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JIGGY'S FREE NFL FOOTBALL PICKS
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Independently ranked the number one NFL picking site in 2007 (by BigGuy Sports Network)
Jiggy's 2009 Football Picks Season Record
Wins: 16 | Losses: 12 | Ties 0:
NFL Free Picks Winning Percentage: 57%
Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
For those of you new to this football betting picks column, our expert NFL football handicapper Jiggy has had a money making 2003-2004, 2004-2005, 2005-2006, and 2007-2008 NFL season, posting a winning record on both his NFL football free picks and NFL Lock of the Week against the spread. Each week during the NFL season Jiggy will share his free winning NFL football picks as well as his entertaining take on the current happenings of the NFL.
FREE NFL PICKS - WEEK SEVEN
The Season Continues…
What many readers often wonder, and I am here to set straight, is whether Jiggy has a heart. The answer isn’t clear.
There are few humans that can be as cold and calculating when it comes to statistical analysis. Sure, this column may seem like a dick joke romping through a frat house (not that dick jokes romp, they more often stomp or pirouette) or the one kid at preschool with the shirt that reads, ‘my other mom is a hooker.’ But in actuality, behind all of the ribaldry, Jiggy carefully meditates (and masturbates) on the data – and we all know, data is key.
We all also know that having that ‘go to’ hooker is also key. We all need the Visanthe Shiancoe of hookers. We all need the Wes Welker of whores. When its third and a few and Tom Brady or Odin Favre need those yards or that score, they go to their ‘no muss, no fuss, get-er-done’ guy. In Minny, it is the Shiancasaurus – in New England (or Old England, like this week) Mr. Bundchen goes to wee Wes Welker. [One could claim that Marshawn Lynch should also be in this category – if you are in Buffalo then you should immediately run to the airport and get away from Buffalo – but seriously folks, if the Billies need some short yardage, they used to always turn to Beast Mode. He was the ‘go to’ prostitute before his injury , but until he proves that he is fully back, I will not put him in the ‘go to’ street walker category – so please save your calls and emails.]
So, Jiggy has lovingly constructed for you (not so) dear readers what a ‘go to’ strumpet is in the football world. But what is it in the real world (because most of us live in the real world.) A GTS (go to strumpet) is not the hottest whore, she isn’t the craziest whore, she is the most solid whore. How many times have y’all been in the following situation?
 You’ve bet on the Lambs to lose by less than 22. It is late in the fourth quarter and the opposing team is about to close out the game with a field goal to go up by 26. You have lost all hope. You have called in the dogs to pee on the fire. You have cancelled your Jiggy-esque celebration. You have sent all of your burros home. You are ready to be drunk and angry. You even contemplated a trip down to the border town of Calexico to beat up border-crossing transvestites (why you would have to fly to Calexico for that is a mystery as we have scads of them right here at Castro and Market – but I digress.) But then, against all odds, the field goal is blocked and the Lambs run it back for 6. The lowly Rams have now covered the spread. The final whistle sounds and you need to celebrate.
There are many ways to celebrate. Our fearless correspondent, AC, reported from Philly that fans in that fair city celebrate by destroying businesses and personal property. I am not judging – because I don’t believe in judgment . I mean, to quote the bard (Lebowski), ‘say what you will about the tenets of National Socialism, at least its an ethos.’ Some people celebrate by destroying small (and sometimes large animals). I mean, I hate to throw stones and old houses, but how many times in The Good Book (not Lolita, but the Bible) are joyous events (or perilous ones) met with animal sacrifice. In fact, there are Latin American tribes who believe that detonating cats with explosives brings good luck. In the long run it tends to bring more rodents – but hey, its Latin America, whaddya expect. But the right way, the Jiggy approved way to celebrate is to pay for some flesh.
 The bountiful market provides all types. There are the 32-jigowatt girls. Think Megan Fox, and her sister. There are the crazy ones – think about showing up in a pig costume (with cheese bikini) who screams out yiddush phrases about being kosher during sex. [Editorial Note: for those of you who aren’t members of the tribe (Jewish) pork is not kosher, it should neither be eaten nor touched. Additionally, no meat should be eaten with dairy products. This is derived from the whole ‘not seething a calf in its mother’s milk’ clause. (http://bible.cc/deuteronomy/14-21.htm). So the dirtiest thing you can do is have a pig and cheese sandwich. ] And there is the ugly, heavy ones. Those are for the days when you feel a little dirty or bad about yourself – maybe you picked the Redskins to cover last week – you don’t deserve to enjoy sex for 6 full days. But all of these women have high flake factors. High jigowatt girls aren’t available on short notice. Crazy girls are unreliable (see previous descriptive adjective – QED). And dirty, dirty, girls are usually booked – they are rare and therefore precious.
The girl you need is the Visanthe Shiancoe, the Wes Welker. Not the flashiest, not the most exciting. But reliable and always open (I would say like 7-11, but I don’t like to quote rap songs.) The GTS is what you need.
So, back to the point. Not only does Jiggy have a heart, but he wants to get involved. Jiggy doesn’t like to just write about a cause, he likes to get balls-deep in it. So, recently Jiggy started a 501C-3 organization to help these GTS’s buy plastic surgery. It is a called “HAWGH.” The name harkens back to the Redskins linemen of the late 70s who made Jiggy his first war chest of cash. But it stands for “Help Average Whores Get Hotter.”
So, this week, after we win some money, don’t be afraid to cough up a buck for the GTS’s.
FREE NFL PICKS:
My arm is stronger than John Elway’s – so love me (Chi) @ The Bears blackballed me - waah(cincy) – Cincy pick ‘em
 Although Cincy bandwagon hit a bump last week, I am looking for them to get back on track this week against a tough bears team. Look for Cincy to pull one out.
I was drafted way later than I should have been (GB) @ Mangina (cle) – GB -8.5
This has all the makings of a blowout. Take the Pack and enjoy.
Hotlanta (atl) @ Dallas (dal) – Hotlanta +4
As someone who is an expert on quitting. I think the Cowboys have quit. Look for Atlanta to win or lose by less than 4.
Kurt (Az) @ Eli (NYG) – Az +7
I don’t like the cards – but they are getting back in to the form that made them the NFC’s representative in the Stupid Bowl. Gimme Cards and the points.
Many of my fans ask me where I wager. I have a gambling problem so I bet on everything from the ponies to how long (in inches) my excrement is. But I have been a proud customer to superbook.com for some time. They have good lines, great promotions, many betting options and most importantly, I get my money from them on time. They have signed a deal with Wagercom.com. So if you are looking for an online book, try them out. They are Jiggy tested and Jiggy approved.
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Contact Jiggy at jiggy@wagercom.com or post your questions/comments on the Wagercom Message Board
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