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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 36 | Losses: 38 | Ties 2:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 49%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - PLAYOFFS ROUND 2
Enough Foreplay
There are few truths in this world that axiomatic – we humans (and I am including Ray Rice, Kurt Warner, Darrell Revis and Aaron Rogers with us humans – though they showed that they are a little better than ‘just human’ this weekend) can argue which are which (if you know what I mean.) But there is one truth about which we don’t argue – and that is that Jiggy loves him some woman.
The aforementioned fact was necessary to offset the next point.
We have all been there – we have been with a youngish, innocentish girl (18 of course) – and I may be harkening back to high school for some of my older readers. (Hell, I might be harkening back to high school for all of my readers as our society continues to get more and more permissive – or at least it seems to – this is a point that should be covered in another column – Jiggy loves to quote a certain 1950’s rocker when he was talking to one of the Beatles (or maybe it was one of the Stones) he said, “you think you invented fucking.” The point is that every society looks down on the one before it as prudish or super-moral – I would posit that we are likely at some steady state of filth – though the internet is a game changer – and that the only thing that changes is ones personal perception (and the fact that run on sentences make one sound smarter.))
So, Jiggy was with a 19 year old girl – she was somewhat inexperienced. But just like Mark Sanchez in the playoffs – she wanted to shine when the bright lights were on. I am speaking metaphorically here as there were dim lights, and candles – but the pressure of being with Jiggy can sometimes feel like the world stage.
She had done her hair (nice) she had put on makeup (often unnecessary and overly time consuming – cost/benefit analysis still pending) she had worn matching bra and panties…
EDITORIAL NOTE: to all of my female readers (you know you are out there – don’t front) this is a critical, though often under noticed point. There are big things you can do for your man and there are little things. Big things include bringing your sister to bed with him. Big things include anal at half time. Big things include understanding that once the anal is completed and halftime is over, it is your job to leave the room and maybe (just maybe) return with some bourbon in a decorative glass and one large ice cube – though silence is appreciated – unless it is to complete the Jig on his girth, length or technique. There are many little things that a woman can do to impress her man. That sad truth is that what women believe are ‘thoughtful, little things’ are rarely the same things that men consider ‘thoughtful, little things. I suppose this is one of the many tricks played on us by the great creator (Jiggy is a firm believer in evolution –but rather than go on a long and logically precarious argument about why women and men value sentimentality differently – Jig would rather just take some short hand from our species’ past – that of the benevolent, omnipotent, omnipresent and personal creator – I know, it makes total sense). So ladies, one of the things that Jiggy really enjoys – and it costs you nothing but some time, is to make sure you are wearing a matching set of bra and panties. I mean would you show up at a party with a gift that wasn’t gift wrapped? (or to be more congruent) would you show up with a present that was half wrapped in gleaming wrapping paper and the other half wrapped in your comfy, old, cotton panties with the questionable stains on them???
Back to the point – so Jiggy is with this delightful ingénue and she has pulled out all the stops. She was looking slamming (though I am not sure why this is a positive descriptor – but again, I will defer to the patois of our time rather than work for etymological purity).
The dirty, dirty ensued quickly. It was clear that our budding flower had done some of her research. Perhaps she had perused spankwire and yourporn? Perhaps she had read up on the latest techniques that ‘will make your man curl his toes and blow his nose’ in Cosmo. Maybe she read some penthouse letters. Or maybe she had hung out outside of Jiggy’s ‘den of dirty amour’ and quizzed the bowlegged, cross eyed (from the banging, not from mental retardation or whatever the current ‘sensitive term’ is) and often richer (as Jiggy is like Charlie Sheen, he doesn’t pay them to have sex with them, he pays them to leave) delights on the romantic arts.
She was doing everything right. She was teasing. She was talking dirty. She was moaning anxiously yet pleasantly. She was using finger nails. It was truly inspiring. This went on for thirty minutes. It was amazing.
Then we got to forty-five minutes of the teasing and tickling. And just like with any new Borne film – Jiggy is willing to follow the fun and games – even allow for some extra time before the (often mind-numbing) plot gets going, because the characters are fun and the special effects are ‘off the heezy.’
 When we got to one hour of this – the magic had come and gone. Jiggy had not cum and the navy blue balls were in early onset. The evening was ruined. (it was rescued – but only after a stern talking to and a ‘go directly to banging, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars do not tell me again to spank you.’
The reason I relate this tale to you is because it is exactly like the NFL season. The beginning is amazing – everyone has a chance for the post season and the oddsmakers often miss on a team or two. Then the middle of the season is upon us – the strong teams are starting to show themselves and the weak ones (Rams and KC) are starting to have the wheels fall off. And then the latish season is glorious. There are the seedings for the playoffs. There is the inevitable collapse of some team. There is the ‘happens every year’ amazing long shot who storms in to the playoffs.
And then there is week 17 and the wild card round. This is when we have had enough foreplay – let’s get to the sex. (Or the oral sex – depending on your perspective – or what the meaning of ‘is’ is. Thank you tricky Willy.)
So finally – here we are. Jiggy loves this weekend almost more than any other. So let’s enjoy it together.
Namaste.
FREE NFL PICKS:
If lovin the lord is wrong, I don’t wanna be right (AZ) @ If lovin the military is gay, then dress me in rainbows and call me Suzy (NO) – Arizona +7
Jiggy is taking the Cards and the points – he is also taking the money line. He is also ordering the pot stickers and the special spicy eggplant chicken. You should do the same. The Saints backed in to the playoffs. The Saints were the most dominant team for much of this season and one would think that they can regain that form after laying some eggs leading up to the playoffs. This is not the case. The NFL has some aspects of it that approach a perfectly efficient market (where most information is public and universally known). The point is that all the games are taped and distributed. So when a team is rocking the house, everyone can mimic that offense (except the 49ers because their OC was born in prehistoric times and he can’t use a DVR or VCR or a Teletype machine for that matter.) This is why offenses echo one another. There is the issue of talent (just because the Rams are running the same plays as the Colts – without the hated one, PM, that offense won’t hum) but the other point is that defenses also catch on. Once someone beats the Saints or the Eagles or the Colts (less so) – then the cat is outta the bag. This is what happened with the Saints. Their mystique is gone. I think the Cards are going to whip that ass. I am on Warner and I am thinking of converting to Christianity (if loving the lord allows you to shred a defense like that – think what it can do for my coital record breaking attempts). The joke about this whole analysis is that the Cards have been on TV just as many times as the Aints. So that could all be BS. But I am on the Arizona squad.
Bodymore, Murdaland (Balt) @ Bob Sanders isn’t tall enough for the teacups (Indy) – Indy -6.5
The Colts are just a little better at this game right now. But they will get theirs, oh yes, they are looking ahead to some pissed off, tila tequila beating, hot cheerleader having, Chargers in their keysters.
America’s Team (Dal) @ Brett Favre’s Team (Minny) – Dal -2.5
I am literally (and figuratively) erect for this game. I think it will be great. I have bought in to the hype on the Cowboys (fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me, fool me for the last 11 years, I suppose we can Mariah Carey or something). The Cowboys have failed in the playoffs mightily. But this year they seem to have it figured out. Let’s see if Favre can’t lose this one for the fans in Minny.
J-E-T-S (NYJ) @ San Diego SUPER CHARGERS (SD) – SD -38
Dear Jets, your glass slipper has been found and the light of day has revealed you to be a very heavy and very pimply woman. The Chargers are going to do things to the Jets that will make many porn stars blush. I am looking for some very violent (and not loving things) to happen to the rectums of each and every one of the Jets. So I am on SD.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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