess. A real mess. That is not to say that Denver is a lean, mean, scoring machine. But Let’s see what happens. Take the points and the rebuilt, Kyle Orton led Broncos.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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