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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 2 | Losses: 2 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 50%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK TWO
The Season Begins…
Whether you believe in curses, in voo-doo or kismet (sounds sexual, it isn’t people, look it up) or not, you would have to admit to a little feeling of déjà vu after week one. There are certain organizations that are positive, filled with light and love and ones that are as dark as a pornstar’s rectum after a racially-charged, anal gangbang.
An aside – when I used to compete in college – Jiggy wasn’t always a porn swilling, statistics guru – I was in a close one and managed to eke out a loss. My coach screamed at me that I was ‘finding a way to lose.’ Jiggy typically responds better to positive reinforcement than being torn apart – but who couldn’t benefit from such instructional coaching. I mean, I really had a great idea of what I could have improved on and what needed to be remedied. But one understands the point that El Capitan was making.
Anyway, there are organizations that have a gift for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, of underachieving, of finding a way to lose. Let’s look at three of them, though before the weekend, we all expected these teams to lose and lose big.
Cincy. Ah poor Cincy, it seems that ever since Tim Krumrie’s leg collapsed in Super Bowl XXIII they have been afflicted – like with syphilis. But I am sure they have a chance to right the ship with the hapless Broncos traveling to Bungle Territory. Just like that, the Broncos down and out. You have the ever terrible Kyle Orton at the helm, you have Eddie Royal hurt, you have Brandon Marshall in a spat with his team and you have a one point lead with few ticks left on the clock and you are at home. (Oh yeah and the Broncs have no timeouts). What could possible go wrong? How about a badly thrown ball being tipped to Brandon Stokley who then goes yard. Way to stick to form Bungles, way to do it. If it was any other organization (except for the next two to be mentioned) you would have been surprised. But the Bungles are so gifted at sucking – you would think they were in the world series of porn (blow job edition).
Raiders. The Black Hole on Monday Night, hosting the hated Chargers. It was going to be epic. The Raiders were big dogs at home (9.5 points) so everyone and their uncle knew that they didn’t have a chance. But to the wonderment of all (yes that was an intentional Casey at the Bat reference) the Raider’s D looked strong, their running game was not too terrible and then, out of nowhere Jamarcus (I couldn’t hit water if I fell out of a boat) Russell hit a long bomb to give the Raiders a three point lead with 2:34 left on the clock. The D had been humming all night, LDT was feeling gimpy and Antonio Gates had been shut down (sort of). All they had to do was stop the Chargers one more time. The entire stadium was ROCKING and the Chargers waltzed down the field like hot knives through butter. They scored with 18 seconds left (a td, not a field goal to at least force overtime). It was as if the outcome was never in doubt. Strong showing Faders.
Bills. Oh no they didn’t. Oh yeah they did. How in the world are you going to have a two score lead with slightly more than two minutes to go and then blow a game? It seems impossible doesn’t it? But you have to remember that these are the Bills. These are the hapless Buffalo Billies. So they give up one score and then on the ensuing kickoff, their kick returner (Leodis McKelvin – one of the All-Jiggy name team) decides that it is important to have great field position to burn out the clock. Why take the touchback? Fine, you want to jog out and have a chance to return it for a TD, fine. But then, when it is clear that you may be tackled, why not, I don’t know, put two hands on the rock and go down nice and easy? Oh yeah, because you are Leodis, king of the jungle. And Leodis coughed up the rock and then Tom Brady did what he do. And just like that, the Billies are 0-1. Clearly another cursed organization.
So if you are a fan of one of these organizations, what do you do?
Editorial Note: Jiggy doesn’t care what you do. Jiggy has no alliances, Jiggy has no ties – he is tieless. Jiggy is about the (ever weakening) greenback. So if team is cursed, we can make money betting against them. I don’t really care. In fact, removing these curses may make wagering harder. But come on, these three cities need the help.
So, Jiggy did some research for the fans in Buffalo, Cincy and Oakland (though, if you live in Oakland you may want to concentrate on economic development, national reputation and murder rates rather than the Raiders - but I digress) and this is what I’ve found.
First, there is much debate on whether curses actually exist and if you are in the camp that believes that they exist, then there are myriad ways to cure said curse.
“Voodoo is a religion from the Islands in the South. It's real and dangerous. You need who is angry at you. You will need a Voodoo priest to remove the curse. He will use incantations, certain objects, make a ritual and remove the curse from you.
You would start to have : pain in parts of your body or other stuff.
You can look all over your house to search for a Voodoo Doll. On your property everywhere. If you find one, burn it.
Take care.” – From a Clearly Concerned Expert on Yahoo
So Jiggy has some ideas as well. Our own little twelve steps if you know what I mean.
 Things you will need: $200, a shovel, astroglide (large size), computer, surgical gloves, Bobble Head from your team’s rival (If you are a Raider Fan you may need a Phil Rivers, LDT or Antonio Gates Bobblehead), a bedpan and a soundproof room.
Step One: Put bobblehead in bed pan.
Step Two: Commence peeing, vomiting, excreting on the doll
Step Three: wait two to four weeks
Step Four: Order “erotic masseuse” from craigslist. Make sure in your email that you explain that you are in to some things that not everyone is particularly into…
Step Five: Await “masseuse”
Step Six: Usher “masseuse” into soundproof room. Explain what will happen – be clear that she will not be harmed at any point. My friends, this part is key – Jiggy has spent many long evenings with local authorities explaining the difference between violence with intent to harm and violence with intent to please.
 Step Seven: Insert bobblehead (with massive amounts of lube) in dark and stormy of the (my friends call it the five hole) with the helmet of the team still visible.
Step Seven: Scream bloody murder at said bobblehead. Unleash every single expletive you have ever pondered. I mean, say things that would make a standup comedian blush. Make that room the Abu Graib of verbal abuse.
Step Eight: Encourage the “masseuse” to push out the offending doll
Step Nine: Pay “masseuse” and thank her.
Step Ten: Don surgical gloves
Step Eleven: Bury bobbly head and surgical gloves in a cemetery (or your back yard).
Step Twelve: Begin rooting for team again, sans curse.
FREE NFL PICKS:
Mr. Bundchen (NE) @ Dirty Sanchez (NYJ) – NE -3
It looks as if the Patriots are going to find their feet again this season. Sure, they played 47.9 minutes of uninspired football, but the last 2.1 minutes were vintage Pats. So look for them to rage back on the scene. I am all over the Pats and giving a measly three.
Pitt @ Chicago – Pitt -3
The Steelers are a dominant team and the Bears are missing their emotional (and actual) leader on Defense. And Cutler (not unlike Crabtree and TO) has further unveiled his true nature as a selfish, ‘me before the team’ sort of player that destroys teams. Let’s see the Bears win a game before we start wagering on them.
Indy @ Miami – Indy -3
See first two picks. Give me a better team, on the road, giving points to a typically weaker opponent.
Dirty Favre (MN) @ Dirty Stafford (Det.) – Detroit Rock City +9.5
My grandmother, may she rest in peace, always told me to bet home dogs getting more than 7 points. So, in order to honor her legacy, let’s party. The Lions ran into a juggernaut last week and there ain’t no way AP goes for 180 and 3 again this week (though he could go for 150 and 2 without Jiggy raising an eyebrow). The lions will likely lose (that is what they do best afterall) but that seems like many points.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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